Tuesday, May 26, 2009

History Lesson

What is the definition of Greek tragedy? While no one person could ever completely and accurately answer that question, one thing is sure: I will try to do so with a series of pretty terrible drawings.

Most of these pictures speak for themselves and the ones that don't you can bet will be elaborated on by yours truly.

What follows is an entirely accurate and truthful tale of a truly true story about what happened to me this morning. Some of it may be made up, but that is only to protect the guilty.

This is how my day started. Almost every day starts with jazz hands. It's how I mentally prepare in case the morning commute turns into a dance number. I like to be loose and I don't know of a better way to do that than with jazz hands. I also have a marble plaque cemented into my bathroom floor that says "Noble Jon" so I never forget where I came from. I never want to slip back into that painful place in my life again. I also make loud bellowing declarations in case it's not just a dance number, but a song as well.

As you can see, putting on deodorant is pretty important to me. It also makes me smile. That plays an important part on the tragedy of the next drawing. Please take a moment to prepare yourself for the atrocity to follow...

I'm not going to lie to you. I knew going into the deodorant application phase of my day that this could happen. I use a clear stick type deodorant ( the brand of which will go unnamed until they pay for their product placement) and when it gets down to the end, it often falls out or goes all crooked. A design flaw that nobody seems willing to address. But I digress. I guess what I'm trying to say is, this could have been avoided if the deodorant gods didn't have it in for me.

When I realize something is both Greek and tragic, I say it out loud. Doesn't everyone?

Try not to look at this picture for too long or you may end up crying yourself. It'll happen, trust me. I wouldn't even show you this if I didn't want a life like depiction of the raw emotion I felt this morning.

The end result was that I had to use a differently scented deodorant to finish the job this morning. As you can see above, it didn't go over well. The general public can be very cruel when they put their collective minds to it.

I hope you can all learn from my mistakes.

-- Posted From My iPhone. For a list of all product placement fees, email my assistant at jonsassistantnoreallynotjustanaddressjonmadeuphimselftomakeitlooklikehehasanassistant@gmail.com.


Anonymous said...

Well I'd say this was more in the way of an accident than a Greek Tradgedy.

Doesn't the hero have to have some tragic flaw? Something he can't avoid and yet is the cause of his downfall?

Anonymous said...

Further to above - I think the Chapstick episode would be more like the Greek Tragedy...

cadiz12 said...

you were right; i looked too long and now i'm crying. i blame the violins.

Syar said...

I do not like the look of (the depictions of) those deodorant slivers. I am regarding them warily while wiping the rain off my face (crying?! I'm not crying! You're crying!).

I'm glad you decided to tell this tale, as a warning to the young ones. I know I've learnt great tragic Greek things in the 5 minutes I read this post.

Anonymous said...

Here's a list of what I learned from this post.

1) Deodorant is Greek.

2) No matter how insubstantial stickman armpits are, they still wear deodorant.

3) Jon only has one tear duct.

4) Society looks down upon people with inconsistently scented armpits.

5) Lastly, the enlightening message of the whole post: Abandon your deodorant sticks when they're half-used, before it's too late.

The above leads me to believe that despite your adamant denial of being paid to advertise deodorant, the post is a clever ruse to convince us to use only half sticks, therefore creating the need to purchase more deodorant.

Deception aside, I think the message is very valuable. Thank you for the warning.

omar said...

Wow, Cofo nailed it. The deodorant industry clearly has Jon in their back pocket.

[Jazz hands!]

Madelyn said...

I used to know someone that never wore deodorant and he never had B.O. either.

I also feel that whether or not I'm wearing deodorant, I sweat the same amount.

I also think that the foods you eat make up the smells you sweat. Have you ever been around someone who ate garlic the other day, and you can still smell it on them?

Lia said...

I'm going to go with a variant on Cofo's #5 - skip stick deodorant entirely. Roll on is so much better.

Although that doesn't fix the problem of running out halfway.

So forget I said anything.

omar said...

Roll-on is tougher when your pits have hair, though. I speak from personal experience, I don't claim to know the status of the hair under Jon's arms.

Please note that this is not a suggestion for a future post idea.

Not the general public said...

This post gets a A+++++ (Would recommend!)

Jazz hands + deodorant sliver + sad violin notes = FTW JON!