Maybe Meme

I think I was tagged by a meme awhile ago… I think there were rules or something too. At the risk of going against the M.R.E.C.U.M. (Meme Rules Enforcement Committee Uhv Massachusetts) and printing this unrecognized and unsanctioned meme, I’m going to skip that part and here’s why: First of all, “uhv??” They don’t even know how to spell “of!!” How am I supposed to respect their authority if they can’t even spell a simple preposition? Plus, they really only have jurisdiction over Massachusetts and portions of New Hampshire and Rhode Island. Rhode Island is roughly the size of my back yard, and if they can’t control all of that, what kind of pull do you think they’re going to have half way across the country in Southern California? I’m hoping not much, because otherwise I’m in trouble. But these are the kinds of risks I take. They are the risks that make my life exciting and also a horrific dinner party topic.

Moving on… In further defiance of M.R.E.C.U.M., I’m going to attempt this meme based solely on my memory of what it was supposed to be. That being said, in no particular order (except for the first six) here are six weird things about me:

1. I check my shoes every morning for spiders. This started back in grade school after I woke up one morning and when I was about to slip on my sweet new Velcro shoes, I noticed a spider suspended in a web built across the opening of the shoe. I wasn’t freaked out by this or anything, I just didn’t like the idea of a potentially crushed spider all over my sock. So I check my shoes for spiders every morning.
2. I don’t like to keep my toothbrush in the bathroom because of a scare-report I saw a long time ago where they show microscopic fecal matter shooting out of the toilet in a giant mushroom cloud that extends up to 20 feet away from the source. And simply putting the toothbrush inside a cabinet has been deemed “unsafe” by my own highly irrational mind. So my toothbrush stays in my bedroom unless I’m using it, at which time there is a strict “No Flushing” rule in effect. Trips out of the house require that the toothbrush be kept inside a plastic bag when not in use to avoid filth contamination.
3. I absolutely HATE to be barefoot. I don’t even like not having shoes on. I am barefoot for approximately 15 minutes a day, and that’s slightly more than I can stand. Showering is pretty much the only reason I see fit to be barefoot. Possibly swimming, but even then, I’d prefer some aqua socks, no matter how silly they look.
4. I buy a mini bat at every Dodger game I attend because I believe it helps them win. I buy a mini bat at every non-Dodger game I attend because I like to add to the collection (which is up to approximately 27 mini bats now, but only 4 (Cubs, White Sox, Mets and Yankee’s) are not Dodger bats). I believe that the cooler I think the bat is, the better their chances of winning. My personal favorite is my Paul Lo Duca picture bat (from when he was still with the Dodgers and one of my all time favorite players). Perhaps one day I will do a completely boring picture post as a tribute to my fine collection. Don’t worry though, I won’t take separate pictures for the ones that look alike.
5. I pop almost every joint in my body on a regular basis except my knees. And by regular basis, I mean several times a day… except my knees. For some reason ( November 18, 1985. Giants Vs. Redskins. September 5, 1994. Raiders Vs. 49ers) I consider the knee to be immensely fragile and to be treated with great care and caution.
6. I eat dinner at around 10:30 or 11 PM every day. I eat lunch at around 1:30 or 2 PM, and I rarely eat breakfast. I always have a snack in the morning, but I don’t eat a full meal by any means. I’ve been told that this isn’t healthy, but I get sick less often than any of my friends, and I also have more energy than most of them.

I think that pretty much covers the weirdness for now. I’m sure that the list was a disappointment to most. I know you’re all looking for something really weird like, I eat lettuce, or something fantastically otherworldly like that, but sorry, it’s just not true. I’m certainly not going to make up some bizarre things like that just to increase my weirdness factor.

I have some vague recollection of being required to tag some other bloggers so they too can share the weird, but I’ve already trashed the rules on this whole thing, so who’ll notice if I skip this part too? Let’s be honest, readership is way down anyway, it’s not like I’ll be upsetting a lot of people.

What I can’t describe

Wow, I honestly can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way, I’ll tell you what I’ve been doing. I’ve been wondering how the hell I posted every day for an entire month. I’m completely baffled by that one. Who saw that coming? Certainly not me. I had myself out on day 3 at the office pool. I thought I was a lock because nobody at the office knows about the blog or the pool for me to fail at blogging for an entire month after just 3 days. I lost all of my savings on that bet… I thought it was a gimmie given that I was the only one in the pool, and it was based on my own actions, therefore the fix should have been in… I really shouldn’t gamble. That’s the lesson I learned.

However, given that I lost the bet to myself, I found myself with a nice lump sum of money, so I did what anyone would do and I blew the whole thing on a week long trip to Chicago to visit my girlfriend. It was practically free money, right?

I had two main goals when visiting my girlfriend: 1. Hang out with my girlfriend, and 2. See a large and deadly lizard.

Let me just say, if those are your two main goals in life, then Chicago is the place for you. The Shedd Aquarium currently has the Komodo Dragon on display, and let me tell you, I’ve never seen a more threatening lizard in my life. Below I’ve embedded a 13 hour video that I took of the deadly beast during my visit this past weekend. Pay close attention, at exactly 11 hours 13 minutes and 42 seconds, the Dragon blinks and it’s arguably the most terrifying blink I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve modified the video so that you can’t fast forward or rewind. I don’t want you to skip through anything, and furthermore, I don’t want you to be able to just rewind to see the good parts over again. This is a once in a lifetime experience, and I want you to feel like you were actually there yourself. The video should also play automatically, so there’s no need to ask absurd questions like, “Where is the play button?” or, “How come this doesn’t actually look like a video but more like a regular picture?”

I assume that’s going to take up most of your time, so I’ll just let you enjoy the majesty of a 300-pound lizard.

I will leave you with this: Upon visiting the Shedd Aquarium, it was obvious to me that there was some serious fish loving going on by this John G. Shedd guy, so I offer up my own personal advertisement for the Shedd Aquarium…

The John G. Shedd Aquarium. It’s about a man and his love of fish.

This is the actual statute right outside the entrance to the aquarium. I can’t believe people are ok with this.