Thursday, November 05, 2009

Another Cold Hard Truth brought to you by the Shuck 'N Jive

We have a growing problem in this country.  Belly Itchers.  Nobody wants them.  We seem to prefer pitchers over Belly Itchers almost universally.  From little league all the way up to the major leagues, it seems as if Belly Itchers have no place in this world.

BI's have been around for centuries.  Not a lot of people know this, but prior to 1845, Belly Itchers were a well respected people with a rich history and a lot to offer the various towns and cities that they occupied.  Of course, we all remember what happened in 1845.  The amount of negative Belly Itcher propaganda at that time would be considered excessive even in today's world of 24 hour news cycles and the internet.  Just look at this old anti-Belly Itcher flyer I found in the Shuck 'N Jive Archives:

It boggles the mind how these kinds of hate crimes start, but it's never to late to end the mistreatment of a group of people and prove that the human race is really decent and kind and should not, I repeat NOT, be wiped out by Alien with superior technology/morals.  I'm challenging all of you to be a better person and befriend a Belly Itcher today.  I think you'll find that they aren't as disgusting as you've been led to believe.  Once you've done that, go ahead and print out the picture below, use a safety pin to attach it to your shirt like you're a 2nd grader bringing home a note to your parents and take a photo of yourself wearing said picture in front of a well populated area so that I can see you spreading the word.  Post that picture online somewhere and leave a link in the comments.  I'll chose the best one and give the winner a prize*.  Please don't photoshop the picture unless you're really good at photoshop.  I don't want to look at any poorly photoshopped pictures.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's topic: Broken Ladders and their unacceptable use as a replacement for a batter.

*There's a well above average chance that the prize will consist of a series of "attaboys," virtual high fives and a picture of me giving you the thumbs up, but you never know, if enough people bend to my will, I may actually send you something.


cadiz12 said...

i know this is going to make me sound like a bigot, but i have ZERO TOLERANCE for people who leave caps off markers. especially the scented kind.

Syar said...

Check out my contribution to the plight of the Belly Itchers: I basically travelled back in time to New Year's 09 to tell this people about the Belly Itchers so that their future (our present) would be a better place for all.

We should feel the effects any day now.

Photographic evidence here. You didn't mention anything about amazing Photoshop, so hopefully this will be okay.

Jon said...

Cadiz: I feel it necessary to point out that Belly Itchers do not necessarily do this. It's just negative propaganda.

Syar: Amazing photoshop is always welcome! However, I do not believe you achieved this in your photo. All I see is a picture you clearly took after traveling back in time!! That's way more impressive than any old photoshop thingymadoo!

omar said...

Now that you mention it, I just realized that not once has a belly itcher won a Cy Young. Nor has a belly scratcher made an all-star team. Discrimination much, MLB?

Honestly, I'm surprised Al Sharpton's not all over the news talking about this.