Thursday, August 23, 2007

Blame it on L.J.

People keep asking me what my plans are now that I don’t have a job anymore. I didn’t realize that getting laid off meant that I had to formulate a plan. I never would have agreed to it if I knew that was coming. Being unemployed is a lot more work that I thought it would be.

What I find most annoying about all the questions regarding my plans now that I don’t have a job is the fact that they are asked with the utmost sincerity. Why would that bother me you ask? Isn’t it obvious? Don’t you know what time of year it is? It’s late August!!!

I have 3 fantasy football leagues that I’m in. If you don’t think preparing for 3 separate drafts, all held within a week of each other is hard work, then you don’t know anything about fantasy football or the amount of work it takes to put together a draft package. Research, research, research!! That’s how these things are won and lost. I can’t go into a draft thinking I’m going to take Joey Harrington #1 overall. I might as well draft Elroy Hirsch as my starting running back. There is a tremendous amount of prep work that goes into these things. Not to mention the laundry!! 3 drafts, 1 pair of lucky underwear. You do the math.

According to a survey I just paid a third grader to conduct, nearly 117% of all Americans play fantasy football. The numbers don’t lie. That’s why I don’t need to hear any more questions about, “What my plan is?” or, “Why haven’t I showered in 3 days?” or, “Where did your chicken sandwich go?”

These questions not only waste your time, but they take time away from my busy prep schedule. One of these leagues is a keeper league damn it! If I don’t know what made a guy sick during his third week of practice his freshman year in college, how the hell am I supposed to know if he can handle the pressure of a 4th and goal on the 2 yard line, down by 4 with 3 seconds left on the clock??

And if that wasn’t enough, my fantasy baseball team is powering its way to the playoffs. I’ve got to win this week to clinch a spot, so it’s been cutting into my already over-booked fantasy football prep schedule. Then, for reason’s only god knows, I had the misfortune of listening to the Angels/Red Sox game the other day. I’m not really an American League fan, and certainly not an Angel’s fan, so I don’t often listen to those broadcasts, but I had some time to kill before the Dodger game started. ----At this point in time, if there are any small children in the room listening to you read my post out loud, I suggest that you put them in a back room with their favorite stuffed animal and maybe play some music loud enough to mask them from hearing the next sentence---- The Angel’s announcers, who might be two of the biggest homers I’ve ever listened to, insisted on referring to Manny Ramirez by what they claimed was his nickname, “Man-Ram.” Seriously?? Man-Ram??? I’ve never heard that before, and if anyone ever asks me if I have, I’m going to deny it vehemently. I may go so far as to say that I don’t even know what baseball is if they insist on telling me that “Man-Ram” is his god-given nickname. It is not and I will fight the grandmother of anyone that says it is.

Needless to say, that whole “Man-Ram” thing had me contemplating the existence of aliens inhabiting the bodies of broadcasters all over the world. I lost a whole day of prep work on that one.

Don’t worry though, once we get past all of the football drafts, the baseball playoffs, the NBA fantasy drafts and my 30th birthday, I’ll be back to my regular 1-2 posts a month schedule and we can all feel normal again.


cadiz12 said...

Maybe it's an Espanol thing? when I was in Spain, the lady I stayed with had a neighbor named Juan Manuel, and I'd always hear his mother yell, "Jua-Ma, HUA-MAAAA!!!" all the time. Then later, someone started calling my friend Jose Luis "Ho-el." I'm not sure I understand all that, either.

man, sounds like you've got a lot going on. i think i'm going to have to start knitting socks again so i can feel like i'm keepin gup with the productivity.

Lia said...

Wow! You are indeed working hard. And such important work, too. Good luck with those drafts.

Why so much laundry, if you haven't showered in three days?

Radioactive Jam said...

*scratches Elroy Hirsch off list*

Anonymous said...


omar said...

I noted that the third grader determined that NEARLY 117% of Americans... Most people would use "nearly" in reference to numbers divisible by 10. Maybe even 5. The fact that he/she used "nearly" with such a seemingly odd number indicates that he/she must have some pretty precise data. Given that, I have no choice but to believe his/her findings.

And also, if you draft a kicker before the last round (depending on how many people are in your league), I can't be your blog friend anymore.

Jon said...

Cadiz: Maybe... if the announcers were from Spain, but they were not. Of course, these are also the kind of guys who say things like, "When you're a contact hitter, you have to make contact when you step to the plate."

Also, FACT: The only thing that matches the productivity of preparing for a fantasy football draft is knitting socks.

Who knew?

Lia: It's world saving kind of work. But I feel that you have skimmed this post, otherwise, you would know why so much laundry is required.

Jam: You're better off that way. While you're at it, go ahead and scratch off A-Rod. He doesn't even play football.

Anonymous: You have no priorities.

Omar: Third graders are notoriously thorough in their studies, and we here at the SNJ don't mess around when it comes to paying other people to do our studies.

There are 12 teams in the league, we start 1 QB, 2RB, 2WR, 1TE, 1WR/RB (it's a flex spot), 1K and 1 Defense.

We had 15 rounds, so 6 bench spots. I drafted my Kicker in the 11th round, so I had filled out my other 8 starters, and drafted a couple of back ups already. At the time when I drafted him, there were no other back ups in the league that I wanted, so I figured I would get the kicker that I wanted. After that, I was drafting backups to backups, so we'll see how it turns out. I had the #3 pick overall. In my next draft, I have the #2 pick. No word yet if that's a good thing or not.