Thursday, November 08, 2007

Please put on your shades… this future is pretty bright

Things are changing for me. I won’t be the same after today. I’ll be embarking on a new chapter in my life. An exciting chapter that will no doubt be filled with many twists and turns, many difficult choices and of course, lots of great music. I imagine the audio version of this chapter will be much better than the written version, but that’s mostly because of the music.

From this point forward, you will no longer know me simply as Jon. Hence forth, you shall know me as Hero. That will of course be the nickname for my Rock Gods given name, Guitar Hero the Third. But try not to put me on a pedestal. Try not to think of me as greater than every other human being on the face of the planet. I will still be Jon, but I will be superior in almost every way.

I don’t expect the journey ahead to be easy. I imagine I’ll be devoting a significant portion of my time and energy into something other than this post. It’s to my understanding that I’ll have to master 5 different colored buttons. It may take me an entire week to do that. The most difficult part of my journey will be learning rhythm. I’ve proven on countless occasions in the past that I am completely void of any and all rhythm. This will need to be remedied before I can assume the mantle of the Hero. My only option at this point will be to embark on an intense 3-5 minute montage. I wish there was another way, but there isn’t. It has to be like this.

I think it is both fair and safe for you to expect to be reading headlines in your local paper about how I am vanquishing evil left and right with the use of only game pad in the shape of a guitar. I will defeat evil with rock and roll, and my instrument of justice will be a plastic, wireless pseudo-guitar. If I were evil, and as part of my evil attire, I wore boots… I’d be shaking in those boots. I’m coming for you evil, and I’m bringing my video game prowess.

If you see me in the near future, don’t be alarmed that I’m wearing a pink mesh tank top with surprisingly little belly coverage. I’m just doing my job.


cadiz12 said...

i think i once saw you saving the world at a club. when you're not rocking the guitar, you're using radioactive glowsticks, right?

omar said...

I'm pretty sure I have no idea what this post is about. And this is disturbing to me, because typically, we're on - or close to - the same page. Now that I think about it, I wonder if THAT should be more disturbing to me?

No offense, of course.

Syar said...

Can I be President of the Hero Jon Fan Club? Every Hero needs a fan club.

Think about it. Small plastic guitar-shaped buttons proclaiming your fame, awesome t-shirts, anti-pumpkin-thievery patrol at your beck and call, someone to feed the cats and upload their tennis-playing prowess to YouTube...our uses would be endless.