Sunday, November 26, 2006

Time Out

I’m in terrible shape. I proved this to all of the doubters last Thursday in the annual Turkey Bowl. This was not enough for me. I needed further validation that I am, in fact, in the worst shape of my life. Today, I added to that case with a short bike ride.

I didn’t even make it to the end of the block before I was winded. Our house is located in the middle of the block, so that’s saying, “I’m more than just a little pathetic.” I’m not sure exactly how many fractions of a mile I rode my bike today, but I can tell you that when I got back, my legs were pretty much useless to me. I wanted to do things like walk and stand, but these options weren’t really available to me.

My theory is that it will take me about a month before I’m physically fit enough to play in the National Football League. I figure if I ride my bike every other day or so, that’s got to be at least twice as much as any player in the league is doing to stay in shape, so I should be right there with them in approximately 30 days. Another two weeks after that, and I should be in NBA shape. And in two months, I can’t fathom a situation where I’m not ready for the Tour de France. I mean, I’m going to be riding my bike every other day or so for at least 3 or 4 miles. How could I not compete (and most likely win) the Tour de France?? Words like, preposterous and improbable come to mind.

I’m also going to start slicking back my hair, but only on the sides. The top will be allowed to roam free as it always has. Since the last hair cut, I’ve gained a new respect for the toughness it has. I’ll never question that again. I have no idea how the slicking back of the hair will influence me in any way, but I feel that at this juncture, it is a necessary means to an unidentified end. Also, I may have been looking to add some padding to this particular post and that may, or may not have been the first thing that popped into my head.


omar said...

I was thinking about winning the Tour de France next year, but it coincides with my wife's birthday, and family is too important to me.

You'll be glad you added that 4th mile on day 14 when you're riding up the Pyrenees.

(If it's any consolation to you, I am certain to be in worse shape than you are. I'd be willing to have a physician sign off on that, if you wanted documentation.)

Pappy's Fella said...

Not sure about biking, but Turkey Bowls are no fair measure of fitness. I was running 15-20 miles a week and lifting weights, and after my last Turkey Bowl my stomach muscles felt like a punching bag. Something about taking off at full speed is ruinous.

Happy Nablopomo!