Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Serious Business

Do you ever have those moments in life when you’re going about your regular business, and then you come across a situation where you can’t help but scream, WTF out loud? This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, it still catches me off guard. Allow me to explain.

I play fantasy football. I play a lot. I have the misfortune of playing with this one particular person in two different leagues. Think of those special words you reserve for people that you despise and insert them here ______ when available. This ______ started off on the wrong foot with everyone by being a total ______ to begin with, but then it seemed like he was bound and determined to show everyone in the world what a ______ really was. I don’t want to spoil the surprise, but he was amazingly successful in his quest.

It was decided for one of the leagues that he was in that we would hold an email draft because everyone was really busy after work and could not afford to get together for a couple hours to have the draft. ______ had the 3rd overall pick in the draft. I was against the email draft because last time we did one it took us a little over a day to finish. I may be unemployed, but I’m not that unemployed. Well, ______ decided to give us taste of what we were in for. Normally the first 8-10 picks go like dominoes in the first round because it’s pretty damn obvious whom you should take… especially with the number 3 overall pick. ______ took an hour and a half to make his first pick. We were already forming a line to punch him in the face.

It took us a little over 3 days to complete that draft, largely because ______ was taking his time to research every 3rd string kicker in the European leagues. ______ has already been banned from next year’s fantasy leagues, but that doesn’t save us from having to deal with him more this year. He proved to us today that he’s still got something left in the tank though.

In our fantasy leagues, you can make up to 40 moves for the entire season not including trades. I.e. you can pick up free agents that are doing better than the guys you drafted to make your team better. Adding one player and dropping another is considered one move. You can do this up to 40 times in the season. Seems fair. Well, ______ is up to 36 moves with 4 weeks plus the playoffs left to go. As you can see, he hasn’t been very judicious with his moves. This is another reason we don’t like ______. He doesn’t even really watch the games, he just checks stats at half time and picks up the guys having huge games.

So today, ______ puts up a post in our league asking if anyone has any objections to raising the number of moves from 40 to 50 to help accommodate those of us who’ve had injuries. Nobody else in the league has made more than 25 moves, so we’re all feeling pretty comfortable. He’s clearly the only person that needs this help. He’s a ______ and I honestly don’t know how he avoids getting beat up every single day.


omar said...

Where's the "punch him in the face" line? I want in.

cadiz12 said...

for real. i don't shy away from punching when the _______ is really asking for it.