Thursday, February 23, 2006

It’s that time again

Well, the mega millions is back up to a serviceable amount of 203 million dollars. Seed money for the potential purchase of a professional sports franchise… That’s what I would do with it anyway. I find that simply being a fan isn’t enough any more, I really need to get out on the court and be shoved by officials, just like Mark Cuban. His personality is a bit hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, he’s a pretty good owner. Just don’t tell him that all he’s been able to do is build a team that can only win in the regular season. Don’t let on that they are horrifically built to win a seven game series against anyone… I wonder if Mark Cuban would still consider paying off all of my debt right now after I made that comment? Maybe if I told him that I agreed about the NBA officiating and how terrible it is… I can write a whole post about it and everything. He gets fined if he says it, but I can say whatever I feel like because I’m not under the control of the NBA… then instead of getting fined $100,000 by them, he could just pay my debt off at a cost of half the fine… this sounds almost too easy… Mark Cuban… What a guy!!

Anyway, there’s finally enough money back in the old mega to make me raise an eyebrow. Well, both eyebrows really, I can’t control them individually very well. I’m a little better with my right than my left. I can almost get just the right to go up, but if I try to do anything with the left, the right follows, not unlike a loyal little puppy.

I was not eligible for the power ball that was won earlier this week. That reached a very nice 363 million. Of course, 8 people had to split it, and after taxes it came out to something ridiculously mundane like 15 million per. At that point, you’d seriously have to ask yourself, “Why did I even join that stupid office pool in the first place? Now I only get 15 mil? Lame…”

This is now the question presented to me: Should I join OUR office pool? There’s already 20 people in it, chipping in $2 a piece. Do I really want to split 203 million with 20 other people? That’s only like 2 million a person… If I wanted that, I could just go beg in the streets… I can’t imagine that your average pan handler makes anything less than 2.6 million dollars a year. Is that what I want? Less money than a pan handler? Hardly seems worth it when you take the time to break it down properly.

The eternal optimist that’s leading this office charge to win the mega millions took the time to inform everyone that last nights California Lottery winner bought their ticket in Canoga Park, which is a city approximately 15 minutes from where we are. He pointed out that this means we definitely have a very good chance to win the mega millions, what with all the good lightning striking in the area… I think I could actually make more money by charging people to come stand in line for the chance to punch that optimist in the face.
Of course, I do have a secret weapon. Something that makes the drawing both unfair and totally unnecessary. I have lucky numbers.

Monday, February 20, 2006

A violent beating of time. However, time remains in critical condition and has not yet officially been killed

Eventually it happens to everyone. You come across a situation that is so painful and all consuming, that it just eats you alive. There’s nothing you can do but wait it out. It’s one of the most horrific and miserable things I can think of. Before you know it, you’ll do anything to distract yourself and try and take your mind off of reality for just a little while. You know for sure that you’ve hit rock bottom when you watch “Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London” and “The Prince & Me” back-to-back.

When I sat down to watch Agent Cody Banks 2, a sad thought crossed my mind: “I wonder if this will be as good as the first?” Yes, I have seen both cinematic masterpieces that fall under the umbrella of one Cody Banks. The tale of a 16-year-old secret agent is a time-honored tradition in Hollywood. I personally can’t get enough of it as is evident by my viewings of Agent Cody Banks 1 & 2. Don’t even get me started on the Spy Kids trilogy, one of the top 3 trilogies of all time. If we didn’t have movies with small under aged children constantly saving the world, then I think one could argue very convincingly that we wouldn’t have entertainment at the movies at all.

I’m afraid I’ll give away too much of the movie if I continue to discuss it further, so rather than ruin it for everyone, I’ll just move on to the Prince & Me.

Did some research on Julia Stiles, one of the main actresses in this movie. Turns out she graduated from Columbia with a degree in English, not unlike myself… well, I didn’t go to Columbia, but I did go to a school in NY, and I did get an English degree (sort of… 2.7 GPA doesn’t exactly scream “Master in my field.”) So I do find it a bit ironic that she would be willing to participate in a movie with a grammatically incorrect title. Please don’t go back and check this post for several grammatical errors, of which I’m sure there are a plenty. And also try to ignore the fact that being an English Major has fairly little to do with spelling and grammar. My point is this; I want to say Julia Stiles made and Ironic choice, that’s all. Now that I’ve said it, I realize just how unimpressive it really is… oh well.

In yet another attempt to avoid reality, I also watched the NBA All-Star game. I learned one thing; those guys really throw down those dunks hard. You really don’t know it until they miss though. Vince Carter missed a couple of dunks that went of the back of the rim and flew back ¾ the length of the court… or 18/24ths of the way down the court, as I’m apt to say. I was never one to simplify my fractions…

Now I’m writing this in hopes of killing a few more hours before I make a sad attempt at sleep… Sleep is usually the hardest thing to come by when you’re stuck in a situation like I am, but what can you do? Cross-stitch your own life size version of the Sistine Chapel ceiling? That’s what I did last night… now I’m just out of ideas.

Thursday, February 02, 2006