Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I consider myself a listener and a thinker.

It is with alarming regularity that I remind myself as well as the rest of the world what buffoon I really am. The situations always start our simple enough. I’ll be performing some regular everyday activity. This is usually my first mistake. I think I get sucked into the comfort of the situation and inadvertently trust myself to carry on like I’m actually capable of being a normal human being.

Today was no different. The situation in question was myself driving around performing a few errands while on lunch. I chose the cell phone as my medium for broadcasting my ineptitude and my girlfriend as the unlucky audience.

I was driving down the road when I noticed up ahead about half a block that the right lane was closed. As I was currently driving in the right lane, I thought it prudent to move over into the left lane. As I neared the section of the road where the right lane was closed (as was marked by several flashing lights and a couple of big work trucks), a silver Honda CR-V, still in the right lane and quickly running out of room, was almost refusing to quickly move in front of me, in spite of the room I was graciously allowing them to move into my lane in front of me. In a moment of frustration, I announced to my poor girlfriend on the phone, “I wish this person in the CR-V would learn how to drive! Preferably right now!”

At this point, I was still concealing my inherent buffoonery quite well. It was only a matter of time before that would end. My sweet, loving girlfriend, only trying to sympathize and be the best, most supporting girlfriend she could be while on the phone said, “What do those letters even mean? I think all of Honda’s letter named cars are acronyms.” This is where I chose to unveil the mask and show her what I’m really made of. I replied, “I have no idea what those numbers mean.”

“What?” she said. Apparently the cell phone gods made an attempt to save me by having the connection momentarily break up. Undaunted, I repeated slowly and clearly, “I have absolutely no idea what those numbers mean.”

She is a good woman. She just moved past it and proceeded to come up with various possibilities for the letters “CR-V.” CRossover Vehicle was her submission. I decided it was a Compact Recreational Vehicle. Turns out we were both sort of right. Most explanations of the CR-V call it a crossover SUV. The European literature on the auto calls it a Compact Recreational Vehicle, while Honda sources call it a Comfortable Runabout Vehicle.

For now, I’ll be referring to it as a Crappy… Road… Variable (?)… whatever…

5 comments:

cadiz12 said...

"comfortable runabout vehicle"? used for running out and causing an accident?

Radioactive Jam said...

How did you fare in algebra classes? Letters, numbers - it's *all* just arbitrary symbology.

Although context does become a factor. Hence in the CR-V context, 'letters' might make more sense to more people.

And of course everyone knows the majority is always right, right?

Jon said...

Cadiz: As far as I can tell, the primary use of the CR-V is to cause accidents for me to avoid on Wednesdays during my lunch hour while I run some errands.

Jam: I made it through Calculus and Physics in high school. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve forgotten most of it.

Context means everything. I usually don’t pay attention to it.

As for the majority always being right, well, the problem with that is everyone thinks that right and wrong are clear, concise, black and white, specific answers when the truth is, there is no more ambiguous, perspectified (I think I just made that word up) word than “right.”

Syar said...

where was the buffoonery? I didn't spot it. is it that you said letters instead of numbers?

....

jon, you know I adore you, but I gotta say, if that's it then I'm kinda underwhelmed.

in other news, your girlfriend sounds cool.

Radioactive Jam said...

I'm thinking the majority don't (doesn't?) hold to that line of thinking. Which is not to say I put myself with the majority when it comes to thinking; reality is what you make it.

How's *that* for arbitrary and meaningless?