New Strategy

We've been hard at work here in the Shuck N Jive R&D department. We've been carefully studying our readers and we've made a few shocking discoveries. First of all, we still have readers? Who reads these days? That just seems odd. Secondly, our readers hate us. They hate us for not posting. They hate us for posting. They hate us because we advocate wearing shoes and socks all the time and they hate us because it's totally the cool thing to do right now. Thirdly, and most shockingly, we discovered the hate is totally warranted and when we tried hating ourselves, we felt pretty hip and cool. It's not easy to give that up. So that's ok, we hate us too, so you can keep doing it and not feel bad.

All these discoveries have led to some interesting innovations from our crappy problem solving department. The theory is that things have gotten stale. The characters are all old and no one is interested any more. In order to liven things up a bit, my team has suggested that we bring in some new blood. To that end, my wife and I are currently in production of creating a whole new human being! To the lay people, that's the super smart way of saying we're having a baby! Of course, if you read her blog, you probably knew that already.

So yeah, that's happening. For the sake of the blog, we will produce, raise and educate a small human and eventually release them into the wild. This is kind of a long term project, so stay tuned.

I'm getting the band back together.

You think I'm not doing this? I'm doing this! (at least for today.)

Nablopomo is a real thing.

Yay! Pictures!

I take pictures all the time with the intention of posting them to this somewhat neglected blog.  I take the pictures with my phone and I have an app that will let me create a post and upload it to the Shuck N Jive.  Somehow though, this just isn't convenient enough for me and I still can't muster the motivation to post it.  There's probably something wrong with me.  I'm hoping the next iPhone will have some sort of Siri integration that allows me to snap a picture and then just say, "Siri, post this to my blog and say something using my signature wit."  Time will tell.  In the mean time, I have some other important things I should be doing right now, so obviously I'm going to neglect those and post.

Below, you will find a few pictures I've taken over the last few months along with some clever comments about said picture.  There's no way you won't enjoy this.

"Hey guys, think it's time to defrost the freezer?"

That line got a huge applause at work.  I don't think they stopped laughing for at least 3 days.

"This way, it doesn't matter if you wash your hands after you use the bathroom, your hands will be filthy no matter what."

Nobody laughed at that one, but that's because I was alone in the bathroom at the time.  I thought about writing it down on a piece of paper, but then I remembered that most people I work with are illiterate.  I'm currently working on building a motion sensing robot that has a recording of me saying that and will play it whenever someone makes eye contact with the dispenser.  And yes, I realize that still doesn't make sense on account of the illiteracy problem I mentioned, but I like to make things, get off my back.

I didn't say anything when I found out I had to use these the other day in order to UPGRADE the OLDER software!  That's right, I used *5* 3.5" floppies in order to upgrade the system.  We're on the cutting edge.

These are for a project I'm working on.  If the project doesn't go well, I can always go chase the dragon, or some other such drug reference.

"Everyone knows domesticated sardines just don't taste as good."

Yeah, I think I nailed that one.  I was in a grocery store and I wasn't really talking to anyone, but I'm pretty sure everyone in the general vicinity was thinking the same thing.  That same thing being that I totally nailed it.

"Successfully inflicting personal injury since 1964!"

You can draw your own erroneous conclusions about how this is actually an ad for a Personal Injury attorney, but look at the ad closely, the two guys on the right?  That's not Brown & Brown like you might think, that's one of the Brown brothers and a satisfied customer.  The guy on the far right has successfully had his eye put out.  Probably by the Brown with the warmest hands.

Ok, I think that's all I have for now.  That totally makes up for not posting in maybe the last 6 months, right?

Hi

It's been awhile.


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I can quit whenever I want

See? I don't have to blog. I can quit whenever I want. It's the same with eating sunflower seeds. I can quit whenever I want. Did I recently purchase and finish a giant bucket of seeds like this:



Yes, yes I did. And in case it's not clear how large this bucket is, check this out:



That's right, this bucket is large enough to trap and drown a small child. This was obviously a problem because that's a pretty specific warning. So yeah, I ate a bucket of seeds large enough to drown a small child in.

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Cue the Celebration!

I really thought I was going to try on the last day, but I can't think of anything and I need to pee.



Congrats to all, specifically Cadiz, Madelyn and Syar for accompanying me on yet another miserable Nablopomo journey!


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Stuffing

I came home to this:



Looks like the cake monster has a new vice. I guess it's my fault though, I did say all I needed to make more stuffing was two loafs of bread nicely torn to pieces...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Seems like only a month ago...

And yet, does this really surprise anyone?



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Mmmmmmm whatcha say

Maybe I didn't invent this, but I made one tonight:



It's a hot dog with mashed potatoes, mustard, relish, mayo, ketchup, cheese and sour cream.

Also, I have trouble with puffy letter "R's." <-- I have no idea if the punctuation in there is correct.


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Learning

I shaved my head for a number of reasons. One of those was to find out exactly what was happening with my hairline. I have my answer:



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.