Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Vices (oddly enough, that's not even what this post is about. I really should have called it Addictions.)

Everyone has vices.  I have surprisingly few.  Actually, I have annoyingly few.  I think that's why people punch me in the kidneys when I walk by.  Something about the way I walk.  Whatever.

While I may have few vices, I have a ton of addictions.  Let me list them for you in no particular order: Air, Basketball, Baseball, Football, Tennis, Guitar Hero, not dying, not watching commercials about foot disease, washing my hands, sunflower seeds, good music, love, pens, triangular shaped paper clips, iPhones, cherry swirl coffee cake, television, monetary compensation, learning about nose blowing etiquette, the number 9, puzzles about left handed scissors, custom made earphones and compressed natural sunshine.  That's the short list anyway.

These addictions have had a profound effect on my life, but none more than my addiction to sunflower seeds.  Let me show you a picture I took of my sunflower seed room the other day (yes, I have a room dedicated just to sunflower seeds.  I imagine it's similar to the rooms alligator addicts* have.).

As you can see, I have two giant piles of sunflower seeds.  My love of sunflower seeds is so great that I feel the need to swim around in them Scrooge McDuck style.  The fact that I am unable to resist the urge to swim around in my giant pile of sunflower seeds necessitates a second pile just for eating.  Swimming around in my sunflower seeds means that some of them will touch my feet and that's just gross.  I have a rule about how once something touches my foot, or anyone's foot for that matter, it is no longer eligible to enter my mouth.  If you don't have a problem with that sort of thing though, go ahead and help yourself to the swimming pile.

I know what your thinking.  The answer is 3.  I bring in 3 truckloads of sunflower seeds a week.

*Word to the wise, you do not want to be at an AAA meeting when someone relapses.


Syar said...

We should feed that swimming pile to our pet blogging unicorn (as yet unnamed) .

I love sunflower seeds. My dad used to buy the honey-roasted kind and they were so great. I also like them unhoneyed and unroasted. We have something in Malaysia called Kuaci, which Google tells me could be roasted pumpkin, sunflower or melon seeds. WHICH IS IT GOOGLE? You are no help at all. Anyway, I'm pretty sure the kuaci I eat is sunflower seeds and the whole process of eating them is just as awesome as eating them. This is also why I like eating pistachios (sometimes I suck on the shells because they are salty and delicious. TMI? TWSS?).

In summation, I approve of this addiction. I don't think you could overdose on sunflower seeds, but I plead with you to be careful while swimming in the sunflower seeds. Are they pointy? Wear goggles.

Madelyn said...

Feet are like hungry hippos flowering over tall glasses of peanut butter. (I'm still working on what you talked about in your last post, but seriously, feet are gross . . . too bad they're so damn useful.)

Eating sun flower seeds gives me a headache . . . then again, most things give me a headache . . . what's up with that?

Other than that, I'm also addicted to television, pens, air, not dying, nose blowing etiquette, and not watching commercials about foot disease . . . as well as . . . candy, red bull, pumpkin spice frappacinos, sleeping, wearing sweatpants, animal crackers, teddy grahams, Steve Carell, running, checking my e-mail, aol instant messenger, checking other peoples blogs, checking facebook, egg beaters, bottled water, mushrooms, ketchup, toast . . . you know what . . . I think I've said too much.

Anonymous said...

I'm rather indifferent towards sunflower seeds in the edible sense, but that wouldn't stop me from having three rooms dedicated to them if it meant I could swim in them.

Swimming in a room with a multitude of small somethings (note: not anythings) has long been a dream of mine.

Anonymous said...

I have two vices: one is bolted to the workbench and the other is for the drill press.... oops... those are vises.

But I do like sunflower seeds.

You won't believe it - here at work they replaced my giant 50 lb CRT monitor with an actual LCD one. It's like Christmas...

cadiz12 said...

i like sunflower seeds as much as the next person, but NOWHERE NEAR as much as you do. when i watch you eat bags and bags of those things, i feel a little sick, sort of like that one time i was swimming in the ocean and swallowed a bunch of saltwater. yuck.

anything that tears up the inside of your mouth so badly cannot be good to consume in such high quantities. i'm just saying.