Friday, November 10, 2006

Another unnecessary update

Ok, yesterday was the day. I had been thinking about it ever since I gagged on some yogurt like gunk. $302.00 and two weeks later, I was handed my mouth guard. It didn’t fit. After 25 minutes of shaving and tightening and adjusting, it sort of fit. As well as any piece of plastic specially molded for your teeth can fit anyway. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I think I thought it would fit better than it did.

I had a 7 AM dentist appointment. When you’re lucky, you’re lucky. I tried to wear the guard on the drive to work to get used to it and in case I was in a car accident. In my last car accident, I chipped a tooth. With this bad boy, that worry would be gone. Or so I thought.

There were a few things I wasn’t ready for. When I wear the mouth guard, it’s a lot harder to close my lips together. That’s something I had taken for granted. I also wasn’t prepared for the saliva build up. I don’t know if it’s because I had this new thing in my mouth activating my saliva glands, or because I had never had a plastic tray to catch the saliva that would otherwise drip down in my mouth. The mouth guard lasted about 3 minutes.

I pretty much ignored it for the rest of the day. As much as I wanted something to give my speech a lisp, I just wasn’t comfortable bringing the guard out in front of everyone at the office. The last thing I want to do is make them all jealous and I can’t really afford to have someone steal it from me right now.

Last night was my first night with the guard. I paid too much for it to not wear it, so I put it in before I went to bed. It was pretty annoying and I found it a little difficult to sleep, but I knew it would be awhile before I got used to it, so I decided that I just needed to suck it up. I woke up a couple of times and wanted to pull it out, but I knew I had to get used to it, so I dealt with it.

When I finally woke up this morning and decided it was ok to take it out, I was greeted with a pleasant surprise. I had no idea how the guard would affect me, but I was not prepared for what happened next. I put the guard back in the case and as I did so, I went to clench my jaw. Much to my amazement, I couldn’t clench. Not only that, but my jaw was also exceptionally sore! On both sides no less!!! I was ecstatic. I had to wait two weeks, and it cost me over $300.00, but they had found a way to make my jaw feel worse than it ever had!

It was totally worth it. If you’re just too comfortable when you sleep and you need something in your mouth to annoy the crap out of you so that you can have that restless, unfulfilling, empty sleep that you’ve always wanted, I highly recommend getting a mouth guard.


Radioactive Jam said...

I'm guessing the dentist maybe neglected to mention this special added benefit? Wanted to surprise you, like.

Of this much I'm sure: I feel bad for you, and I'm glad I'm not your dentist.

cadiz12 said...

but you're forgetting about the added benefit! not just anyone can produce a slobbery lisp on command, right?