Friday, January 26, 2007

Maybe Meme

I think I was tagged by a meme awhile ago… I think there were rules or something too. At the risk of going against the M.R.E.C.U.M. (Meme Rules Enforcement Committee Uhv Massachusetts) and printing this unrecognized and unsanctioned meme, I’m going to skip that part and here’s why: First of all, “uhv??” They don’t even know how to spell “of!!” How am I supposed to respect their authority if they can’t even spell a simple preposition? Plus, they really only have jurisdiction over Massachusetts and portions of New Hampshire and Rhode Island. Rhode Island is roughly the size of my back yard, and if they can’t control all of that, what kind of pull do you think they’re going to have half way across the country in Southern California? I’m hoping not much, because otherwise I’m in trouble. But these are the kinds of risks I take. They are the risks that make my life exciting and also a horrific dinner party topic.

Moving on… In further defiance of M.R.E.C.U.M., I’m going to attempt this meme based solely on my memory of what it was supposed to be. That being said, in no particular order (except for the first six) here are six weird things about me:

  1. I check my shoes every morning for spiders. This started back in grade school after I woke up one morning and when I was about to slip on my sweet new Velcro shoes, I noticed a spider suspended in a web built across the opening of the shoe. I wasn’t freaked out by this or anything, I just didn’t like the idea of a potentially crushed spider all over my sock. So I check my shoes for spiders every morning.
  2. I don’t like to keep my toothbrush in the bathroom because of a scare-report I saw a long time ago where they show microscopic fecal matter shooting out of the toilet in a giant mushroom cloud that extends up to 20 feet away from the source. And simply putting the toothbrush inside a cabinet has been deemed “unsafe” by my own highly irrational mind. So my toothbrush stays in my bedroom unless I’m using it, at which time there is a strict “No Flushing” rule in effect. Trips out of the house require that the toothbrush be kept inside a plastic bag when not in use to avoid filth contamination.
  3. I absolutely HATE to be barefoot. I don’t even like not having shoes on. I am barefoot for approximately 15 minutes a day, and that’s slightly more than I can stand. Showering is pretty much the only reason I see fit to be barefoot. Possibly swimming, but even then, I’d prefer some aqua socks, no matter how silly they look.
  4. I buy a mini bat at every Dodger game I attend because I believe it helps them win. I buy a mini bat at every non-Dodger game I attend because I like to add to the collection (which is up to approximately 27 mini bats now, but only 4 (Cubs, White Sox, Mets and Yankee’s) are not Dodger bats). I believe that the cooler I think the bat is, the better their chances of winning. My personal favorite is my Paul Lo Duca picture bat (from when he was still with the Dodgers and one of my all time favorite players). Perhaps one day I will do a completely boring picture post as a tribute to my fine collection. Don’t worry though, I won’t take separate pictures for the ones that look alike.
  5. I pop almost every joint in my body on a regular basis except my knees. And by regular basis, I mean several times a day… except my knees. For some reason ( November 18, 1985. Giants Vs. Redskins. September 5, 1994. Raiders Vs. 49ers) I consider the knee to be immensely fragile and to be treated with great care and caution.
  6. I eat dinner at around 10:30 or 11 PM every day. I eat lunch at around 1:30 or 2 PM, and I rarely eat breakfast. I always have a snack in the morning, but I don’t eat a full meal by any means. I’ve been told that this isn’t healthy, but I get sick less often than any of my friends, and I also have more energy than most of them.

I think that pretty much covers the weirdness for now. I’m sure that the list was a disappointment to most. I know you’re all looking for something really weird like, I eat lettuce, or something fantastically otherworldly like that, but sorry, it’s just not true. I’m certainly not going to make up some bizarre things like that just to increase my weirdness factor.

I have some vague recollection of being required to tag some other bloggers so they too can share the weird, but I’ve already trashed the rules on this whole thing, so who’ll notice if I skip this part too? Let’s be honest, readership is way down anyway, it’s not like I’ll be upsetting a lot of people.


omar said...

I saw a similar (or maybe the same) story about fecal mushroom clouds. For a short while, I also wouldn't keep my toothbrush in the bathroom. But now I figure that if I'm in the bathroom when it flushes, I'm already inhaling the fecal matter mushroom cloud, in which case, what's the difference between that and it getting on my toothbrush?

So now I just try to make sure the toilet lid is closed before I flush.

cadiz12 said...

i'm with omar. keeping all the lids down at all times except direct use also happens to solve the age-old bicker-inducing question of leaving it up or down-- if everyone has to lift and close it every time it's more fair and prevents filthy clouds from infiltrating the universe.

i find the barefoot thing to be the weirdest; i can't stand having socks and shoes on unless it's absolutely necessary.

Anonymous said...

Spiders are our friends...

Nadia said...

I used to walk around school shoeless on a regular basis. Not only did it confuse people, but it kept them at a safe distance. Nobody really likes a hippie in a hijab.

Can't comment further. Running to hide toothbrush in a fecal mushroom cloud-free area NOW.


Syar said...

The Mythbusters busted that fecal matter myth. They put toothbrushes around a high-traffic bathroom, near, and around the toilet and then they had a control sample in the kitchen. After a month of daily brushing and testing, they found fecal matter on ALL the brushes. including the control.

So either someone's been baking serious air biscuits in that kitchen or shit is all around us.

I kind of just made myself laugh writing that. Anyway, the moral is, your toothbrush isn't safe anywhere, Jon! Except maybe a vaccuum.

Edna B said...

Syar you made me laugh by just writing that also.
I think we need to just embrace the feciality and live with it in harmony.
At least you guys aren't in the midst of the worst drought in 1000 years (,,1941942,00.html) and all the government can talk about is drinking recycled drinking water. You can guess where it might be recycled from.
I just hope it doesn't make my teeth go brown.

cadiz12 said...

syar, you are HILARIOUS.

edna, i'm so sorry to hear about the rain.

Anonymous said...

در اجرای طرح ارتقای امنيت اجتماعی که از ابتدای ارديبهشت‌‏ماه آغاز شده, برخورد با مالکان خودروهای حامل افراد بدحجاب در دستور کار پليس قرار گرفته است، بر اساس اين طرح خودروهای حامل فرد بدحجاب يا خودروهايی که زنان بدحجاب راننده آن هستند، توسط ماموران اجرای طرح امنيت اخلاقی يا ماموران راهنمايی و رانندگی توقيف و به پارکينگ منتقل می‌‏شوند.
به گزارش خبرنگار ايلنا, نيروی انتظامی با اين توجيه که حضور فرد بدحجاب در خودرو از جرائم مشهود محسوب می‌‏شود، نسبت به برخورد با خودروهای حامل فرد بدحجاب اقدام کرده و راساً به توقيف خودروها می‌‏پردازد.

ماموران زنا زاده پلیس راهنمایی رانندگی ایران بجای اینکه هزاران راننده که مانند حیوانات با سرعت غیر مجاز، عبور ممنوع و صدها مورد جرایم مشهود خطرناک را پیگیری کنند در برابر این جرایم سکوت می کنند و ماشین افرادی را که موهایشان پیداست توقیف می کنند!

آی کیر خوک و خر و سنده خوک و خر تو کس حضرت زهرا بنت رسول الله چون ملایان می خواهند ایرانیان مثل این فاحشه قریش باشند.
سنده سگ تو کس ننه و زن و دختر رسول الله به خاطر این قوانین مسخره و حیوانی قرآن.
سنده شیطان تو حلق محمد قرآن شد.