Wednesday, March 30, 2005

The Streak Ends...

With little or no fanfare at all, my modest "no comments" streak came to an end at approximately 11:18 pm on March 29, 2005. Those of you who have been paying attention know all to well that this mostly unknown streak began on March 13, 2005... Wow... it seems like ages ago...

My first official comment came from a man I know only as Jack Safety... you can check out his blog at On behalf of myself and no one else (can you even do that? Can you only speak on behalf of yourself? Don't you do that pretty much any time you say anything at all? How much longer can I possibly make this parenthetical statement? ...maybe just a little longer... ok, done.) I'd like to thank Jack for stopping by.

I didn't think I'd get a comment this early... I clearly underestimated one of two things... either the popularity of the Shuck N Jive search on google, or the sheer tenacity it must have taken to keep hitting "next blog" up in the right hand corner until the nonsense that is my blog popped up for someone (head gesture towards Jack Safety... maybe a little eye pointing that way too) to actually care enough to say something.

Keeping it regular

According to my three fortune cookies today (I always eat them in threes... one is chance, two is coincidence, but three is unavoidable fact) and it would appear as though my future involves those that I respect honoring me... Needless to say I'm looking forward to that.

I given it a lot of thought and after carefully weighing both sides of the issue, I'd have to say that my favorite part about a paper cut is when I wake up in the morning, and I've forgotten about it all together, just long enough to do something that completely reopens the wound and brings back all the pain I had previously forgotten... yeah... good times...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

For the Sake of Nonsense

I'm not going to go into much detail as to how the topic came up, but I will share with you the conclusions of said topic. Through a series of organized debates, with each side being permitted an allotted amount of time to state their case, one irrefutable conclusion was mutually agreed upon by both sides: Jesus shopped at Costco.
I'm also going to start some rumors about how he is going to be their next spokesperson. I suppose you could do worse for a face to represent your product.

"Costco - Jesus shops here, shouldn't you?"

I'd like to think right now that Costco is owned by a Jewish organization.

This next section is unrelated to any Jewish owned Costco with Jesus as it's spokesperson... In fact, it has surprisingly little to do with anything. Each sentence will have little or no relation to the previous...

After 27 years of existence, I'm almost ready to admit that I cannot control the weather.

I belong to a large group of people that sets their alarm clocks 7 minutes fast, so as to trick the body into thinking it's sleeping in just a little bit longer than it really is. This same group is largely responsible for everything that's wrong with the world.

Cats should be allowed to drive cars as fast as they want. They have amazing reflexes, and lets face it, if they're smart enough to grab the keys, walk out to the car, get in, start it up AND work the pedals while steering... They have earned the right to do whatever they want. At least that's my opinion...

There should be a ban placed on all fortune cookies that do not actually contain a fortune. They should be required to give the reader insight into the near by future. How is one expected to make important decisions in life without the help of a fortune cookie? If anyone knows the answer to that age old question, please feel free to inform the rest of us...

I think I just lost most of my readers with this post... I think I went from 0 all the way down to 0. That's like a 100% drop in readership... my sponsors aren't going to like this...

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Unfathomable Rage

I've been living with Tivo for about the last four years or so, and I will argue to the death that is the greatest invention in the last 20 years. Up until about a month ago, I had been thoroughly enjoying it's magical gifts. That ended when I moved to Simi Valley, and some poor landscaping on the part of my new apartment complex made it impossible to get a satellite signal here. My only option was digital cable. (by the way, the smear campaign they run against satellite TV is relentless on the digital cable)
At the time I thought it was a reasonable solution, given that I wanted to record my shows and watch them at my leisure, as is my way. And for the first month, my only real grips about the Moxi box vs. my Tivo box were that on the Tivo remote, I have a "list" button that takes me straight to all my recorded shows and bypasses a couple of menu clicks... Although, this is admittedly a luxury that I've come to learn not that many people know about. Whatever, I liked it. And also, with the Tivo, or any satellite TV for that matter, you can bring up a large grid, showing you what's on 10 channels or so at a time, for the next few hours, making it easy to quickly survey the television landscape for the next few hours. On my Moxi box, I have to go through one channel at a time to find out what the heck is on. It's a little tedious, and I prefer it the other way around.
I'm willing to admit that perhaps my experience with the Tivo made me a little biased, but other than those two things (that is up until yesterday) I couldn't come up with any other legitimate complaints. I think the load times are a little longer on the digital cable, but it's hardly worth mentioning. I'd say that the quality of the picture is the same, and all the options i.e. setting season passes, starting your recordings early and ending them late, deciding how long you keep a show... all of these things were comparable.
Then March 16th, 2005 rolled around and the proverbial caca, hit the proverbial fan... Tivo proved to me how it is light years ahead of digital cable in the span of about 1.8 seconds, or roughly the time it took me to realize that a show I had set for a season pass was not being recorded. You see, without shame, I will admit that I am a fan of Survivor. Survivor normally airs on Thursday nights, but during the NCAA basketball tournament, it gets moved to Wednesdays. This is not a problem for Tivo, but it is apparently an insurmountable task for the Moxi box. I only missed 20 minutes of the show, but that is not the point.
The point, my friends, (and yes, I'm painfully aware of the fact that no one is reading this blog) is that my Moxi box has now become an untrustworthy being that I have to pay for every month. I have to watch it with a careful eye now, and to me, that really defeats the purpose of having it in the first place. It's supposed to put TV on my schedule, but now all it's doing is ensuring that I have another chore every day. Now I have to double check it, make sure everything is going to record... I do not like this... I do not like this one bit!!! And now I will commence my rage... (mostly I'm just going to glare at the Moxi box...and every once in awhile I'll probably shake my fist, or start to swear at it, but my fury won't allow me to complete the sentence...)

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


Yeah, I kinda like powdered donuts... or napkins, who can be sure with trick photography these days.

Just so we're clear, yes, I can fit all six mini powdered donuts in my mouth at the same time from a pack of Hostess Mini Powdered Donuts. I'm not trying to prove anything, I'm just reporting the facts.

Let me just say that today has been spectacular so far. I had the pleasure of going to work... again... and that of course brought the joy of being blamed for things that are not my fault. Things like, New York is on the east coast, not on the west. Sorry guys, my bad. I made a few calls to try and get everyone over there to work until 8pm, so as to satisfy our needs, but I think they took a vote and all decided to go home at 5pm their time like they do everyday. Again, I apologize to everyone one the west coast.

No comments on my first post yet. I must say, I'm a little disappointed. I mean, no, I haven't told anyone that I have a blog yet, but I was kind of hoping everyone would just inherently know. I'll let word of mouth do the rest.

Well, until I think of something else to say, keep on truckin'.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

First official post

Well, here I am. Blogging like everyone else. It seems to be quite popular these days, and I'm nothing if not a trend follower. Back in the 80's I briefly tried being a trend setter... you may recall the hand sock wearing fad '86? Then again you may not, I was harshly critisized for it. The main argument against the trend was some nonsense about how, "that's what mittens and gloves are for." Whatever... needless to say, I was devistated, and I've just been following trends since then.

You may have noticed the title of this here blog, then again, maybe not, I really don't know how observant you are. In the off chance that you did, and in the even further off chance that you are wondering what it means, well, it's an omage to one of my favorite shows of all time, The Dukes of Hazzard. The Shuck 'N Jive is the preferred method of getting out of trouble for the Duke boys. It involves making a lot of stuff up. And that is precisely what I intend to do with this here blog. The only rule you need to know for reading this blog is don't ever take it too seriously. Otherwise, enjoy my mad ramblings.