For the Sake of Nonsense

I'm not going to go into much detail as to how the topic came up, but I will share with you the conclusions of said topic. Through a series of organized debates, with each side being permitted an allotted amount of time to state their case, one irrefutable conclusion was mutually agreed upon by both sides: Jesus shopped at Costco.
I'm also going to start some rumors about how he is going to be their next spokesperson. I suppose you could do worse for a face to represent your product.

"Costco - Jesus shops here, shouldn't you?"

I'd like to think right now that Costco is owned by a Jewish organization.

This next section is unrelated to any Jewish owned Costco with Jesus as it's spokesperson... In fact, it has surprisingly little to do with anything. Each sentence will have little or no relation to the previous...

After 27 years of existence, I'm almost ready to admit that I cannot control the weather.

I belong to a large group of people that sets their alarm clocks 7 minutes fast, so as to trick the body into thinking it's sleeping in just a little bit longer than it really is. This same group is largely responsible for everything that's wrong with the world.

Cats should be allowed to drive cars as fast as they want. They have amazing reflexes, and lets face it, if they're smart enough to grab the keys, walk out to the car, get in, start it up AND work the pedals while steering... They have earned the right to do whatever they want. At least that's my opinion...

There should be a ban placed on all fortune cookies that do not actually contain a fortune. They should be required to give the reader insight into the near by future. How is one expected to make important decisions in life without the help of a fortune cookie? If anyone knows the answer to that age old question, please feel free to inform the rest of us...

I think I just lost most of my readers with this post... I think I went from 0 all the way down to 0. That's like a 100% drop in readership... my sponsors aren't going to like this...