Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The face of evil

It's not every day you get the chance to stare evil right in the face. Even if you did have the chance, I'm not sure it's something you'd really want. I've been staring at it for the past two days and I can tell you for a fact that it is terrifying.

Take a gander yourself, but be warned, you might want to put on some diapers for this one.

There are supposedly a thousand words that make up the worth of this picture, but there are none to describe the horror that fills your soul when you see this creature dance the Christmas chicken dance. Fortunately for all of you, my iPhone doesn't do video. You can thank me now for not giving you a reason to end your ability to hear and see. Ok, maybe just for the hearing, but then again, you might not be feeling so thankful after revoking your own eye privileges. I understand and respect your feelings at this time.

This concludes my first official post with my iPhone. Oh yeah, I have an iPhone, did I mention that? Yeah, it's true. Now I can finally type résumé without anyone asking me what exactly I'm about to resume. That should clear up an extra three hours for me everyday now that I won't have to reply to all those resume vs résumé related emails. What am I going to do with all that free time? Perhaps I'll look into this myspace thing all the kids are talking about.*

* this last sentance is supposed to be funny because everyone knows that facebook is where all the cool kids hang out these days. Maybe writing out this explanation takes away from that humor, but I'm much more worried that people are going to think that I'm actually going to spend time on myspace.

-- Post From My iPhone

Monday, December 01, 2008


The mood here at the Shuck N' Jive is tense.  

Very tense.  

Very, very tense.

Let me back up a little bit.  I want an iPhone.

Let me back up a little more.  About 6 months ago, I had my first real encounter with an iPhone.  Up to that point, I wasn't that impressed.  I knew what it was capable of, I just wasn't that interested.  But then I got to hold one.  Here's a sad secret about my current, some say unhealthy, obsession with the iPhone:  

The thing that made it all click, the feature that made me think, "If I don't get one of these soon, I will consider myself a failure at life and possibly other things." isn't what you might suspect.  It's not an app.  It's not a better Internet in my pocket.  It's not even having a qwerty keyboard instead of a number pad with which to type words like, "Adequisivity," or "Strategery."  No, the thing that got me is the touch screen.  And I don't mean the fact that I can do things just by touching the screen, I mean the glass itself.  It's some sort of high-grade aircraft-certified glass.  (As a small side note, you might think that the glass, being the feature that put me over the top, would deserve some sort of cursory research on my part so as to determine exactly what it is that makes it so great.  But that would take away the magic for me, and if you know nothing else about me, know this;  I don't like my magic to be taken away from me.)  When my friend took his keys and tried to scratch the glass with a sharp edge and the device came away looking as pristine as ever, I literally wet my pants.  Just so we're clear though, I was sitting down and I did not pee myself, that would be gross.  The moisture was from the drool that fell errantly from my mouth.  This is also gross, but considerably more acceptable and way less smelly.

Let me back up just a tinsy bit more.  I'm insane.

I started downloading apps for the iPhone about a week and a half ago.  I am not ashamed of this fact.  I know people that have owned an iPhone for over a year and have still not downloaded a single app.  I think that's something to be ashamed of.  So, while some people out there may make fun of me for preparing myself for my eventual iPhone purchase, I will feel sorry for them because they probably don't have an iPhone and consequently will never feel joy in life.  Therefore they deserve my sympathy.

I'm sure there's at least one of you wondering what's keeping me from getting an iPhone right now.  That's a fair wonder.  I don't have AT&T, so I have to wait for my current contract to expire so that I can properly exploit my free agent status just like any other sub-par professional athlete would.  December 7th.  That's the day I become an unrestricted free agent. 

I'm not really at liberty to make claims that I cannot guarantee or back up with some sort of monetary leverage, but I'm pretty sure that once I obtain my precious, I'll be posting a lot* more.

*I reserve the right to define "a lot" as "a little," or "hardly any."