Thursday, November 01, 2007

Love Hurts

NaBloPoMo is arguably the happiest time of the year. Children and adults alike look forward to the magic that happens every year around this time. That is what makes this so hard. I didn’t want to start off like this, but I don’t have a choice. Someone else made the choice for me, and had they taken the small amount of time it would have taken to consult me, they would have found out that I would not have made the same choice they did. It is with a heavy heart that I write this post.

Last night, October 31, 2007, a coward among cowards did the unthinkable. Someone, or something, stole one of my pumpkins. I’ll give you several minutes to soak that in and deal with the flood of emotions that has no doubt washed over you at this time. Take as much time as you need. 30 full seconds if you have to. I’ll be here waiting semi patiently.

Ok, now I need a minute to gather myself. You see, I had just carved the kidnapped pumpkin this afternoon. I was too tired to do it yesterday, so I saved it for today. I was worried that it would be harder than the first one I carved, so approached it cautiously. Little did I know that all of the prep work the day before (which was all done by my mother, thus making the crime that much more horrifying) would make the actual carving that much easier. I was actually quite proud of what I did. No, it will never match my girlfriend’s carving of the previous year, but few things in this world could. So I was content with what I had made. I looked forward to nightfall when I could take a picture of my glowing pumpkins. Alas, that picture would never be taken.

All I have left are a few baby pictures from when the pumpkin was freshly carved. There’s no dancing candlelight to really bring the pumpkin to life. I’ll never get that chance, and it makes me sad. I’ve attached a photo below. Please do me a favor and hum Queen’s “We Are the Champions,” followed by the long version of Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” as we, the world, mourn the loss of this great pumpkin.


Radioactive Jam said...

Okay first of all I gotta say... belated happy birthday.

Whew! I tell you, that's a heavy burden no one should have to carry as long and far as I did. Using certain whimsical timescales, I've hauled that puppy around for like, eternity squared. Wait! Plus pi squared.

Or was it pi times radius squared? I can't remember, it's been so long.


I am of course dancing (in my usual spastic manner) around the real subject, which is a most unpleasant combination of grief and dismay. While I cannot mimic Bill Clinton (I've no skill with doing impressions, seriously) and say, "I feel your pain," nevertheless I do feel bad for you.

I hope the thief (or thieves because really, who knows?) gets his or her or their just recompense in this life, and if there's an afterlife I hope Justice Is Served there as well.

Because when Justice isn't served, we all suffer.

You know, maybe I do feel your pain... no, sorry, I think that's the Egg McMuffin. Sorry.

Also, FIRST! Have a great NaBloPoMo; I for one am looking forward to that sixteen post day.

Anonymous said...

I thinking your pumpkin was stolen by a Raiders fan...

omar said...

I totally would have been first, but I kept losing my place in "Stairway to Heaven" and starting over.

I actually am sad that we'll never get to see the finished product. I wanted to see the follow up to Lord Vader.

Or maybe the thief will do the right thing and return it. Stranger things have happened. For example, Jon successfully completed NaBloPoMo last year.

Did that NaBloPoMo reference seem forced? Be honest. It felt forced.

Nadia said...

I bet it was that kid with the football-shaped head.

My condolences, Jon. May that sick twisted rat bastard rot in the special hell.

But really, all this means is that next year, you'll just have to carve one that comes alive and eats people.

No problem.

cadiz12 said...

this is why i think halloween should be only for sweetfaced little children. the hooligans and slutty-[insert your choice profession here]es ruin everything!

the little jerk who stole your badass pumpkin has karma coming for him, i just know it.