Monday, June 06, 2005

Not another list? (sigh, it’s another list…)

Yeah, this is going to be a list post. I’m neither for nor against such things like some people. I won’t say that I hate them, but I won’t say that I love them either. Basically I like to think I lack creativity all together, so to perform a post such as this only solidifies that fact. I figure, if everyone else is doing it, then maybe I should too. I mean, if you read my very first post, you’ll understand why I’m a trend follower, not a trendsetter.

A few notes before we get started, I’m going for the marathon “100” list, only, I’m going to attempt to do it without cheating, i.e. I’m not going to comment on a previous item and give that comment an entire number all to itself. Don’t be surprised if this list only gets to like 14 though. Also, the order in which the items on the following list are in a VERY particular order. So particular in fact, that if you are good at quantum mechanics and chaos theory, by item # 99 you should have developed a formula that will totally allow you to completely and fully predict item #100. And that should be a level of fun on par with going to the doctor to investigate that weird lump in that spot we don’t like to talk about.

Well, here we go! Don’t worry, this should be totally uninteresting to about 98.3% of the people that visit this nonsense I call a blog. And I promise that at least 44% of this stuff is true. Maybe more, we’ll see though, I’m not very interesting, so I may need to “spice it up” a little bit. I think I’ll use everyone’s favorite spice, Paprika.

1. I like to take walks in the rain, but only when I know that as soon as I get home I can take a nice hot shower.

2. My ethnic background is 95% German, 5% special ingredients. That’s probably why I have no sense of humor.

3. I have won the lottery several times, but never for more than $11.00.

4. No one is harder on myself than I am.

5. I’m an absolute trivia nut. I love being asked questions and knowing the answers.

6. I was born on Halloween. I think that’s one of the best holidays to be born on if you have to be born on a holiday.

7. A good conversation is invaluable to me. I will take a good conversation over anything.

8. I’ve been told that I have a very quick wit, to which I have no response.

9. It’s very hard to make me laugh out loud.

10. From 1st through 5th grade, I was the kid that always ruined the class picture.

11. When you look at pictures of my father when he was my age, we look exactly alike. It’s kind of creepy.

12. I carry a spare yo-yo string in my wallet instead of the traditional condom, because the chances of me breaking a yo-yo string are far greater than me needing a condom.

13. I’m kind of addicted to Chapstick.

14. I’m a huge sports fan and I support my favorite teams vehemently. Loyalty is very important to me.

15. I have ambitious dreams that I’m afraid to go after.

16. I love the fact that I have a little community of bloggers that I chat with and that they are all over the world.

17. I once got a call from my best friend at 1am. He needed me to pick him up from a bar. The bar was about an hour away. I picked him up and never once complained about having to drive so far, nor have I ever told him that he owed me for it. Best friends can’t incur that kind of debt. That’s just how I feel about it.

18. When I was in high school, my family had a local family reunion. I didn’t go because I didn’t feel like it. Some idiot there (now my uncle) let my sister get on a mo-ped. She crashed into a car, had a collapsed lung and spent three days in the hospital. It’s not my fault, but I’ve never forgiven myself for not being there to stop it.

19. I did a lot of hiking when I was high school. We used to blaze our own trails. If my parents only knew how many times I almost fell off a cliff…

20. One of my favorite things to do is take a drive down the coast and play music as loud as I can stand it.

21. I hate not being prepared for something.

22. I don’t like to drink. I’ve only been drunk twice in my life. It wasn’t worth it either time.

23. I’ve never tried any drugs.

24. My favorite football player of all time is Henry Ellard, but it’s very rare that I meet anyone that knows who he is.

25. I am fiercely competitive, but I’m not a sore loser. I can accept being beaten, what I can’t stand is when I make mistakes so that I beat myself.

26. The most exhilarating thing for me to do in any sport is to make a play knowing that the only reason I made it was because I was going flat out and holding nothing back. Like making a diving catch on a dead run in the outfield. Knowing that anything less than maximum effort would have resulted in failure… it gives me goose bumps.

27. I remember the first time I visited the Jersey Shore. I was shocked and amazed that you had to pay money just to walk on the beach. I still think it’s ridiculous.

28. I still like to watch cartoons.

29. I love gadgets, gizmos and toys… oh how I love toys.

30. I have a special suitcase for all my different yo-yos.

31. I have a strange obsession with the romantic idea of being a pirate or an outlaw. Not the reality of it, but the romanticized Hollywood version of it.

32. I will not kill bugs or spiders. If they are inside the house, I will simply relocate them outside. I think life is very precious, but I’m a hypocrite because I love meat.

33. Some say my biggest fault is that I’m too honest.

34. In my opinion, my greatest achievement to date is a short 10-minute film I made at college with my friend over a thanksgiving holiday weekend while we were both stuck on campus. I particularly like the credits, but you would have to see it to know what I’m talking about. Good luck with that. I don’t think blockbuster carries it anymore.

35. My dream car is a 1969 Dodge Charger R/T.

36. I’ve only seen my father cry twice, once when his mother died, and once when my sister got married.

37. One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t wash their hands after they use the restroom.

38. I have never broken a single bone in my body, at least not that I know of.

39. I practice some intense amateur chiropractic care. I don’t think there’s a joint on my body that I don’t pop on a regular basis. I have 3 or 4 techniques for almost every joint. It doesn’t surprise me that some people think it’s disturbing.

40. I can’t stand to be barefoot. Ever. Only when I’m in the shower, otherwise, I have to at least have socks on.

41. I have no problem at all putting together any kind of electronic equipment. It just naturally makes sense to me and I don’t know why.

42. I’m in love with the feeling of freefall. I desperately want to go skydiving.

43. When I used to deliver pizza, I never looked at a map. I knew where every street in our delivery area was. It scares me, but I think I might have been an amazing delivery driver. I really hope that’s not the one thing in the world that I was destined to be truly great at.

44. I enjoy turbulence when flying in a plane.

45. I have a hard time falling asleep at night because I can never seem to turn my mind off.

46. I don’t drink caffeine.

47. I have my degree in English, but I made it through 1 year of calculus and 2 years of physics in college.

48. I think I’m going to watch the movie “Drum Line” tonight, even though I’m positive it will be horrible. There is nothing cool about the marching band, and anyone who tries to say or do otherwise is living in a sad, delusional world.

49. I’m pro-choice, but very much against abortion.

50. I despise politics. No one really has the people’s welfare in mind. It’s corrupt, and I fear that if I were in their position, I might be corrupted too.

51. My favorite food is PB & J. Not because it’s the most delicious thing I’ve ever had, but because if I could eat only one thing for an extended period of time, that’s the only thing I wouldn’t get sick of.

52. I think that Calvin and Hobbes is hands down the greatest comic strip ever written.

53. I think Brian Regan is the funniest comedian I have ever heard.

54. I like the idea that there is someone out there for everyone, but I hate the fact that I haven’t found that someone yet.

55. I wear a Lance Armstrong “Live Strong” wristband because I have taken that bold stance against cancer. That’s right, I’m anti-cancer. I know it’s not a very popular point of view, but I just think cancer sucks. Also, I’ve been wearing it since long before it became popular and trendy. I wear the youth size, because I have dainty wrists.

56. Last year for Christmas, my sister got me this flashlight that you wear on your head, and I thought it was one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever gotten.

57. I don’t like making Christmas or Birthday lists because I want people to get me something that they think I will like. Making a list feels like I’m creating a checklist of items that I want, and that’s not what I think Christmas is about. I also go out of my way to find things for my friends and family that aren’t on their lists. I take much more joy in seeing the look of surprise and happiness on their faces than I do in receiving something anyway.

58. I “lost my faith” when I was in middle school, but didn’t have the guts to admit it until I went away to college. I think that most people don’t really know what faith is, they just do what they’re told. There are those that truly do have faith and I envy that.

59. I love watching movies. I’m kind of a movie whore. I’ll watch anything, chick flicks, action/adventure flicks, dramas, sci-fi, foreign films, (subtitles do not scare me) comedies, romantic comedies, kids movies, suspense and documentaries. Pretty much the only kind of movies I won’t watch is horror movies.

60. I turned 18 at the beginning of my senior year in HS and I didn’t miss one day of class. In 5+ years of college (when I transferred from my junior college to the 4 year, not all my credits came with me. That’s the disadvantage to leaving the state.) I think I missed a total of 4 days of classes. I hate not being there.

Intermission. Ok so what you guys wouldn’t know if I didn’t tell you is that for the last hour, I’ve been fighting with my computer. It doesn’t want to play nice. My video card on my main monitor died. That sucks. Do I have a back up? You bet I do, so I’m still rocking the dual monitors. Also, my wireless card seems to have acquired narcolepsy. It keeps going in and out intermittently. Why am I taking the time to tell you this? Well, these problems have made it almost impossible for me to finish this post AND watch Drum Line. I just wanted to give everyone the heads up so that tomorrow, I don’t walk into well over 100 questions about my thoughts on Drum Line. I’ll have to watch that terrible movie tomorrow night.

61. I hate dealing with computer problems. Fortunately, I can, so I’m not completely screwed when things don’t quite work like they should.

**I know why people start to pad their lists with commentary. That doesn’t mean I’m going to. Not yet anyway. **

62. For the most part, I type with the correct form. Except for maybe my pointer fingers, that’s kind of a gray area, basically, it’s whichever finger gets there first. I can type about 60 words per minute.

63. I have some of the worst handwriting known to man. Half the time, even I can’t read it. It’s a good thing I can type fast, that’s all I’m saying.

64. I am most definitely anti-war. But I support our troops wholeheartedly. A good army is an army that follows orders. The soldiers don’t order themselves around, there are elected officials that order them to do what they do. If you have a problem with what the army is doing, then you have no one to blame but yourself for electing the wrong people into office.

65. I recently had a realization that I watch a lot of TV. I keep pulling things out of my head that I didn’t even know where there. It’s both cool and scary.

67. My grandmother recently broke both of her legs when she tripped on a small step as she was walking down the isle to the altar so she could kneel down and pray for the less fortunate and the suffering. I don’t know what that means.

68. I often think about things way too much.

69. I am fascinated by pens. I can go inside a Staples or any office supply store and spend hours looking at all the different pens available. Currently, I’m using the F-402 by Zebra.

70. I don’t lose things very often and when I do, it drives me insane. I’ve had the above mentioned pen since 1998 if that’s any indication.

71. I like miniaturization. It doesn’t matter what it is. If it’s normally big and you can somehow make a tiny version of it, I’ll think it’s super cool.

72. I appreciate the fact that Seinfeld never took anything seriously. No sappy moments ever.

73. I think News Radio is one of the most underrated sit-coms of all time.

74. I often find myself using a deck of cards to make simple decisions, like where I want to go for lunch.

75. I think that there are so many excellent and valid reasons to dislike a person that resorting to the color of their skin shows a complete lack of creativity and ignorance.

76. I have self esteem issues and I know the exact moment in my life when it all started. But still I can’t seem to get around it.

77. When I had my wisdom teeth pulled, I missed half a day of work and I had them taken out on Monday afternoon. The worst part was not the teeth being pulled, but the fact that I had the surgery in the late afternoon and I wasn’t allowed to eat starting at midnight the night before.

78. I think I have a very high pain tolerance, but I’m the first to admit that I don’t think I’ve ever had to endure a lot of pain in the first place.

79. I often have dreams about getting shot. I don’t know what that’s all about.

80. I would like to go to a phrenologist, an acupuncturist and a palm reader at least once.

81. When I get stressed out, I develop a huge knot right underneath my left shoulder blade.

82. I played the trumpet in the marching band when I was in high school. I hated being in the band but I regret putting down the trumpet. It’s still my favorite instrument to listen to though.

83. The only thing I ever truly get a craving for is cinnamon graham crackers. I don’t know why that is.

84. I have no fear whatsoever of lions or tigers. I think if one attacked me and ripped my arm off, I’d be like, “It’s ok, he’s just playing.”

85. When I spend too much time writing, I start to punctuate the thoughts in my head. It’s completely unnecessary.

86. I think tanning salons are evil and that fake tans look horrible anyway.

87. I had a fantasy and fairytales class when I was in college and we had to apply 1 of 4 different critical analyses. I chose my least favorite, the sexual perspective, just because I wanted to write a paper entitled, “I say potato, you say penis. I say tomato, you say vagina.” The paper was crap and my teacher was right to give me a “C,” but deep down, I always thought the title alone should have put me in the “B+” range.

88. When I’m not feeling so happy, I think of the time I was waiting for one of my classes to start and I had my head down on the desk. I was wearing a beanie because it was cold outside. My friend came in and sat down next to me. She said hi. I said hello back. She was eating some Pringles. She took one of the chips, shoved it under my hat and smashed it. That was over 5 years ago, and to this day, every time I think about it, it brings a smile to my face.

89. I drove from Staten Island, NY all the way to Ventura, CA by myself without ever looking at a map. I made stops at my aunt’s house in Naperville, my great aunt’s house in Kansas City and the Bally’s in Las Vegas. I wish I had another reason to drive cross-country again. It was awesome.

90. In all my years of school, I’ve only had 2 real teachers.

91. I’m allergic to shellfish, dairy products and sulfa drugs. I have no idea what sulfa drugs are, I just know that when I see a doctor, I’m suppose to tell them that.

92. I’m absolutely positive I want to have kids. Unfortunately, it’s not entirely up to me.

93. I’m the last male in the family right now, it’s up to me if the family name continues on or not. It’s not looking so good right now.

94. I come off as much more pessimistic than I really am. Inside, hope springs eternal.

95. I love comments on my blog not because I like the numbers, I like the conversations I have with other people in the comments.

96. I like to learn, but I don’t like school, if that makes any sense.

97. I never pay to have my oil changed or my engine tuned up. It’s too easy to do it myself.

98. I haven’t paid for a haircut since my sophomore year in high school. Again, it’s just to easy to do it myself. I also don’t care at all what my hair looks like and I refuse to put any kind of “product” in it.

99. I’m having a hard time deciding right now whether I want to keep my motorcycle or sell it.

100. I think that if a band isn’t good live, then they probably don’t have that much talent.

Whew! Much like my viewing of “The English Patient,” I’ll never do that again. How did I ever let myself talk myself into doing this? I must be one persuasive SOB. As usual, I apologize to anyone that read all of that. Most of what I do here is uncalled for and even more so, unnecessary. That was also a little more serious than I’m used to being. It was all true though, I didn’t have to make any of it up. Maybe someday I’ll look back at this and be proud, but most likely I’ll get 1/3 of the way though it and pass out from a combination of exhaustion and boredom.

32 comments:

Jack Safety said...

i bet i could comment on each and ever one of those. im just that great.

Now: someone needs to suggest that i could NEVER do that, then i can be all "i can too" and then i can do it and thatll take up like a whole afternoon that would otherwise be spent cleaning out the fridge or somethin...

omar said...

Henry Ellard. I remember him from his Redskin days, but I'm guessing he was a Ram or Raider previously.

In what circumstances do you use that flashlight on the head thing?

Jon said...

Jack: Lets be realistic here, you can’t do that.

Omar: You got it. Ellard played for the Rams first, then the Redskins and briefly with the Patriots. He’s currently the wide receivers coach for the Rams, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they have one of the best receiving corps in the NFL.

And a better question would be under what circumstances do I NOT use that flashlight on the head thing? Not many, I’ll tell you that much. There are many instances when just a regular flashlight will do, but you’d be surprised how much easier it is to use the head one. Plus, you can never underestimate how much it makes me feel like a super spy or the worlds greatest cat burglar. I used to hot sync my palm pilot to my laptop vie the infra red port. It was about 100 times slower than the cable, but about 1 million times cooler.

Cate said...

Really great list! And I mean that.

THE LIST is everywhere now and I am totally feeling the pressure to do one of my own.

omar said...

No no no, the Rams have two of the better receivers in the game, that's why they're good. That's like saying the 49ers had good QB coaches in the 80's and 90's. NONSENSE.

And I'm with you on the pen thing. I can't rival your "same pen since '98" thing, but I find a pen, like it, use it until it runs out, refill it, repeat. One time, someone borrowed my pen to jot something down and forgot to give it back. I called to see if they had it, and drove a 30 minute round trip to go get it. Some say I have a problem. I say I like my pens.

Jon said...

Granted, Ike and Holt are amazingly talented, but every receiver on the team runs great routes, and I think that’s because of Henry. Still not convinced? Explain Az Hakim to me then... I know I’m kind of biased, but I don’t think there is a more talented duo in the NFL than Ike and Torry.

cadiz12 said...

jon, honestly. i won't even try to explain just how much you scare me.

Jack Safety said...

w... can too.

Jack Safety said...

what i can't do is make it worth reading

Jon said...

Cadiz: I was hoping I could really scare the bajesus out of someone. Thanks for making my dream a reality.

Jack: Can not.

Jon said...

Jack, you slipped that second comment in there while I was typing mine. Damn you’re crafty. Weird thing about these lists though, you don’t know if they’re worth reading or not, only other people can tell you that. And sometimes, you get really lucky and just scare the crap out of someone. I can’t promise that will happen for you, but like I said, sometimes you just get lucky.

Glo said...

Am feeling like absolutely amazingly good person for reading entire list. Not feel like much to you? It's important to point out, then, that when my 4-year old nephew and I start a project, it's me and not him who gets bored and knocks over the tower of blocks. At last clocking, my attention span was about 25 seconds - world's shortest, actually, but the Guinness application is so dull to fill out...

Cool list. #8 was a masterpiece (the others probably were, too, but I got to 8 at 22.5 seconds, so it's sticks out in the memory).

omar said...

Az Hakim was good as a Ram because he was the #3 guy. I can't name a lot of #2 or 3 receivers who can step into a #1 role and succeed (I can think of a couple failures right off the bat though: Peerless Price, Laveranues Coles, and it will happen to Plaxico Burress this coming year).

cadiz - that might be my second favorite comment ever, behind only the one on my site when you beatboxed.

Jon said...

I don’t know, I think Detroit has a good group of guys, Roy is going to be phenomenal, I love watching him play. So I think the fact that Az still didn’t pick it up last year is telling. Can’t argue with the rest of your comment though because it’s flawless. Too many guys sit behind true talent and don’t draw any real coverage, they think they’re awesome and they get some team to foolishly pay them for it. Plex is definitely up in that category. Hines is an elite receiver in my opinion, and he is up there with the Harrisons and Holts of the NFL. But my main point is, Henry Ellard is my favorite player of all time, so he can do no wrong. You’re probably right in that any other guy would look good at #3 behind Holt and Bruce because both of those guys demand double coverage, someone else has got to be open.

jazz said...

#29 i couldn't help reading in a sexual tone.

#84 makes you a bit strange.

and true to form, this was probably the lonest 100 things list i've ever seen. you're so damn verbose. there were all of 5 things on your list that didn't take up more than one line!

Jon said...

Jasmine, Please read the last line in that little blurb under my blog title. Nothing with me is ever sexual. And I think more than just #84 makes me weird.

Jack Safety said...

1. Me too.

2. No, its a chemical imbalance. Good guess though.

3. I've never played the lottery, but I won over $700 playing BlackJack in one of the Indian Casinos here.

4. Yeah, but Cher comes in at a close second.

5. I love asking questions that people don't know the answer to. Perhaps that says something about my personality?

6. Second only to being born on St. Patricks day. Imagine the 21st birthday party.

7. W... Even... Money!

8. I actually laughed out loud when I read this one

9. W... Not me apparently.

10. Way to go! It's good to have a certain amount of accomplishments you can be proud of.

11. My brother and my dad were the same way. I don't look like I'm related in any way...

12. I thought "...because the chances of me breaking a condom are far greater then me needing a yo-yo string." and I laughed.

13. I'm addicted to CARMEX.

14. I'm not a huge fan of anything... It sucks.

15. "I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear... And when it is gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear is gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

16. Yeah... I love you guys... *sniffle*

17. I KNOW!!! Unfortunately Casey doesn't feel that way. I guess thats why we aren't such good friends anymore...

18. Therapy? Thats what I did. Of course that was after my dad died, so I guess its not really the same.

19. I was gonna say something about how I found it difficult to belice that you were ever high school, but I love hiking too much. Oh and trail blazing is the best way to go as long as you have a compass or a GPS or something.

20. I don't have a coast or a car, so I just open up the door and play it as loud as I can from in here. It's pretty damn loud. Cops get called.

21. I hate you not being prepared for something. Slacker.

22. What about a light buzz?

23. Ditto. I've never wanted to. I got a lot of friends that use em though.

24. Well then I guess I'm not in the minority!

25. I'm the opposite. I'm in no way shape or form competitive, but I'm still a sore loser...

26. I really played sports. I can't relate! Alas...

27. That is fucking ridiculous.

28. I hope everyone does. Its good for the heart.

29. Again, I hope everyone does. Same reason.

30. Wow. Uh... Can ya do any tricks?

31. I have a strange obsession with lighting matches at completely inappropriate times.

32. Meat is damn good. I like hunting. I get a little weird about people that will eat meat killed by someone else but say it would be wrong to do it themselves.

33. I get that a lot... In fact I got a quote
"Truth is truth,
To the end of reckoning."
William Shakespeare

34. You could post it. Do it. DO IT. Oh god... I'm being controlling again aren't I?

35. My dream car is one that costs nothing to insure and gets 50 miles to the gallon.

36. About the only time I saw my dad cry was when he was on whatever it was they gave him to help him deal with the pain from the cancer. He was delusioinal and I had to tackle him to the ground to stop him from trying to drive. When he realised what was going on he just started bawling. It sucked.

37. Heh... I didn't really start doing that regularly till my last girlfriend... She fixed that real fast.

38. I broke my little toe once. On a coffee table. I think I'd rather be able to say that I've never broken anything. Terrible story. Terrible.

39. And annoying?

40. Ew... How do you manage that? I hate having my feet suffocating in socks and/or shoes.

41. Thats a great skill too. Use it. It can get you in with the ladies. Ok not really, but I like to dream.

42. Go for it, I hear that it is most excellent. Take a camera so we can see how it went.

43. Haha! Good lord no! You were clearly destined to be great at writing lists.

44. Yeah... But then again I've piloted on occasion, so I can remember the fun I had dealing with it myself.

45. I get like that too. They actually have a prescription medicine that is supposed to help your brain to STFU, but I've always avoided it.

46. Commendable.

47. I hated physics, but what little calc I took in HS was fun.

48. Haha! Thats what I told them all through HS, but did they believe me? No.

49. W... I'm the same way, but somehow I've never been able to explain it so simply.

50. Ya ever see... Uh... shit.
::makes a quick IMDB run::
Thats it! Primary Colors!

51. I've been sick of PB&J for years now. But not rolled tacos in homemade hot sauce.

52. I think its probably the greatest sydicated comic, but there are a couple webcomics that I would prefer over it.

53. Mitch Hedberg. Not to knock Regan, but Hedberg was fucking great.

54. Uh... Keep yer chin up?

55. Hehe... Dainty...

56. OMG DORK ALERT OMG OMG OMG WTF MAN...
I keed, I keed...
I've got one too, and its one of those ultrabright LED ones.

57. I'm terrible at gift shopping, so I just keep an eye out all year long. If I see something that matches someone I know, then I buy it and keep it till Christmas.

58. I had faith. Real faith. The kind of faith that church couldn't break. I owe my loss of faith to NOFX. One verse from one song.

The benevolent and wise are being thwarted, ostracized,
What a bummer
The world keeps getting dumber
Insensitivity is standard and faith is being fancied over reason

Yep...

59. Yeah.. Horror movies and what I'll just call hip-hop comedies... I was raised country and grew up punk. I've never really liked hip-hop and just don't get the humor I guess...

60. I missed so much HS that I had to go to a court ordered program for truancy.

61. I love it! It's what I'm good at. The problem is that when you help someone with there computer once you end up supporting them forever. Anything else that ever goes wrong is somehow linked to whatever you did to their PC. Even if it was a different PC.

62. I have no idea how fast I type, but i doubt its 60 wpm. My right hand is right there on asdf, but my left hand kinda hovers where it is about jkl;'.

63. I typed every bit of homework I ever did in HS after my freshmen year. My grades jumped accordingly. It funny how much better your grades get when the teachers can actually read what you've done.




f*ck. My ride is here. Now I gotta go. Uh... I'll post this now and finish later...

omar said...

Hm. I really didn't think he would do it.

And Cher is pretty hard on jon, I never understood it.

Jon said...

He got me too, I didn’t see that coming… A few questions though about your typing style (#62)… that sounds tricky and highly advanced. What kind of special schooling did you have to go to in order to learn that? It wasn’t taught anywhere that I went.

Cher is a constant thorn in my side… every time I think I’ve done something good, she’s right there to knock me back down. Damn you Cher…

Yeah, I know a trick or two with the yo-yo…

The short film, in it’s most condensed form, is still about 11 MB, which my bandwidth could not realistically support, and I doubt anyone wants to spend that much time downloading it. They would probably be disappointed anyways… but just to tease everyone a little, I am wearing my signature orange corduroy pants in it.

Hedberg was phenomenal, but (this is obviously a matter of taste, so I don’t ever expect you to agree with me) with Regan, I can watch the same thing over and over again and it’s always funny. That’s not true for about 99% of the comedians out there. There’s a very fine line between saying something that is funny and saying something funny… if that makes any sense.

cadiz12 said...

why thank you omar. the lack of response made me think it was lost on people. (supposed to be in the style of early mike d./beastie boys). i no longer feel the fool.

jon. now that i have partially regained my composure, i only have one question: why on god's green earth would you make BALLY'S your only stop in las vegas?

and no offense to your aunt, but naperville is an extremely sorry excuse for the chicago experience. you'll have to go back before you can continue to claim you've been there.

jack did not surprise me in the least.

cadiz12 said...

and sell the motorcycle.

(i never said i wasn't a hypocrite, but i thought i'd help you with the decision.)

girlspit said...

Kudos on #87. English professors can be so unappreciative of neat-o titles. I'd definitely give you a B+ for that and not even read the rest of it.

#81 disturbs me, but it must be some kind of physiological, lymph-related reaction.

Yay for lists.

A said...

Very interesting. Makes me think twice about making a list of my own cuz it would seem like I copied lots of your points. Mind if I link you?

Jon said...

Cadiz: Bally’s was the stop because I had friends staying there, and it was a free room. And given the fact that I had left Kansas City that morning and driven for 19 hours straight (remember the zone?), I was in no mood to hunt for another room and pay for it.

I get ready to sell the bike all the time, then I go look at it in person and I fall to pieces saying things like, “baby, I didn’t mean it, it was just a fool talking out of his ass. I could never sell you!” I’ll tear up a bit, we’ll embrace and all will be forgiven.

Girspit: So what can I do to get rid of this stupid knot?

A: Link away!! Also, please not the disclaimer on my blog, you can actually copy the whole damn thing and claim it as your own. I will also be forced to write a letter stating that I, in fact, copied it from you.

Jon said...

Damn it!! Why can’t I type?? A, please note the disclaimer, do not not it. This post was way too long, I’m sick of scrolling down for 20 minutes just to get to the comments. I’ll be posting again tonight just to get this junk off the top…

Glo said...

Promises, promises....And don't ever sell the bike. Ever.

Jack Safety said...

About the typing style: I didn't learn it at school, I'm just COMPLETELY INSANE.


64. All I can say is: Tru_Dat

65. Wait! What does pulling things out of your head have to do with TV? And yes, I'd imagine that would be both cool and scary. My dad used to pull quarters out of my ear. I really believed he was doing it too. Sneaky bastard.

66. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IS NONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

67. I'd imagine it means that not only does God exist, but that he is a suck fuck as well.

68. I often thing way too much about thinks. So there.

69. I'm that way about mechanical pencils. Not only that, but my current favorite happens to be a Zebra as well. It's the M-301. Its simple, but nice.

70. The only thing that I have lost for more then one day is my keys to this apartment. I still can't find em, but after the first two weeks I stopped taking apart the couches everyday.

71. Like that guy that rides the bike that has wheels the size of silver dollars?

72. I never watched Seinfeld...

73. ..but I loved News Radio. I also had a fucking panic attack when they stopped Sports Night. God I loved Sports Night. I just had to get a semi-fix from watching West Wing.

74. I use my d20.

75. Or their religion. F*cking biggots. Wait... Is it wrong to automatically hate all biggots as a group?

76. I've had em all my life. I just assume I can't get around em. It makes things simpler. Sort of.

77. I haven't had mine taken out yet. But I've had surgery... I had a nice rib dinner that ended at exactly midnight.

78. I can't stand pain. I'm a little girl about it. Unless its self inflicted. Then I can take almost anything.

79. lol. I get those too, but that because I dream in Counter Strike and other HL mods.

80. I've had acupuncture twice. I've also had a full colonic. Its fun. Trust me.

81. f*ck! I get that too, and I fucking hate it. Its damn impossible to get rid of or rub.

82. I played trombone. It made me happy.

83. Cuz they are fucking great?

84. Ah ha! I wanna video of that too.

85. I have to force myself to use contractions in casual writing. Fucking HS essays. I gotta be honest though. I love writing essays. I fucking loved it.

86. And a lot of real tans.

87. Yes, it should have.

88. I wear a beanie ALL THE TIME. Its a bright orange hunter's beanie. I even wear in the summer here in Phoenix.

89. The furthest I've gone is from here to central texas, but I did drive the whole 22 hours straight.

90. Yeah... I've had three I guess.

91. Sulfa Drugs!

92. I don't know if I want kids, but I know that if I do have them, they aren't coming from my gene pool. I've got too many genetic problems to be passing my DNA on.

93. W... Rape? No... I suppose thats not funny...

94. I hate that phrase.

95. But the numbers dont hurt, right?

96. It makes lots and lots of sense. I've ditched school only to spend most of the day watching The History Channel.

97. And brake fluid and stuff. I honestly don't know shit about cars, but I can change my fluids. I think its foolish not to learn.

98. I just keep mine long and under a hat, or short and under a hat.

99. Keep it. The gas milage alone makes it worth keeping.

100. And that is why I'm not such a big fan of weezer. I love em to death, but Rivers sounds like shit live.




Ha!
100!

now im gonna get some sleep.



hey thats kinda shitty. I originally had that link set up to open in a new window, but blogger wont let you use 'target' in comments.
oh well

A said...

Linked and 'noted' as in the past tense of 'note' and not 'not'. Thank for the clarification though jon, I was just ABOUT to not the disclaimer when I saw your second comment.

I'll give my list another shot maybe and then copy yours. I will include a letter on your behalf at the end of it or do you want to write the letter yourself?

Jon said...

No, by all means, go ahead and write that letter yourself. Go ahead and throw in whatever other accolades about yourself you might want me to say too. I’ll send you a copy of my signature and you can attach it whenever you want. Close call on the not’ing… a little too close, if you know what I mean.

geekdarling said...

wow. i love a man with dainty wrists...

JustJunebug said...

you had me at #20. i even just stopped reading. no need to even read any further. the 5 weeks i was in san luis obispo, were heaven to me. PCH, top down and LOUD LOUD music. heaven.

Syar said...

1 - me too
6 - so is my best friend!! i just had to say that
15 - sadly, me too.
28 - i don't see the logic in not watching cartoons. why give up all that joy?
31 - i would love to be a holywood version of a spy.
45 - again, me too!
48 - the only part I liked about the movie was the drums. i've always nursed a secret dream of being a band geek. but if i ever got a chance to fullfill that, i have a feeling i'd regret it.
54 - too true.
68 - i try to zone out sometimes because i'm frustrated at how much i think. sometimes i wish my brain would shut up.
70 - i keep stationery for vast amounts of time as well.
81 - does that hurt?

i liked this list. a lot. mad props! i don't know why I just said that.