Sunday, June 26, 2005

Judges, take note:

Well, it’s after 11 pm, and I’ll be moving everything I own tomorrow. Let me take a quick glance around the room… yup, not one single thing packed. Impressed? You should be.

As is my custom when I have anything even remotely important to do, I am now searching for literally any excuse not to do it. This is a special time, a time when it becomes absolutely necessary to clean all the dust out from between each individual key on my keyboard. I can’t possibly be expected to move my keyboard in this condition, can I? I’m not a dog. I have to maintain my civility somehow!

I also have an immediate need to work out some kinks in my golf swing. I may not have take a trip to the links in several months, but I’ll be damned if I’m not going to get that hitch out of my back swing. For God’s sake, it’s almost 11 pm on a Saturday night the day before I move everything I own, if there’s a better time to practice my swing, please tell me. And while you’re at it, find me a better time not to test all the random batteries I find lying around with my voltmeter.

I’ve also been meaning to take apart some various R/C cars I have lying around in my room. I’m sure you can understand that though, I mean, you should see them… just lying around in my room… they were just begging to be disassembled… That was of course followed by an impromptu jam/dance session involving me performing a 2 hour sing along to my favorite songs while feigning guitar with my tennis racket … it was spectacular. Not the least noteworthy thing about it was the fact that I was dancing. I must really be avoiding something if I’m willing to dance. I started off the show with my trademark rendition of the Jackson Five’s “ABC.” The show went all over the place, lots of different styles… at one point I went into a 15 minute drum solo… And I brought the show to a conclusion with my show-stopping version of Counting Crows’ “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby.” I think Adam would have been proud. I even made some dreadlocks out of some yarn I found. (ok, I didn’t just “find” the yarn, I knew it was there… I used to like to crochet stuff. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a totally acceptable form of masculine entertainment. Lots of guys do it.)

I think you know where this is heading… yup, I had to stage a complete recreation of every single battle in the Civil War using only Q-tips and Toothpicks… I didn’t know how it was going to turn out, but I filmed the whole thing in wide screen format and I’ve only seen a few of the dailies, but I think this could be epic. I’ve said that before, but I was just trying to hype things up those times, this time I really mean it.

Ok, it’s about midnight now, and I should really be going to bed because, well, I haven’t packed anything, so I’m going to have a lot of work to do tomorrow. Not much left to do but post this because posting this is a very important part of moving…

I’ve learned a few things about myself today. I had one thing to do all day. One simple, little thing. So far, I have done everything else I could think of but that one thing.

28 comments:

Adrian said...

I sure cant think of a better time to perfect your golf swing than at 23.00 the night before you move!

Its all about priorities.

cadiz12 said...

well, if you were able to overcome the hideous lasting effects from that accident at age seven to dance, it must be bad. you, my friend, are defying the bounds of normal procrastination. god help you, pal. and good luck with the move.

omar said...

Actually jon, I don't know any guys who crochet.

Good luck with the move. Enjoy the washing machine.

jazz said...

man. i do think that you should be crowned king to my queen of procrastination title.

Radioactive Jam said...

And yet you posted this *before* the move. Apparently you experience selective procrastination. Studies indicate this is a particularly heinous form of APS (activity postponement syndrome), often misdiagnosed as either circumstantially induced or - worse - simple laziness.

There's only one treatment with any documented effectiveness, too. Bummer, eh.

Just curious, have you gotten stuff like boxes, or were you "planning" to like, just clump stuff together with yarn? That's what I'd do; makes for easier unpacking.

Although I suspect unpacking isn't exactly a priority task, either.

Still, I wouldn't worry. Unless you're eating the chips, Cheetos crumbs etc. gleaned from your keyboard-cleaning. Then I'd worry.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Well, at least you sure had a lot of fun procrastinating. Golfing, dancing, 'growing' dreadlocks...wot else?

Ahhh, wot a day, wot a day!

Glo said...

Do you have me blocked on this blog? This is my 3rd attempt to comment. Seriously. You know that won't get rid of me. I'm like Herpes, the symptoms may go away, but the disease remains...

In case you were wondering, the other two were more appropriate and post-related.

omar said...

I don't think I've ever heard (read) someone claim to be like herpes before.

JustJunebug said...

i am going to be moving some time around the 10th of August. my normal OCD self would normally have been at least half packed to move by now. and yes i am serious.

i am throwing caution to the wind this time and am going to NOT pack at all till that day. of course it helps that i can make that decision based upon the fact that i am only moving across the way from my current apt. literally 50 feet away.

i still believe i am making some progress.

good luck on your move.

Glo said...

Unfortunately, "herpes" is currently the best word to describe me.

Glo said...

Honestly, people. Don't be afraid to comment. You can't get herpes from a computer screen (unless you're doing something very disturbing....)

christina said...

I kind of wish I had a voltmeter. I think I just like the word. Voltmeter is a good word. Just like "Mrs. Potter's Lullaby" is a good closer.

Also, I know some guys who started an exclusively male knitting club. Totally normal.

Jon said...

First, let me apologize for my lengthy absence. I have much less time in the day than I would like. I foolishly thought I only needed 22 hours a day, so I gave the extra 2 away to the less fortunate. I should feel good about this, but I don’t, rather, all I want to do is beat up the less fortunate and get my damn time back. For that, and many many other things, I am going to hell. On to the comments….

Adrian: That’s because there is no better time my friend. No one has ever questioned my priorities. Well, maybe my parents, teachers, advisors, supervisors and a few of my friends, but not many others.

Cadiz: You’d think that wouldn’t you, but right after the performance ended I went into a severe state of shock and it took three adrenaline shots to the chest just to get me going again, so don’t expect to ever see that again. And bounds will be defied, oh yes, they will be defied!

Omar: Weird, I wonder what kind of guys you hang out with.

PS, I’ve only been home one day and the washing machines already been used twice.

Jasmine: Together we will rule the Procrastination Kingdom. Should we adopt some princes and princesses?

R.J.: I prefer to think of this as a honed skill, not a disease. And this post was entirely unplanned, therefore it becomes part of procrastinating and not something else to be procrastinated about.

I used the tried and true method of Garbage bags to accomplish my goal. You know what they say, one mans garbage bag is another mans suitcase.

Yeah, I’m not eating that crap (which there is very little of, I run a tight ship) between the keys. So no need to worry.

G.G.: Fun indeed. Some might also call it work, but it was still fun nonetheless.

G-Lo: I do not have you blocked. When I asked blogger about it, I was politely told that it is impossible to block someone, no matter how much I want to. ;)

You should really have that herpes thing checked out. I’ve heard bad things about it.

Omar: That was a first for me too. Usually people try to go with something a little nicer than a viral infection.

Justjunebug: Man, you work in title an you’re OCD? I have great pity for you. Way to buck the system though. I’ll tell you what, they say moving is one of the top 5 most stressful things, well, not if you just don’t think about it.

G-Lo: Really? That’s the best word? I have to think there’s some other medical malady that better describes you.

And I have no idea how amazingly disturbing that would have to be in order for you to contract herpes from your computer screen… (shudder…) absolutely filthy…

Christina: Voltmeters are fantastic. People sometimes make fun, then they have a battery that they aren’t so sure about and where do you think they bring it? Mmmm hmmm.

I crochet, I don’t knit though. And I like to think that there is a significant difference between the two. A giant chasm really… if you think about…

--

Whew! It’s hard work playing catch up!

cadiz12 said...

there is a giant chasm. but not as big as the one between the yarn-twirlers and the scrapbookers.

sorry, jon, but before you go picking out crowns, let me remind you of the title of this post. there is still a competition going on..

that warning aside, i think my standing at the very least entitles me to a spot in line for the throne -- waiting till someone dies. i'd say putting off the reign is pretty appropriate, considering the nature of the title.

cadiz12 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
datura547 said...

I'm so looking forward to crocheting with you when you're in NY! I've got some fabulous new yarn; you're gonna die!

Sara ;o)

omar said...

(This is really a response to your comment on Jasmine's blog, but I didn't think it was appropriate to hijack her comments to talk sports.)

A DODGER fan? That's too bad. I guess it was to be expected. I grew up a Giants fan. I have lost touch over the past few years (mainly because people think I like the Giants for Barry Bonds, when I actually started liking them for Will Clark), and because the only time we get Giants games on the east coast are when Barry's going to break some kind of record or when they're in the postseason. Neither is happening this year.

Jon said...

Sara: I really can’t wait… this week isn’t going by fast enough!

Omar: I think Dodgers/Giants is one of the best rivalries in sports that no one really talks about. You should know though, that while I hate the Giants, I maintain a respect for Giants fans to support their team as much as I support mine. I’m not going to fight anyone about it. It’s all in good fun. I’ll also say this, I was there opening day at Dodger Stadium when they played the Giants, and the fans at Dodger stadium have gotten a bit unruly. I don’t like it. I think you shouldn’t have to worry about bringing your kids to the game because a fight is going to break out. That’s no what being a fan is all about. It makes me sad.

Also, my biggest problem with Barry is that ridiculous body armor he is allowed to wear when no one else is allowed too. Sheff gets pretty close, but them getting grandfathered in to the new rules is just retarded. Free agency makes it hard too, there’s several giants that I don’t have a problem with, like Snow, Grissom, Alfonso, and we have Kent now, but I never hated him. The Giant I hate the most is Tucker… did you see when he wanted to fight Gagne awhile back? The smile on Gagne’s face as he dropped his glove and walked towards home plate was priceless. Anyway… I love sports…

Glo said...

Really? You like sports? Sheesh. How did I miss that? I must be, like totally clueless or something...

And I am officially declaring myself the plague on your blog. I have friends much higher in bloggerdom who have guaranteed me unlimited access to these comments. They even sent a fruit basket to apologize for my lost, fabulous, post-related comments.

Radioactive Jam said...

Mmmm, fruit...

cadiz12 said...

where are you hiding, jon? still sorting through all the garbage bags?

omar said...

Yeah jon, moving is no excuse for depriving us of your commenting/posting. Mainly commenting. Quit letting real life get in the way.

Jack Safety said...

haha... that soooo sounds like me...

also:
ive left blogger for the much more entertaining anarchy of myspace.com

its freakin sweet

lots of underage girls trying to hook up with me

thats not dangerous at all

especially for someone with my self-control

oh my it will be great

viva la myspace

I apologise in advance for the color scheme

...cya later?

Jack Safety said...

n... not that there is anything with blogger!

just felt that i should point that out...

right.

Glo said...

yeah, jon. Quit letting real life get in the way of commenting. Sheesh. How inconsiderate of you.

THEonlyGOALIE said...

You sound like me. I will do anything to avoid doing what I really should be doing. I will do anything short of actually sleeping that is.

Guyana-Gyal said...

You've moved now, right? Or you're still...

Jon said...

Again, I apologize for my seeming neglect. It is not my intention, it's just the way things have played out this past week and a half or so. I try not to let reality influence me too much, but sometimes, I crack under the pressure and actually do my job. There are no words to describe just how sorry I am about that.

So, theonlygoalie, welcome! Yeah, no sleeping for me either, I have to stay awake and think of all the other things to do before I get to the thing I'm desperately trying to avoid. And we are a lot more alike than you know. I haven't really mentioned it before, but when I was younger, I was also the goalie for a girls soccer team. I won't get into the legality of it all and how I was able to play on the girls team in spite of the fact that I was obviously a man (ok, maybe it wasn't that obvious). At the time, I was just a shade under 3 feet tall (it wasn't until the summer between my junior and senior year in HS that I grew an extra 2 1/2 feet) but I had a 79 inch vertical, so I covered the net better than you might think. I think one game I held the opposition to only 8 goals. Not bad considering I usually gave up 24-68 goals a game..

G.G.: Well, I'm kind of moved... all my stuff is in boxes and trash bags at my parents house while I am all the way across the country in New York. Eventually things will return to a state of normalcy and I'll be inflating my own comments well above the 70 mark again. In the mean time, uh... wait? Please? I promise it'll be kind of worth it... you know, if you're into that sort of thing...