Frustration

Dear Diary,

It's been awhile, but there are a few things I'd like to get off my chest...

I'm closing in on day 15 without any of my stuff. I was told by the shipping company that it would take about 4 days to ship all of my stuff across the country to my new residence here in Chicago. I dropped it off a full week before my flight out so that it would all be here when I arrived. After a few mixups, it was supposed to go out a days before my flight. No big deal I thought, I can go a few days without my stuff. The day before it was supposed to arrive, I called to get a tracking number. I'm not going to lie to you diary, I was really excited to get my stuff. I have a Wii now... oh, I didn't tell you? Yeah, I have a Wii.

Anyway, I'm really into Guitar Hero these days, but I wanted to consolidate my stuff, so I sold my PS2, then bought GH for the Wii. Yeah, I lost my whole career and all my accomplishments because they were done on the PS2, but that was ok because it was just another excuse to play the game a lot. Also, I'm trying to get my girlfriend addicted so that we can both spend nearly every free moment playing that wonderful game.

When I called to get the tracking number, I was informed by the shipping company that my stuff hadn't even left the building yet! I was pretty upset... mostly because I miss the Wii. But I also have my computers and some other cool stuff that I like a lot. I mean, I really like my stuff. That's why I paid a crap load of money to have it shipped here!

After a series of phone calls, my stuff was supposedly shipped. A day later, the receiving company here in Chicago called me to schedule an appointment to drop off my stuff. I got excited again. They said they would bring it on Monday, March 31st between 10am and 3pm. That was a pretty big window, but hey, it's my stuff and I want. Pretty bad really.

This is why I'm writing to you now diary. I sat there and waited all day... Nothing. They didn't call. I called them and left several messages. No reply. I miss my stuff!! I miss my Wii... I'm really starting to miss my computer. My laptop here doesn't even have spider solitaire!!

Sometimes, I just can't help but wonder, what if I had just bought a Big Red Wagon and just pulled my stuff here... It would have been faster and a lot cheaper.

OK diary, I know you're pretty busy these days, so I'll let you go now. Thanks for letting me vent. Maybe when this is all over, you and I will laugh about it, but right now, I just want to knock out a few rounds on Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2008 and then gold star a song or two on medium, but I can't. Later...

Leap this post

It’s February 29, 2008. I think we all know what that means. Today is the day we celebrate leap year by looking at pictures of my sister’s kittens. It’s a Shuck N Jive tradition that goes back as far as the beginning of this post.

I feel a strong need to protect the anonymity of these kittens because they would not sign a release waiver allowing me to use their images and likenesses in any Shuck N Jive promotions, so I won’t be using their actual names. But for the sake of my readers, we will be addressing the dark one as E, and the lighter one as O.

There are a few things you should know about these two up front. First, O and E are brother and sister, and from what I can tell, O seems to be in charge. Neither of them ever tires. I think they only fall asleep occasionally out of boredom.

Without further ado, I present to you O and E.

As you can see from this first picture, O is enjoying a nice piece of cake. I don’t know what the rules are on feeding kittens cake, but I can assure you they didn’t die, so that could probably be listed under the “Pro’s” section of feeding kittens cake. What you might not be able to tell from this picture is that O is not only eating the cake, he is also growling at E. She has gotten too close to the cake for O’s liking. Not close enough for him to stop eating, but close enough for him to be audibly annoyed. E has the look of a starving orphan on her face, but O has a heart of stone. In the end, E got a few bites of the cake, and I think it greatly upset O. As you’ll see in the next photo, O has a long way to go in his maturity.

This was taken shortly after the cake eating had finished. E was minding her own business and primarily focusing on digesting the cake. O, still quite irked by the fact that he had to give up a few bites of his cake, set about his revenge. In this photo, he is in the midst of tying E’s tail around her back two legs. Sure, it seems like an innocent prank, but E was hopping around tied up like that for almost an hour. We couldn’t help her because with all the fur, we couldn’t tell how exactly to pull the knot apart. O has apparently been spending a lot of time online learning how to tie some extremely complex tail knots. I have to give him credit for that. He doesn’t do anything half way.

Once E finally got her back legs untied, she was pretty worked up and decided to take her aggression out on O. They battled for what seemed like an eternity, neither one willing to back down. Has anyone seen the movie Beowulf? It was just like that, only with kittens and no CG and a much more compelling storyline. The fight ended rather abruptly.

As you can see in this picture, right at the height of their fight, they both landed a knockout blow, simultaneously knocking each other out and ending the fight. They both lay there unconscious for nearly three days. When they woke up, they both went to the bathroom because seriously, it had been three days. After that, they just left each other alone. I think O has a newfound respect for E. He’s leaving her alone and he’s moved on to bugging anyone that wants to use the laptop.
In contrast to my sister’s kittens, this is one of the cats I live with.

This is Spencer, and he simply doesn’t give a crap about anything, but I think that’s pretty obvious.

Well, another leap year, come and gone. I hope you enjoyed looking at photos of my sister’s kittens. See you next leap year (a.k.a., my next post)!

Beefy Lost

Before I begin, I just want to let everyone know that there are no spoilers located within this post. At least not that I am aware of. I realize that ABC gave us some pretty short notice, so I’m sure there’s a lot of Lost fans out there that forgot the show was even on tonight. After all, it’s been what, just shy of a decade since the last episode was aired? Something like that. But if we’re being brutally honest with ourselves, when has Lost ever answered a question without raising at least fifty more? So even if I do slip up and spoil something, I’m sure there are about a thousand other questions ready and willing to fill the new void.

I’m really not here to talk about the many beefs I have with Lost. No, that should be broken up into a weeklong rant consisting of anywhere from two to 14 paragraphs posted on an hourly basis. Instead, I’d like to focus on just one of those beefs. As a smattering of you probably know, the season premier was tonight (or last night, or last week, or three months ago depending on when you get around to reading this.). Because of the inconsistencies in the broadcast schedule for this show, ABC has attempted to help us get back into the grove by airing last season’s finale last night, as well as a one-hour special in front of tonight’s premier, detailing the story up to this point. Basically, we’ve been given two hours of old story to help us prepare for the new one hour.

I’m ok with all of this so far. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve pretty much forgotten everything that has happened up to this point. My mind can only juggle so many unanswered questions for so long. 37 months seems to be my limit. Two hours of recap was just about enough to remind me why I love the show AND why I loathe the show.

This is where things get ugly. This is where my beef comes into play. I’ve just been watching an hour of recap. I’ve been watching that little counter on the bottom right hand corner of the screen count down the last few minutes before the premier of the new season. Prior to this moment, I’ve been entirely unenthusiastic about the premier because I’ve been fooled by this show too many times (remember when we thought Jin was going to speak English? Yeah, I lit my pillow on fire and put it out with a combination of my tears and screams after that one.), but for a brief second, during the commercial break between the recap and the premier, I started to get a little excited. Then the premier started and the first three words I heard were, “Previously, on Lost…”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! You are seriously going to waste more of my time telling me what has already happened? I waited for THIS??? I just watched a whole hour telling me about “previously on Lost.” No more time need be wasted on this! I’ve had enough time since last season to watch every episode with commentary, without commentary, once with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon playing in the background and once with an old German guy that, oddly enough, only speaks broken French. I don’t need any more recap! And if there’s anyone just tuning into the show for the very first time, they don’t deserve to know what has happened previously. They haven’t suffered like the rest of us. In fact, they will probably have much fewer questions than those of us that do watch the show. They’re already winners like that!

It took awhile for the tears to dry, so I missed some of the opening. I recorded the show, and I’ve tried to watch the beginning 3 times already, but the tears just keep coming back. It’s an open wound right now, I need to let it scab over first, then maybe I’ll find out all the answers. Right? They answer everything right at the top of the show, right? Right?

Happy New Year... hope you can hear

I've been told that what you do on New Year's day is important because it is a microcosm of what you will be doing for the entire year. I'm really hoping this isn't true.

I'll be the first to admit that I've become spoiled by having full use of all of my senses. None of the senses should be taken for granted. Image Union made sure that I appreciate my sight. Today, I flew home from visiting my girlfriend. I got sick on New Year's Eve. When we were descending down into LAX, my ears decided to forgo the usual pressure equalization process. I can't say that I agree with their decision.

The only thing more surprising to me than the loss of my ability to hear was the fact that when we landed, neither of the people sitting to my left and right were covered in blood. I was pretty sure that violent streams of blood were shooting out of my ears during the decent, but apparently the intense pain I was feeling was a bit misleading.

I'm sure this condition is irreversible, so I'm going to go practice my sign language and lip reading. I'll be honest, I'm hoping that I'm a natural at lip reading because I don't think any of my friends know sign language, save for a few vulgar phrases that I don't think will help clarify any questions I may have for them.

Blame it on the rain

I was out doing some Christmas shopping the other day. It was raining. No, not the sunshine and smiles that usually fall down upon us here in Southern California, but actual drops of water. It was a long day filled with a lot of road rage because everyone kept thinking that the guy in front of them was incessantly washing his windshield. But we got through it. We’re Californians. We’re tough.

California toughness aside, I saw something that changed my definition of sad. As I mentioned, I was out doing some Christmas shopping. This led me to a strip mall near my home. As I trolled through the parking lot to find an empty space, I came across a very sobering scene. It was cold, it was raining and it was around 2 pm. There, next to the vitamin shop, in a small, red and white-stripped tent, for that day only, was a mobile petting zoo.

First of all, a strip mall next to a vitamin shop? What kind of research did they do before opening up this mobile petting zoo business? Maybe I’m not familiar with today’s petting zoo marketing techniques, but I’d think your target audience would be small children with an overwhelming desire to touch things. I’m not sure a vitamin shop is going to provide you with that kind of clientele. Of course, perhaps I’m reading this all wrong. Perhaps it is the vitamin shop employing the petting zoo. Perhaps they think that passers by will feel a great need to stock up on any and all vitamins after having had such a close brush with all those hairy beasts.

My point is this. As hard as it may be for some of you to comprehend, there were no patrons at this petting zoo. And seeing a lone man, standing under a tent in the rain with a bunch of smelly, wet animals made me a little sad. Not because I felt bad for this poor soul who has clearly made some abominable business decisions, but because I believe this is exactly the sort of thing that is killing our economy. It cost money to put a petting zoo next to a vitamin shop in the rain. I’m no expert, but I think even a video game store owner would tell you that there’s no money in cold, wet animal petting.

All I’m saying is that we are in a recession and that I blame petting zoos that refuse to pack it in on rainy days. That’s not the shining American spirit cutting through the gloom of a bad situation, that’s the stupidity of an Ivy League educated, trust fund baby with a horribly misguided interpretation of husbandry and children.

Saving the best for last...

Well, here we are at the end of another NaBloPoMo. I think we learned a little bit less this time around than we did last year. I’m currently flying back to Los Angeles. (and yes, I typed out Los Angeles instead of abbreviating it to L.A. because I’m really trying to finish strong with a nice high word count.) Tomorrow will be December 1^st, and I will no longer be required to post each and every day. I’m sure this will be a welcome change back to the way things should be for my readers.

This year, I think we learned that just because I post every day doesn’t mean that I’m getting any better. We learned that I’m not a fan of smoking and that if I ever grace the restaurant industry with my presence, I’ll be 100% logical in the naming of my fine eating establishment. We learned that the more I post, the less people comment. You learned that I have lurkers. I say you because I already knew, but I won’t pretend like the lack of comments isn’t a huge blow to my ego.

Right now, I’m learning that typing on a plane is either really good exercise for my weak, dainty wrists, or it’s one of the most uncomfortable ways a person could ever hope to get any work done. Also, Minesweeper without a mouse is one of the least entertaining games my laptop comes preloaded with.

Unlike some of my previous posts this month, this one isn’t going to make any sense at all. Which is why I’m proud to announce that while I was away, I was bequeathed an old computer. When I say old, I don’t mean mid 80’s, I mean it’s probably 4 or 5 years old. It is the ideal candidate for a Myth box, and since I won’t be spending any money on it, so much the better.

Ok, hope you enjoyed this edition of the Shuck N Jive. I’ll be around again soon I’m sure. I’m posting this from my car since I don’t think I’ll make it home in time. Please ignore not just the inconsistencies on this post, but all of them. Thanks!!

It's ok, I'm not even reading this anymore either.

It’s not that I’m against smoking in restaurants; I’m just against being around smoke while I’m in a restaurant.

I am not a fan of smoke, there’s no question about that. I do understand not wanting to be told what to do. I do understand wanting to have a choice. But what I don’t understand is why the choice of non-smokers doesn’t matter? When you light up in my presence, my choice not to smoke is completely invalidated. It hurts my feelings.

If we’re going to have smoking sections in restaurants, then they need to be better separated. I’m from California, where all indoor smoking is banned. I’m spoiled over there and I know it. Right now, I’m visiting an area of the country where such bans do not yet exist. Their idea of smoking sections = this table isn’t, the table right next to it is. That means that pretty much the whole restaurant is a smoking restaurant.

Why not give them there own separate room with a nice air dam to seal in the smoke? I would support that. Why give me a headache and take away my ability to taste food? Am I really asking too much?

Also, could I possibly have a better topic for tomorrow’s post? That might be asking too much.

Ohio encourages poor judgment

I don’t currently own a chain of successful restaurants. This is a gross oversight on my part. I hope to correct this sometime in the future. When I do, you can be sure of a few things:

I will always serve fresh, delicious food.

I will require my employees to wash their hands excessively.

I will never choose to name my restaurant in a confusing manner.

This is a restaurant I will never own.

Look, all I’m saying is Park first, Eat second… seems a bit more logical to me. I don't care if it is the best breakfast in Cleve at special prices!

Spice up your life

Let’s talk about being stupid and eating things just to prove you’re not a sissy. Scotch Bonnet peppers are the item of the day. They rank fairly high on the Scoville heat rating scale. For a quick reference point, a jalapeno pepper rates somewhere between 2,500 and 8,000 on the scale. A Scotch Bonnet lands somewhere between 100,000 and 350,000 on that same scale. For the sake of my ego and legend, I’m going to pretend that I hit the top end of that rating system.

The worst part of trying to prove you’re not a sissy is that you can’t complain at all when you screw up and eat something that burns you from the inside out. On the plus side however, if you’re having trouble producing excessive amounts of mucus, or perhaps there’s not enough deep red in your complexion, those issues will be resolved by eating just one Scotch Bonnet pepper.

I now have a chemical burn in my mouth and I can’t even complain about it. You’d think that after awhile you’d get used to the pain, but not so much. In fact, it only seems to be getting worse. You’ll have to excuse any spelling errors in this post as I cannot see that well right now. The tears I’m holding back are not from the pepper though, they are from the loss of my soul, which I granted freedom from the hellfire within me now shortly after I swallowed that pepper. I’m hoping for some massive good karma based solely on that move. Of course, I realize the irony of building up karma for a soul I no longer possess…

At this point, my biggest complaint would be that the super market where this pepper was purchased did little if anything to help the average, ignorant customer. They separated the peppers into three categories: Mild, medium and hot. That’s all well and good, but there’s a pretty big difference between a jalapeno pepper and a scotch bonnet pepper. Were it not for the very well informed, leather clad biker (seriously, I make a lot of stuff up, but I’m not making that up.) that knew the names of all the peppers, I could have easily confused this cute little orange guy with having a harmless nature. How hard would it be to put up a little name card with a picture of a skull and cross bones next to these guys?

Somebody kill me. Kill me now.

God help me...

INDIANA!!! OH MY GOD!! WHAT A STATE!! IT WAS AMAZING.

Then I got lost in Ohio.

None of this matters though. Right now, I need everyone in the country to focus on one singular goal: Carson Daly needs to be taken off the air.

Look, I know there’s a writers strike going on right now, and I fully support the writers, but at the same time, something needs to be done about this. I’m smart enough not to watch, but there are others out there that don’t have a choice. Please, help me get this show off the air.