Monday, November 02, 2009

The Stanky Leg

I have recently been alerted to a threat I believe everyone should know about.  It's called Stanky Leg.  I don't have any idea what it really is, but I do know that there is a song about it that I've never heard.  I have no choice but to make something up and accept it as truth.

Stanky Leg, or the get-away-from-me-your-leg-smells disease as it's known on the street, is an illness affecting more than 17 billion people today.  You may not have it yourself, but chances are everyone you know and/or are related to is infected.  There is no known cure, but there is an intern with a C+ average that has been assigned the task of creating a chart to track the average lifespan of those currently engulfed by this disease.  He's at lunch right now, but I'm sure as soon as he gets back, he'll be all over it.  Until then, we'll just have to wait and hope for the best.

Symptoms of Stanky Leg include foul odors emanating from the leg area, crazy bad arthritis in the shoulder, left handedness, ankle bearding, Chinese checkers infatuation and purple burps.  It can affect either leg, but not both at the same time.  It has a one leg Stank rule.  You may notice your friends walking away from you and pointing at your leg as they cover their mouths with any available gas masks or bandit style handkerchiefs they may be wearing around their neck.  It is most commonly transfered through diaper sharing, but you may also catch it from shaking hands or open mouth talking.

Please distribute the flyer below to help spread awareness.  It's up to us as a community to stomp out this vicious disease.  I'm counting on you.


Madelyn said...

Purple burps? Chinese Checkers infatuation? Crap, I think I have this.

Anonymous said...

You may not know this, but apparently the stanky leg has its own special dance too. I know a guy who, I kid you not, dislocated his knee doing said dance.

The moral of the story is that Stanky Leg is indeed a dangerous and serious condition, and no laughing matter.

Syar said...

Does the bow in his hair have anything to do with contracting the Stanky Leg? I know you only listed diaper sharing, open mouth talking and shaking hands but I don't want my hairstyle choices to make me more susceptible to this awful, awful disease, what some* may call: the new swine flu.

Also, that intern? The reason he's taking so long? He's not at lunch. He's at home with the Stanky Leg. I'm sorry for your loss.


cadiz12 said...

damn, i just got back from a dance class during which not one but TWENTY people were twisting their hips to rid themselves of a stanky leg.

are sore thigh muscles another side effect? because i'm expecting some serious pain tomorrow morning. and purple burps, too.

Anonymous said...

not sure what to make of this...

Jon said...

Madelyn: You're not alone. Over 17 billion have already been infected.

Cofo: This "friend" of yours, does he have what medical doctors would refer to as, "Loose-knee?"

Syar: No, the bow is in no way related to his contraction of this disease, however, it is currently being used by doctors and tax payers as a way to identify those that have already been infected. So yeah, that's going to play into your hairstyle choices.

Cadiz: The pain will go away after a few days, but no amount of hip twisting can rid anyone of this disease. In fact, some would argue that twisting one's hip only aggravates the condition. I would have to advise against it.

Anonymous: Make fear. Make lots and lots of fear.