Beefy Lost

Before I begin, I just want to let everyone know that there are no spoilers located within this post. At least not that I am aware of. I realize that ABC gave us some pretty short notice, so I’m sure there’s a lot of Lost fans out there that forgot the show was even on tonight. After all, it’s been what, just shy of a decade since the last episode was aired? Something like that. But if we’re being brutally honest with ourselves, when has Lost ever answered a question without raising at least fifty more? So even if I do slip up and spoil something, I’m sure there are about a thousand other questions ready and willing to fill the new void.

I’m really not here to talk about the many beefs I have with Lost. No, that should be broken up into a weeklong rant consisting of anywhere from two to 14 paragraphs posted on an hourly basis. Instead, I’d like to focus on just one of those beefs. As a smattering of you probably know, the season premier was tonight (or last night, or last week, or three months ago depending on when you get around to reading this.). Because of the inconsistencies in the broadcast schedule for this show, ABC has attempted to help us get back into the grove by airing last season’s finale last night, as well as a one-hour special in front of tonight’s premier, detailing the story up to this point. Basically, we’ve been given two hours of old story to help us prepare for the new one hour.

I’m ok with all of this so far. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve pretty much forgotten everything that has happened up to this point. My mind can only juggle so many unanswered questions for so long. 37 months seems to be my limit. Two hours of recap was just about enough to remind me why I love the show AND why I loathe the show.

This is where things get ugly. This is where my beef comes into play. I’ve just been watching an hour of recap. I’ve been watching that little counter on the bottom right hand corner of the screen count down the last few minutes before the premier of the new season. Prior to this moment, I’ve been entirely unenthusiastic about the premier because I’ve been fooled by this show too many times (remember when we thought Jin was going to speak English? Yeah, I lit my pillow on fire and put it out with a combination of my tears and screams after that one.), but for a brief second, during the commercial break between the recap and the premier, I started to get a little excited. Then the premier started and the first three words I heard were, “Previously, on Lost…”

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! You are seriously going to waste more of my time telling me what has already happened? I waited for THIS??? I just watched a whole hour telling me about “previously on Lost.” No more time need be wasted on this! I’ve had enough time since last season to watch every episode with commentary, without commentary, once with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon playing in the background and once with an old German guy that, oddly enough, only speaks broken French. I don’t need any more recap! And if there’s anyone just tuning into the show for the very first time, they don’t deserve to know what has happened previously. They haven’t suffered like the rest of us. In fact, they will probably have much fewer questions than those of us that do watch the show. They’re already winners like that!

It took awhile for the tears to dry, so I missed some of the opening. I recorded the show, and I’ve tried to watch the beginning 3 times already, but the tears just keep coming back. It’s an open wound right now, I need to let it scab over first, then maybe I’ll find out all the answers. Right? They answer everything right at the top of the show, right? Right?