Monday, September 28, 2009


I made a sandwich for dinner tonight. It was simple in its construction. Bread, black forest ham, Cajun turkey, mustard, mayo and pepper jack cheese. It was toasted and delicious. As you can see below, I did have to take one unusual step in order to complete this mouthful of happy sunshine.

First of all, yes, I do have amazing arm strength. Second, no, this was not dangerous. The photograph clearly shows that I am holding my iPhone. It has a built in accelerometer. There's no conceivable way my iPhone allows me to make a mistake without alerting me with a vibration, text message or custom ring tone. Third, false, the cheese is not on the ground, that is gross. In reality, I am about to slice down with such force that I am actually hovering above the ground at countertop height.

It is for that third reason that I cannot advocate using a knife of this size to cut cheese. Is it cool? Obviously. Is it easy? Not at all. Turns out, cheese posseses an unusually high friction coefficient. It's almost impossible to slice even the smallest block of cheese without summoning the strenght of seven men. Fortunately I took a summer course at the local junior college in order to master that very skill. I'm just not sure everyone will have the same forethought as I did to register for that class. It's an elective, but it fills up fast.

If you've got a normal sized knife though, I highly recommend this sandwich for your next lunch or dinner meal.

-- Posted From My iPhone using the strength of only four men. I save the seven man variety for special occasions and crime fighting.


Anonymous said...

What if your iPhone tries to warn you of danger, and you cut yourself while checking the message?

I read that you're ten times more likely to get in an accident if you're texting while sammiching.

Madelyn said...

Did the toasted bread have butter, and cinnamon sugar on it? Those were always delicious.

Anonymous said...

So it wasn't pre-sliced cheese?

Jon said...

Cofo: you obviously don't have an iPhone, so I'll let that slide.

I read that your ten times more likely to get in an accident doing anything WITHOUT an iPhone. Guess we'll see which report is more reliable...

Madelyn: Thank you for revealing all of my secrets. But no, no sugar cinnamon toast for the bread portion, although that is amazing. I also didn't make my signature secret sauce (which is not just thousand island dressing), so I can't say it's the best sandwich I've ever made, but it was still quite good.

Anonymous: Never used pre-sliced cheese. You might as well anchor your boat to the end of the cul-de-sac because that ship ain't taking you nowhere.

Madelyn said...

I was going to mention your secret sauce, but I didn't want everyone to go crazy over what it might consist of. Yeah, I ended that sentence with a preposition.

omar said...

Oh snap! Jon, you're going to let your sister end sentences with prepositions on YOUR blog?!? I'm gonna sit here and watch the wrath of the English major unfold!

Also, after seeing that picture, I now understand why you needed custom in-ear headphones.