Friday, August 03, 2007

Beard Update

I’m currently suffering from some severe beard separation anxiety. Nearly every vote in the great beard debate of 2007 (that’s what we’re calling it around here anyway) said that I should keep the beard. Obviously, this meant that my first inclination was to shave it off. I find myself unable to actually lift the razor to my face.


I appreciate your thoughts and prayers as I struggle through this most difficult time.

8 comments:

Carrot Jello said...

I'd hug you, but I'm married, so I'll just awkwardly pat you on the back during your...struggle.

omar said...

How about using some clippers and just trimming it down? It might help the transition...

Radioactive Jam said...

Shave one side. That way you can look at your profile in the mirror (tricky but doable) and pretend it's not gone, then take a quick peek at the flip side. Get used to seeing your beardless face in small doses.

A tried and proven technique.

Syar said...

Why shave it off when we say keep it? Do you not *trust* us to make your beard-maintenance decisions? Where's all this airquotes implicit internet trust, huh? All this waiting around for the legal team and their aunts and the release and the official statement is making me antsy!

P.S : I'm partially kidding about the paranoia. Take your time, I'm obviously not as attached to the beard as you are. I'm just interested in all photographic evidence.

Nadia said...

"I find myself unable to actually lift the razor to my face."

You could always bring your face to the razor and pretend that instead of sharp, cold metal, it's really a soft, warm puppy you're rubbing your face against. As long as you remember to control your enthusiasm, and harbor no particular attachment to the outer layer of your skin, it should be fine.

Or, might I suggest having a loved one* handle the beard removal as you lie sleeping/unconscious?

*However, if the shaver's affection for you is of no consequence, I hereby volunteer myself. Although I have been known to spasm uncontrollably when handling sharp objects, I am also not in the least squeamish, which I assure you makes cleaning up the blood afterwards a breeze. You will, unfortunately, have to provide your own bucket.

cadiz12 said...

nadia, you just made me spit out my drink and forget my comment.

Nadia said...

Cadiz, that is EXACTLY why I cannot overstress the importance of providing your own bucket.

Jon said...

CJ: I didn't realize hugging was adulterous, but I have the utmost respect for the sanctity of marriage, and I certainly wouldn't want my girlfriend to get the wrong idea, so let's just keep it nice and awkward.

Omar: It's like you read my mind... or dug through my trash and looked at my receipts...

Jam: This idea has merit, but just to be sure I can do it, I'm going to try it out on the cat first.

Syar: It is my nature to go the exact opposite of the crowd. Nothing personal.

Nadia: I love animals, however, I am allergic to most of them, so this idea, while extremely well thought out, would not work in my case. I'd still need the bucket, but for other, less appealing reasons. (Yes, less appealing that being filled with my own blood.)

Nice to know that you're not squeamish though, because any photos of my beardless face may be harmful to most.

Cadiz: What exactly caused the spitting out of the drink? I'm just curious...

Nadia to Cadiz: Nadia makes a good point.

Everyone concerned: These last couple days have been very trying, but I will try to have a more complete update in a day or two.