It’s a fine line between being in a rut and being in a groove.

The sun was going down and the wind was blowing heavily back at me. I stood there on the edge of the bluff with a tempting view of the ocean and nice piece of caution in my right hand. In the blink of an eye I followed my natural instincts, reared back and threw that caution as hard as I could into the oncoming wind. The results have yet to be determined, but what I can tell you is that several things transpired in a very short period of time.

First of all, I dug into my closet and pulled out some equipment that had not seen the light of day in nearly a month. Within a matter of minutes, I had bedazzled every item of clothing in my wardrobe. I’ve always been fond of dolphins and rainbows; so I thought to myself, why not bedazzle some designs on every item of clothing that I own to show this great love affair I have with dolphins/rainbows. On a few of my nicer muumuus that I only wear on special occasions, I made some beautiful designs that incorporated dolphins swimming inside of rainbows. I can’t wait for my next formal dinner party to bust those suckers out. You might also think that my work with the bedazzler ended with my shirts, pants, socks and underwear, but you’d be wrong. I also bedazzled my shoes and hats as well. All in all, I think I added a good 40 lbs to every outfit that I own. Yes, that’s correct, I have “outfits.”

Once my work with the bedazzler was done, I felt like the creativity was just beginning to flow. I was in no mood to question my motives, so I immediately painted a life size mural of the A-Team on the living room wall. It featured Mr. T in the middle holding a suspicious looking glass of milk with Murdoch in the background putting on some pilots goggles, Hannibal lighting up a cigar on the right and Face on the left disposing of a syringe. If I could take a moment to be honest about my own work, it’s arguably the greatest single thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s just too bad that I’ll only be living here for another week. I’m pretty sure once the landlord sees it, she is going to demand to pay me cash money for it. It’s that good.

Now I felt like my creativity was at quarter strength. In my case, that’s really quite powerful and not something you should mess with unless you have some sort of degree in messing with the awesome power of my creativity. To my knowledge, no such degree exists, so my original point of not messing with me remains true. Having bedazzled my entire wardrobe and painted the greatest A-Team mural of all time, I took the next logical step. I made a movie.

I decided to do a period piece. I chose 2005 as my period. It seems like everyone is doing a period piece these days, but they tend to focus on either the past or the future. I took the road less traveled and went with the present. I wrote it, directed it, starred in it, performed the musical score for it and edited it, although, it was so amazingly brilliant that almost none of the movie made it to the cutting room floor. I walked it straight down to the theater myself and they immediately put it in every theater they had. Not surprisingly, the theater sold out within minutes. Every show was packed. Most of the movie consists of musical montages. A film device I am single handedly going to bring back into the forefront of American film making today. It’s an epic tale of good and evil, pitting the refrigerator against the oven. One is hot, one is cold, who will win? You’ll have to watch the movie to find that out. The critics described the film as, “Wildly entertaining!” and “Easily one of the afternoons top 100!” (by the way, has anyone else ever been able to use the phrase ‘wildly entertaining’ in a normal conversation? I’ve been trying unsuccessfully for the past 23 years. I’m pretty sure this is only an acceptable phrase in the world of movie critiques.) The crowd response was even more favorable. Several people demanded to pay again because they thought the movie was simply that good.

After that, I sat down and wrote the great American novel, which I have titled, “The New York Times Best Seller!” It’s suspense novel, with lots of international espionage, black market dealings, terrorist threats, a love story and a comedic hero. It’s based loosely on my life working as a government employee in the Dodgers minor league farm system back in the early 80’s. Enough time has passed for me to adequately tell the story and not offend any parties that were involved at the time. Also, the perspective I have gained on the situation as a whole with all the time that has passed allows me to give a more equal and unbiased account. It hits bookstores tomorrow, so go check it out.

Shortly after all of that, I mistakenly thought I still had some creativity left in me, so I wrote this post. Oh well, they can’t all be good, right?