Sunday, February 15, 2009

My economic stimulus plan

I think we've all heard about the economic stimulus plan by now.  It's a lot of money, there's no question about that.  From what I can tell, most people feel like they are giving away their future money to people that are already rich without having anything to show for it.  Well, I have a solution.  T-Shirts*.  I propose that the US Government purchase the following t-shirts to send out to all tax paying citizens.

For as little as 1.6 billion dollars, the US Government can purchase enough shirts for all of the country's tax payers.  Considering the numbers they've been throwing around, that's really not too much to ask, a drop in the bucket really.  Plus, now everyone feels like they're really getting something out of this whole "stimulus" package.  What better way to remember this gigantic economic catastrophe than with a t-shirt?  Years from now we'll all be wearing them with pride as we mow each others lawns for extra cash.

If it ended right there, I think we can all agree that would be pretty sweet, but it doesn't.  I've always considered myself a big picture kind of guy.  I don't look at a puzzle one piece at a time, I look at all of the pieces at the same time, turned face down.  When you look at it that way, you realize that each piece really isn't so different.  You see where I'm going with this?  Yeah, I thought so.

When the government ponies up and buys all those shirts, I'm going to make a small profit.  I'll take the time to remind you that the title of this post is "MY economic stimulus plan."  With that in mind, not only will everyone feel better about where their tax money is going because they'll be getting a shirt, but there will be a giant ripple effect that will reach everyone.  I will make enough of a profit to quit my job.  Guess what that means?  You got it, there's going to be at least one more job opening in this tough economic climate.  You can't argue with those kinds of numbers.  Can you feel the waves?

Not only will I quit my job, but I'll start my own company where I will be hiring people to work with me.  I've already got a list of people I will be hiring and guess what?  They already have jobs right now, so when I hire them away (there will be a 1 million dollar signing bonus, they'd be crazy not to leave their other jobs), that will create even more job openings.  Multiply the number of people I hire by the number of jobs they leave and you'll find that the numbers grow exponentially.  Bigger numbers mean more jobs, am I right?  I will help make some of the biggest numbers out there by multiplying them all together!

I think I've illustrated pretty well how a small 1.6 billion dollar drop can turn into an economic tsunami if it's handled right.  Now it's time for Big G to step up and get this economy moving again by buying my shirts!

*For those of you that think I set up an online store just for this post... well... you know me too well.


cadiz12 said...

i'm slightly offended that you are hiring people and have yet to offer me one. but i guess the key to your plan is to go after those WITH jobs? where does that leave all of us laid-off schlubs?

i cannot believe you actually set up an online store for that shirt. i guess i don't know you as well has i had thought.

Anonymous said...

I want to buy this shirt. Do the proceeds go to you?

Jon said...

Cadiz: Get a job and then I'll hire you away from it. It's good for the economy.

Anonymous: I get a whole dollar from each shirt that is sold. But does that mean you don't think the government will come through for you?

Lia said...

I love it! T-shirts make the world go 'round.

omar said...

Any strings attached to that 1 million dollar signing bonus? Like, do I have to STAY employed at this company of yours? Restrictions on rec league sports for fear of injury? Anything like that? Do I have to relocate?

I don't mean to be presumptuous here, you haven't yet offered me a job. But I am employed, and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I'm the most qualified blogger named Omar that you've ever met.

When you're ready, have your people call my people.