What am I going to do tonight?

The same thing I do every night, try to draw a picture.

Congratulations to Madelyn, Cadiz, Syar and Cofo on completing another NaBloPoMo!  I feel like a marathon runner after completing, well, a marathon.  You know, if I stopped to walk half the time, maybe ran inside a convenience store or two for some beef jerky along the way and stole some little kids bike to finish the last 2/3rd's of it.

High Fives all around!!!

This is why you should always wait until the day before Christmas to buy presents...

Not long ago, Cadiz's parents finally decided to join the digital age and had broadband internet access installed directly in their home.  I was probably the most excited about this because I get excited about these kinds of things.  It's who I am.  Things went well at first, but then a virus struck the venerable family computer.  Cadiz and her brother decided that a new computer would be the perfect Christmas present.  That got me all excited again.  We settled on a Mac for several reasons, but the most important involved virus concerns.  Macs don't really go on sale so much, so this past weekend provided probably the lowest price we were going to find.  And that was all well and good because I had been tasked with prepping the computer with all the necessary software as well as moving over some photos and other media the Cadiz parents might like to have and all of that takes a little time.  However, yesterday morning's unannounced parental visit produced this unfortunate picture:

I was so flustered I lost my eyebrows.  

Cop Out #1

Ok, that title is certainly debatable. Almost as debatable as this picture:


-- Post From My iPhone 4 originally.

Self portrait

I'm sitting in a bar where the music is being cranked to jet airliner engine levels. So obviously I drew a picture of myself.


-- Post From My iPhone 4 with love.

The day after yesterday AKA, Today

It occurs to me that I don't really have ANY days off...  I will now go supply a river with my seemingly unending tears.

Thankstaking

Ok, who reads that as "Thank Staking" and who reads it as, "Thanks Taking?"  They are two very different things.

Hope springs eternal

I don't know if you knew this or not, but the President of the United States of America pardons a turkey every year.  One. Lucky. Turkey.

I don't know how long that pardon is for though.  I don't know if it's just for the Thanksgiving weekend or what. Is there a ranch full of Presidentially pardoned turkeys?  I. DON'T.  KNOW.

Here's a picture.  Enjoy the thousand words that are no doubt flooding your mind.

Talking about youth is wasted on the elderly...

Here at the Shuck N Jive, we strive to give you fair and accurate information in the most muddled and confusing manner possible.  Enjoy.

Coming Summer 2032...

THE LAST "Z" CATCHER...

so yeah, this is going to be based on a true story.

Inception

This is the best I can do with what I think I know...

Coming Fall of 2016...

I forget exactly what was said, I just know that the live studio audience was in absolute stitches.  I can't wait to see the dailies.

That's the plan anyway…

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it has a plan too.

They must be very well priced...

I work with two people that own these:

I was going to post sooner but...

I couldn't stop eating.  This isn't usually a problem for me, but my hands and mouth were running some sort of a worst-case-scenario drill with my stomach.  We're all still waiting for the lab to process the data.  I'll let you know how my stomach did.

There's been some grumbling lately from fellow NaBloPoMo-ers about not having ideas for posts.  I just want to say to everyone out there participating in NaBloPoMo, lower your standards.  The Shuck N' Jive hasn't had a decent idea for a post since mid 2005.  Just keep swimming.

Never quit, unless you can't win, but even then, don't tell anyone that you're quitting.

Syar inadvertently issued a challenge to me via twitter.  I'm working on it.  In the mean time...

Another post about how hard my life is.

This one is sure to draw sympathy.

Sundays torture me

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it has nuts too.

There was... a situation.

Before this falls apart on twitter...

One of the great mysteries of the universe

One thing is for certain, I either need to stop sleeping or working and get to the bottom of all this unaccounted for time.  I've been searching the internet for hours trying to figure this conundrum out, but so far no luck.  I'll let you know how this pans out.

The reports of my headache have been greatly exaggerated.

Have I had a continuous headache for four days now?  Maybe.  Three days for sure, but I don't know about today.  It's really not that bad.  It's so mild in fact, that I keep forgetting that I have it, then I stop whatever it is that I'm doing and I feel it again.  It's like when you have a paper cut on your pinky finger and you keep forgetting about it, but then you do something normal without thinking about it and it hits you again.  Yeah, it's annoying, but it isn't ruining your speeches to the tax fraud commission.

Also, I know what's causing the headache, and it isn't really a big concern.  Observe:

It isn't what you think.  The bird isn't pecking at my head.  He just has a bit of a death grip on my head with his bird feet.  They are unusually large and alarmingly strong.  His name is Sunrise (his parents were hippies) and he mostly just hangs out up there.  Showers are a little complicated when it comes time to shampoo, but we have a deal.  I take a shower and shampoo my hair and he stays put and gets in the way.  He's a very savvy negotiator. I got railroaded in the contract.  Did you know I have to do his laundry (fluff, fold and iron) and comb his feathers?  No wonder he won't leave.

*Bonus frustration post

Seriously?


Thanks a lot, O2 sensor!

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's eagerly anticipating iOS 4.2.

Next time, I'm just taking it to the shop

I changed the oil in Cadiz's car today.  In order to take the photograph below, I had to chop the car right down the middle.  Ha ha, just kidding Cadiz! (seriously though guys, not kidding)  I don't think the picture really shows it that well, but I had to actually have a second elbow implanted in my arm in order to reach the oil filter.  The only way to get at it is to be directly underneath it.  Unfortunately, you can't really see what you're working on and once you get the old filter loose, well, gravity and old oil have a conversation about how best to ruin your clothes.

Also, that second elbow is really helpful when trying to scratch that itch between your shoulder blades.  Other than that, you're just a freak with two elbows on one arm.

Enough with the waiting...

Here's what was inside the box that had me doing the gangbanger shuffle:

This is my first DSLR camera and I am very excited.  You can email me directly if you'd like to see some pictures of me making out with the camera.  They're a little too raw for this blog.  I have been wanting one of these for several years now, but that whole money thing kept getting in the way.  Well, this year, after placing a series of clever hints and clues, I finally convinced everyone to pool all of their resources and help contribute to the purchase of this beautiful camera.  If I ever stop making out with it, I may even shoot a photo or two.

Omar, I triple dog dare you to have a new photo assignment post.

I don't think I'm alone...

in saying that this is just plain awful.

It's Sunday.  They can't all be winners.  Of course, I will be having custom made sweaters with this pattern on them for all of my family members at Christmas.  I think it's going to be the best family photo ever.  I'm also going to have headbands made up, but those will be optional for photos and mandatory for caroling/wassailing.

Some days, you don't even have to work for post material

This is a monster that doesn't scare me.

The title pretty much says it all.  Although I'm not sure if the monster is mocking me, or asking a serious question...

His name is Sandra. Sandra the Destructionator!

I thought all of this information was common knowledge, but based on the number of questions I received today, (actual count is currently at zero) I thought I'd offer up some hard facts about the anatomy of a Vampire Dragon Wolf.

You're welcome.

I got troubles

Ultimately, I am responsible for what happens in this life, but there are some things that don't make it easy.  Here is a chart of some of those things and their relative impact.

Do you understand what it means to be on the "Can't Cut" list?  Look it up.  I need a good cry.

I call this one, "I have to be up at three AM for work and I should have been in bed an hour ago."

I got a flu shot yesterday, so yeah, I'm feeling sick today.  I don't think it's fair that diseases can attack me on a cellular level.  If I can't fight you with my bare fists, then you shouldn't be able to make me feel achy and tired.  Obama is doing absolutely nothing about this while he's the President.  Ugh!! I hate politics!!

Anyway, in spite of my general sucky feeling, I was still able to muster up a little energy today because I got to pick up my birthday present.  It's something I've been wanting for about 4 years now, so yeah, eat it flu or flu like symptoms from a "vaccination."

And you thought yesterday was mediocre... by the time November is over, people will think that mediocre means turn off your computer and never look at the internet again because you may accidentally see this blog.

I have a terrible idea...

Let the mediocrity begin!