Sunday, August 26, 2007

Bonus Weekend Post!!

One of the things I’m proud of at the SNJ, is the complete and total lack of fence jockeying that goes on around here. Sides are chosen, opinions are made and stood by, nobody teeters on an issue. It’s a place where black and white don’t feel each other out and see if they want to take it to the next level. No, they stay firmly entrenched on their own sides, staring back at one another, never even considering a possible move to the other side.

I wouldn’t even bother to tell you any of this if I couldn’t back it up with a pie chart. It’s common knowledge that a pie chart, when used properly, can settle virtually any argument. A lot of people have a lot of theories on how exactly the cold war ended. I happened to know the truth. I happened to know that there was a pie chart involved.

Below you’ll find all the evidence you could have ever asked for, and several dozen pieces of evidence that you never even considered asking, but that’s mostly because you fell asleep during most of your classes at the academy. How do I know? If you’d seen half the pie charts I’ve seen, you wouldn’t even bother to ask that question. Let’s go ahead and move past that ridiculous argument I just made that didn’t really answer any questions and check out the pie chart below.

As you can see, there’s really no middle ground here at the SNJ. You either scream out in horror and click away, or you brew a fresh pot of coffee and get comfortable for awhile because you’re not going anywhere.

Look, I know my posts are long, but are they really that long? I don’t think it even takes me a whole hour to write them, so it couldn’t possibly take you a whole hour to read them. There’s not that many layers, trust me. Will somebody please compile a pie chart to help me understand this? Then, if you’re successful in that endeavor, would you also compile a pie chart explaining why it’s imperative that other people give me money?


omar said...

I usually like to take water breaks in between sentences when I read your posts, and bathroom breaks between paragraphs. Then sometimes, when I'm up going to the bathroom, I'll decide that I need a snack. So I'll run to the kitchen, rummage through the cabinets, and conclude that there's nothing I want. It's at this point when I usually weigh the pros and cons of driving up to Tim Hortons for some sort of pastry snack. But money's tight, so I have to first go online and check my bank balance. I'll realize that I have enough money, and I'll start to get ready to go. I'll swing over to Hortons only to realize that they don't have the mini caramel crumb cakes out, so I have to look through all the other options to decide what I want. I'll get something, come back home, eat it, grab a drink to wash it down, then come back and keep reading.

If your post has 7 paragraphs, this could mean anywhere from 14 to 50 water breaks, 7 bathroom breaks, and 2 or 3 trips to Hortons, so I'm sure you can see how my visits to SNJ might last a long time.

And I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this.

Syar said...

What I do, personally is click on your blog link and kind of leave it for a bit, to go check out other blogs. This is by no means, a sign of disrespect, but a sign of reverence. Like I need time for my psyche to re-adjust before I lay eyes on your orange wonder of a blog. Then I start reading. First, I've got to check out the new comment tags. Then, I've got to check out the previous post's comments and see if you've enlightened us with any more of your wit, and if you didn't, if Omar stepped it up and beat you to it. Sometimes, I even re-read the previous post, just to re-absorb it's essence. Then I read the new post, which may take anywhere from an actual hour, or a reading feat lasting several days as I ponder each and everyone of your finely crafted words.

Then there are the pictures to analyze. Dsuring this point, some accidents may happen to me which may cause some delay. Like write now, just as I was about to comment on your fine pie chart, I've discovered I have a cut on my right hand. How did this happen?? I do not remember any sharp objects or doing harm unto myself. Only at your blog, my friend, only at your blog.

Then of course, time has to be put aside for me to roll on the floor and laugh, otherwise known as ROFL-ing. I justs did it for your beard pictures. Hi-la-rious!

Then more time to type out long, inane comments which you will inevitably have to spend the better part of an hour or more reading.

Never have I encountered such a refined process of blog reading than I have at SNJ.

*sucks on bleeding cut* Now I'm off to get a band aid. I'll leave the window open to pump up your numbers.

cadiz12 said...

i usually takes me an hour to figure out that the comments are at the top.

Syar said...

Haha, me too Cadiz. Me too.


Jon said...

Omar: I feel better knowing that at the very least, dehydration is not a side effect of reading this blog. Thank you for that.

Syar: You live on the edge... re-reading... today's youth... very strange. Appreciated, but strange. Not unlike the SNJ though, I suppose.

Cadiz: I don't believe that for one second. You're much to intelligent for that. You have Jasmine to thank for that feature though. It was done at her request. I've kept it because I think it makes me a little unique. Perhaps you can relate to that?

Syar: I don't believe you either. You're a shoe in for Valedictorian of the inaugural, Shuck N Jive Institute, graduating class of 2016. No one that well versed in the SNJ ways would make that kind of a mistake.

cadiz12 said...

you got me. but it does throw me for a loop every time, even though it's been that way for a very long time.

Syar said...

Woo hoo Valedictorian! Even my own college wouldn't give me that honour, and I cried blood for that place.

Ok, maybe I just sweated a little and cursed a lot, but still, I am worthy!

Yeah, I lied about the comments link too. But I always miss it.