The fact that I haven't answered this question in thousands of years is a little on the pathetic side, but maybe that's all in my head since I'm only 32 years old. That's what all the legal documents say anyway.
As of today, this is no longer an issue. My oldest sister, the one with the PhD, has given me the solution to end my misery. Enjoy!
I'll be sporting this fine new fashion accessory every Halloween. It is ok to be jealous.
-- Posted From My birthday iPhone. Birthday checks welcome!