Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Hair loss

Below you will find my future. I need to face facts. I'm not going to have hair on the top of my head forever. I can already feel it thinning out. I've taken the time to create another stunningly accurate picture of what my future will look like.



As you can see, the hair on top of my head is completely gone. It's still growing strong on the sides. In fact, it looks like my future hair will actually be quite thick on the sides. A combover could be an option. If that fails, my eyebrows also seem to be coming in nicely which means I could also have the option of a combback. Allow me to demonstrate.


As you can see, I've cultivated a unibrow at this stage in my hairloss so that I can have a nice uniform combback. Obviously I've done this to avoid looking creepy and weird. I can only imagine what kind of horrible things children would call me if I had a gap in the middle of my combback. Probably something like gappy. I don't ever want to be called gappy.

That's all I've got. I apologize here and now where an apology most certainly belongs.

-- Posted From My iPhone. Where hairloss is just a fact of life, like Tootie, or Tudy, or Toodee, or however the heck you spell it.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Maybe the unibrow combined with a Mohawk...

Syar said...

Anon seems to have a good idea on his/her hands, there.

I say it would also help your disposition toward the whole bald thing and general lookitude if you got something done about those crooked lips of yours. They're just not doing you any favours. I tell you this because I care.

Cofo said...

I'm wondering to what extreme you'll be able to take the combback. If you can make it all the way, a combback mullet could be quite spectacular.

I was also going to comment on your crooked lips, but Syar beat me to it. Lets just say those kids might call you something worse than Gappy.

Anonymous said...

Male pattern baldness is a bitch.

cadiz12 said...

yeah the crooked lips make it seem like you've got an umcomfortably full bladder.

Jon said...

Anonymous: That is an option I will reserve for concerts and family photos.

Syar: Are you suggesting that my hairline is not the only problem? That perhaps my lipline needs some work too? I suppose I'll have to grow a mustache long enough to droop over my lips...

Cofo: I won't be happy until people are routinely mistaking me for a woman from behind.

Anonymous2: I'm beginning to see that.

Cadiz: An uncomfortable fullness of the bladder, unfortunately, is not the cause of my lip crookedicivity. It's genetic. I'm blaming all of Germany for this.

Madelyn said...

I'm not sure I completely understand the unibrow comb back. In all the years I've known you I've never seen your eyebrows grow long, nor into the shape of a unibrow. I feel that, as your little sister, this would be something I should be fully aware of, as well as experiencing myself. Then again, I never had bald ankles (until I started shaving that is.) I also don't understand why you no longer have hair on the sides of your head in the comb back.

Guyana-Gyal said...

Okay, I know this is almost the end of July and I'm talking to an old, old post...but I have an idea I just can't resist sharing.

Shave it all off and dye your head blue one day, purple one day. You might set a new trend, Jon. You know that ad line, I'd rather dye than tell my age?

Carrot Jello said...

I'm thinking Anonymous is Omar. He wants everyone to think he's bald on purpose, but we know better.

amy said...

I heard that hair loss is related to poor diet and stress. I know coconut oil massage can help with small head but I worked better when I bought Propecia Online.