UPDATE

Had a follow up appointment with my Maxillofacial Surgeon today. I believe his goal was to end the appointment in record time. I was inside his office for approximately 90 seconds… we spent the first thirty catching up on exactly why I was there in the first place. After a bit, he remembered that I was the little sissy boy complaining about not being able to fully clench my jaw. He spent the next thirty seconds laughing. The final thirty seconds were spent by him explaining to me that my condition was chronic, would most likely happen again and that he wasn’t going to do anything about it right now.

I was immediately relieved. I was terrified that this would be something I could fix now and forget about for the rest of my life, but now I can rest easy at night knowing that at any moment I could slip back into the horrific nightmare that is TMJ. He said it was most likely cause by some bleeding in the joint. Another victory, I thought to myself. Learning that my joints are capable of spontaneously bleeding internally is probably a lot like learning you’re pregnant. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time. I guess I wouldn’t really know about the pregnant thing though because every time I’ve suspected something, the doctor has always informed me that I am not, in fact, pregnant. And yes, hearing that news always makes me a little sad on the inside.

Fortunately for me, the news about my joint is true, and no one can take that away from me. I can’t wait to get my mouth guard from the dentist next week. I’ll be like a proud father the first time my joint inexplicably starts bleeding after I start wearing that mouth guard to sleep. I will openly mock the dentist at that point. Even if it is 3 am, I will call him up and let him know that the $302.00 I spent on this glorified plastic replica of my teeth impressions was totally worth it since I can now call him a quack. I will declare it open season on any and all Dental insult jokes, and he will have no ground to stand on. It will be exhilarating.

In the mean time, I leave you with this picture. It’s the exit sign at the Maxillofacial (yes, I could just say Oral Surgeon, but I think they’re pretty proud of the fact that they have a fancy name for people who pull teeth out for a profession.) Surgeon. I’ve never seen a sign quite like it before. The first time I saw it was right before I was about to have my wisdom teeth taken out. I cannot say why, but I felt a little uneasy. Then they knocked me out.