Monday, December 01, 2008


The mood here at the Shuck N' Jive is tense.  

Very tense.  

Very, very tense.

Let me back up a little bit.  I want an iPhone.

Let me back up a little more.  About 6 months ago, I had my first real encounter with an iPhone.  Up to that point, I wasn't that impressed.  I knew what it was capable of, I just wasn't that interested.  But then I got to hold one.  Here's a sad secret about my current, some say unhealthy, obsession with the iPhone:  

The thing that made it all click, the feature that made me think, "If I don't get one of these soon, I will consider myself a failure at life and possibly other things." isn't what you might suspect.  It's not an app.  It's not a better Internet in my pocket.  It's not even having a qwerty keyboard instead of a number pad with which to type words like, "Adequisivity," or "Strategery."  No, the thing that got me is the touch screen.  And I don't mean the fact that I can do things just by touching the screen, I mean the glass itself.  It's some sort of high-grade aircraft-certified glass.  (As a small side note, you might think that the glass, being the feature that put me over the top, would deserve some sort of cursory research on my part so as to determine exactly what it is that makes it so great.  But that would take away the magic for me, and if you know nothing else about me, know this;  I don't like my magic to be taken away from me.)  When my friend took his keys and tried to scratch the glass with a sharp edge and the device came away looking as pristine as ever, I literally wet my pants.  Just so we're clear though, I was sitting down and I did not pee myself, that would be gross.  The moisture was from the drool that fell errantly from my mouth.  This is also gross, but considerably more acceptable and way less smelly.

Let me back up just a tinsy bit more.  I'm insane.

I started downloading apps for the iPhone about a week and a half ago.  I am not ashamed of this fact.  I know people that have owned an iPhone for over a year and have still not downloaded a single app.  I think that's something to be ashamed of.  So, while some people out there may make fun of me for preparing myself for my eventual iPhone purchase, I will feel sorry for them because they probably don't have an iPhone and consequently will never feel joy in life.  Therefore they deserve my sympathy.

I'm sure there's at least one of you wondering what's keeping me from getting an iPhone right now.  That's a fair wonder.  I don't have AT&T, so I have to wait for my current contract to expire so that I can properly exploit my free agent status just like any other sub-par professional athlete would.  December 7th.  That's the day I become an unrestricted free agent. 

I'm not really at liberty to make claims that I cannot guarantee or back up with some sort of monetary leverage, but I'm pretty sure that once I obtain my precious, I'll be posting a lot* more.

*I reserve the right to define "a lot" as "a little," or "hardly any."


Anonymous said...

Worst case of IPhone fever I've ever seen.

And Dec 7 is still a week away.

Madelyn said...

I agree with anonymous. In 6 days you will have the iphone, and in about 14 days, it will be just another expensive thing you have. The wanting you have for it now will be gone, and you will have a fever for something else . . . like seeing your family for Christmas.

Jon said...

Madelyn: I think you're partially right. In about 14 days I will probably be very excited to see my family... so that I can show them my new iPhone and all the cool things it does!!!

omar said...

I see nothing wrong with downloading apps early. Why not hit the ground running when you get the iPhone? And I couldn't agree more about current iPhone owners who don't take advantage of what's to offer in the app store. They should be ashamed. And they should have their iPhones taken away and replaced with one of those old brick cellular phones circa 1988.

The biggest dilemma for me was about iPhone protection. I spent a good week reading reviews and looking at YouTube videos of people reviewing cases. I basically only wanted something that provides scratch protection and added very little bulk. I didn't immediately protect my iPod touch, and the entire back got scratched up in just a few days (note that the screen was fine, and that's what matters most). I settled on the Power Support Air Jacket. I like it so far, though it does have one major drawback, in that I can't easily press the volume buttons. Perhaps I have fat thumbs, I don't know. It's price-to-size ratio is also a little high. But otherwise, it's exactly what I was looking for in terms of look and feel.

I think I've carried on long enough. Good luck getting through this week.

Lia said...

I still haven't met an iPhone. Judging by you and Omar, and the way I reacted to my Blackberry Curve, it's probably a good idea for me to make sure that the situation remains as is, because I don't think I'll ever shell out the money for one.

Amanda said...

I would have to assume that you are talking about me. The person who has had an Iphone for a year and hasn't downloaded any apps. 1st of all..... its only been 11 months. 2nd..... the other day I decided that I should look at some. Then I downloaded some. I even paid for one of them. Then when I went to sync my phone, I realized that I was on the wrong computer and the computer that I do sync to is broken. So there..... I tried and now I can't.

Becky said...

first, the iPhone is, without a doubt, the best thing that ever was. ever.

and second, "palpabilivity"? i can't even SAY that. it feels like i'm all mush-mouthed. pal-pa-bil-i-vi-ty. Blech.

Jon said...

Omar: I'm at odds with a case right now. I've never had a case for my phone before, but I've always kept my phones in pretty good condition. I can't stand those huge covers that people put on their phones. They completely hide the beauty of the technology underneath. I will also never wear my phone on a belt clip of any sort. There's no need for that.

Lia: I'm not saying that Wal-Mart is going to specifically target you, but I think they may go after people that think the way you do... I'm just saying.

Amanda: You're not the only one I know with an iPhone and no apps. If it were just you, I probably wouldn't have mentioned it. Besides, you totally got us to Megan's wedding with it, so I feel like you're doing your best. When I'm home for Christmas, I promise to help you figure out what the problem is.

Becky: I was recently watching an old episode of News Radio and Phil Hartman's character was making up all kinds of words and I had forgotten how much I love to make up words. I basically combined "Palpable" with, well... livity, which isn't a word. But because I feel it necessary, it's pronounced, Pal-puh-bill-liv-ity. Hope that helps!

cadiz12 said...

i haven't been able to check blogs for a week and i come here for this?

i am suffering from iPhone fatigue.

Madelyn said...

todays the day!

P.S. I sure wish I had News Radio on DVD.