Sunday, April 17, 2005

Better judgment be damned! I’m posting this anyway.

I was recently informed by my dentist that I need a mouth guard when I sleep. Apparently sleeping has become a full contact sport for me. My dentist didn’t say anything about a helmet or chest protector, I bought those on my own because I don’t want to look foolish with just a mouth guard. Plus, I’m all about being prepared and I can’t ignore the fact that it’s going to make me look sexy as hell.

Has anyone seen the new Honda commercial? It’s the one where Honda is talking about how great the safety ratings are for passengers on the inside, but also how they develop their cars for pedestrian safety too?

**By the way, it should be noted that I watch a fair amount of television. I don’t really get out much, and to be honest with you, I don’t want to get out much. I don’t like to drink (my mind is very important to me, and impairing it in any way is just not acceptable), I don’t like being crammed in a tiny room with no room to breath and music so loud I have to scream directly into someone’s ear just so they can say, “How’s it going?” “What?” “I said HOW’S IT GOING?” “Huh?” “NEVERMIND.” “Oh, I think he went to the bathroom.” Not my scene. My scene is actually much sadder. I prefer playing games like Trivial Pursuit or Scene it. I’m particularly adept at the Television version of Scene it. I am a nerd; make no mistake about it. **

Anyway, back to my point. Have you seen the commercial? Well if you have, does it bother you as much as it bothers me? What is Honda trying to say? ”We know that when you sit behind the wheel of a Honda, there’s an unusually high probability that you are going to hit a pedestrian. We’re not really sure why that is, maybe it’s something to do with the design of our cars, or maybe they type of person that’s drawn to a Honda just isn’t that good of a driver. Rest assured though, we’ve got a team of scientist working on that right now, but in the mean time, we’ve also got a team of engineers designing our cars to not hurt pedestrians as much as other cars!” Way to go Honda, now when I see that car come barreling down the sidewalk, I can take solace in the fact that if it’s a Honda, it’ll probably be like getting hit by a giant pillow! Maybe not, maybe it’ll be like getting hit by a giant hunk of metal that weighs 20 times as much as me. I could be wrong though, I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. Tomorrow seems like a good day to die…

15 comments:

jazz said...

was so distracted trying to read the rest of your post b/c i kept giggling with the image of you (a faceless person) in all that gear in bed...you should move that part to the end!

Jon said...

I thought about it and if it distracted you that much, then perhaps it’s a good thing. I felt like the rest of the post was pretty weak, so better that you were distracted. I’ll be sure to take a nice picture in all my gear once I get the mouth guard, but it’s not going to be any time soon, first they have to see if my insurance covers it, then they have to make a mold of my teeth, then it goes to a lab somewhere and they make this high tech piece of sleeping equipment so that I can grind to my hearts content and not damage my teeth. My biggest problem is that the grinding dislocates my jaw, and sometimes it’s locked shut when I wake up in the morning… not fun.

jazz said...

you crack me up...

cadiz12 said...

so pre-guard did you spend your nights chomping and grinding?

Jon said...

Jasmine: Well I try… I’m a bona fide People Please. P.P. for short, but I prefer Lil’ P.P. (for some reason that makes people laugh, but I don’t know why…)

Cadiz12: Well, I don’t actually have the mouth guard yet, but according to my dentist, I’m clinching at night. Which to me means that I made the playoffs, so I thought it was a good thing, but shortly after the dentist informed me that I was an idiot, he also told me that it meant I was grinding my teeth, and I guess the enamel is worn down unevenly on the right side (which is also the side that’s having the most joint problems). Apparently, the clinching and grinding is the way I work out stress, but I’ve always handled stress pretty well I thought. I work well under pressure situations. And I guess my otherwise icy demeanor is has taken it’s toll on my teeth. Basically, it’s not going to stop me from doing whatever it is I do when I sleep, it’s just going to protect my teeth better so I don’t grind them down to nothing and become a snaggletooth freak in my later years, and I’m in favor of that. Plus I look forward to the times in my life when someone is around, watching me prepare for bed and I can say things like, “You think this is a game? This is sleep, this is serious!” and then I’ll put in my mouth guard, throw on my helmet and chest protector, put on some gloves, maybe some cleats too, head butt the wall a few times, scream out, “1-2-3 Victory!!!” then get a running start and take a huge leap into my bed…I don’t imagine I’ll have many of those opportunities though… oh well, to sleep, per chance to dream…

cadiz12 said...

i'm a grinder, too. i've been told the way people know i'm falling asleep is when i start clacking my teeth together. that enamel erosion thing sounds scary. maybe i should get a guard, too. but i'll probably suffocate with a helmet. should i get knee pads instead?

Jack Safety said...

Man... I used to value my mind too. Then I took the advice of a doctor and took Adderall for my ADD.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Well, after being on it for maybe two years, I have little short-term memory left. I can't hold numbers in my head anymore and stuff like that. So now I drink quite often, and usually at the most inappropriate times. I went from designing computers systems for a custom PC manufacturer to doing construction.

I think I'm going to go find something to trip over now.

cadiz12 said...

but maybe you're happier with construction...? ever seen 'office space'?

Jon said...

Cadiz12: Kneepads and wrist guards are a must at all times, not just when sleeping.

Jack: I don’t know anything about ADD… if anything, I’m the opposite. When I get locked into a project of some sort, my focus becomes intense. I block out everything else, I don’t sleep, I don’t eat and I damn near come close to not breathing either. I don’t know why, but for some reason, eating seems to be the first thing I can ignore, can’t explain it, and no one else understands it. But hey, I’m not a freak for nothing ; )

cadiz12 said...

gotcha. i was thinking i probably do need a helmet, right? maybe i can get a kiddie one that doesn't go around your whole head. i don't want it to slide around on moisturizer those chance nights i remember to actually put it on.

dude, you should take that in-the-zone thing public. you may just make a pretty penny in the meditation market. then you can brainwash people into going after that chump who ran you over. like fight club...

Jon said...

Maybe you could get one of those boxing helmets? They are pretty open faced. Me? I’ll keep wearing my motorcycle helmet backwards, like I always do.

I don’t know about going public with the Zone though, the Zone is harsh mistress. Sometimes being in the Zone will allow you to drive from Kansas City all the way to Las Vegas in one 19-hour marathon of driving excellence. And other times, being in the Zone will require that you stay up for five straight days reading all the Harry Potter books and end up getting you in hot water with your boss when you don’t show up for work on day six because you crashed…and you crashed hard (remember, in the Zone, you don’t use caffeine or sugar to help you along)

cadiz12 said...

i think i'm your zone apprentice. i stayed up two nights reading harry potter and skipped an entire day of class. au naturale. and as you saw, i was up for two sunrises gallivanting about the city and tormenting surgical patients.

is that enough to get my diploma?

Jon said...

I think that qualifies you for your undergrad, but if you want to pursue your masters, or possibly even your doctorate, much more time in the Zone will be necessary. Be warned though, few make the attempt, and even fewer succeed… (oh the Potter… what a blessed curse that is. I think book 4 is my favorite, and I have no idea how they are going to fit that into anything less than a 7 hour movie…)

cadiz12 said...

i am up for the challenge!

yeah, i gave up on the movies as soon as i saw that they cut the potion logic thing at the end of the first one. without sounding like too much of a geek, i will say that i'm an hp purist. i guess.

Jon said...

I think I’m a purist about a lot of things, HP included. I think my biggest problem with the movies is that the books are soooooooo good (at least to me, I swear, I’ve never been so addicted to a series) and the movies have to cut out a lot, and I don’t always like the way they use the camera to “show” JK’s descriptions…Not to sound too egotistical, but I just think my imagination is better then Hollywood’s. Anyway, the thought of July 17th makes me squeal like a little girl, and not many things make me do that…