Thursday, September 15, 2005

Injury Time Out

Well, I’ve really done it this time. I currently have a severely sprained left ankle. (my right ankle is fine, for all of you right ankle fans out there.) Softball is once again the culprit. Or more specifically, those two giant pits that right handed batters dug out in the batters box are the culprits. I was sliding into home on a close play at the plate and my left ankle got caught in one of the aforementioned pits and I jack-knifed over the plate. There was a popping sound and immediate pain. I was able to connect the two and determine that something not so good had just happened. I know what you’re thinking though, and don’t worry, I made sure I touched the plate. I was safe and the run counted. We only lost by 12 runs. Could have been 13…

I make ludicrous decisions all the time. There was no reason to change my ways the other night, so I drove myself home after the game. For those of you that don’t know, I drive a manual transmission vehicle. The left foot is kind of key in that it operates the clutch. Let me just say that the ride home was not the most fun I’ve ever had driving my car. Though no one recorded me on my drive home, every time I shifted, I would not deny screaming such obscenities as, “Paul Walker is a good actor!!” or, “I like the musical stylings of Kenny G.!!!”

When I got home, I could at least hobble inside. The next morning, well that was a slightly different story. Putting weight on it was not really an option. I mean, sure, I could have put some weight on it, but that would just mean more obscenities and a lot more pain. I was brought up to be extremely pious, not that I am, but since I’m living at home, I like to give my parents the illusion that they did something right. Therefore I try to make sure they don’t catch me saying things like, “Monday is my favorite day of the week!” or, “The WNBA Rules!!” They put a lot of hard work into raising me and I don’t want to disappoint them.

I made a somewhat baffling maneuver that day by calling my doctor to make an appointment. They were able to fit me in at 2:45. Of course, that’s really just something they put down on paper to make people feel like they matter. I sat in a room by myself for a good 35 minutes before anyone came to see me. After about a minute and 3 seconds of tests, they determined that it was severely sprained and that they would need x-rays. I was then instructed to hobble down the hall to the x-ray technician. I did so and was lucky enough to fill out a second set of paperwork before the x-rays were taken. The x-ray lab is not associated with the medical clinic I go to, they just happen to be in the same building, conveniently located right by all the doctor’s offices. I find this to be an amazing coincidence.

They have a fancy new x-ray machine, or more specifically, they got rid of those archaic film slides that they developed and it’s all digital now. Much faster to get the results. However, you still have to wait another 45 minutes to an hour for the doctor to come in and say, “Well, the good news is there are no fractures or breaks. Put this aircast on for a few days and here’s a prescription for some anti-inflammatorys and pain killers.”

My favorite part about the x-rays was when the technician threw the heavy lead blanket over my crotch. I felt really good about medical technology at that moment and half expected her to wink at me and say, “For the kids.” She was a fairly old woman, but very nice. She walked me all the way back to the examination room.

So far, this story has me spending the majority of the past two days in bed with my ankle elevated. I haven’t gone to work. Not that I could drive myself even if I wanted to. But it’s really weird, as much as I’d like to wake up at 6 a.m. and head out to a day of misery and boredom at work, I haven’t really missed it the last two days. Who saw that coming?

I am also forced to officially acknowledge Softball as the devil’s game as it has wrecked my shoulder, torn my hamstring and now severely sprained my ankle all in the span of a few months. 2005 has not been a good year for my softball career. I’m out for at least a week or two with this one… probably longer. But knowing me, it will be shorter, then re-injured and consequently longer. I seem to have very selective learning.

Tomorrow I head back to work, fully hoping that the drugs make me all kinds of drowsy and I sleep through half the day at work. Here’s to drooling on my keyboard!!

33 comments:

cadiz12 said...

man, that sucks. and i had you pegged for the allstar game this year. good luck with the recovery.

btw, what's wrong with the WNBA?

Edna B said...

I love lead aprons. Particularly around the crotch. Great for barbeques.

Radioactive Jam said...

Jon, I was going to commiserate with you on the damaged left ankle - I ripped mine playing flag football - but I've been totally sidetracked by the preceding lead apron / crotch / barbecue comment.

Even after expending a prodigious amount of mental energy I find "I have no response to that."

jazz said...

careful with the pain meds.

that shit fucks me up!

Glo said...

Wha?! Since when have I seen such language?! I nearly got fired for even loading this stuff....honestly, man, I understand pain, but try and control yourself...there are *kids* on the Internet today!

omar said...

Wait, the left ankle? Son of a...

I had two grand on a right ankle or left hamstring injury. Thanks, jon. At least you scored. That would have really sucked otherwise.

(Seriously, good luck in recovery. Ankle injuries suck.)

Syar said...

I have nothing to say. not to say that I wasn't laughing like mad until I disclocated my jaw (yes, its possible) eliciting a "Glitter is the best movie I've ever seen!" and several incensed gasps. (not to mention a black eye, torn ligaments and a pencil stuck in my calf. I'd mention this swelling bruised lump on my arm, but I don't know what it is.) The consequences of bad language.

Jon said...

Cadiz: I fully intend to be back for the all-star game. My rate of recovery has astonished even me.

And there’s nothing wrong with the WNBA… if you live for breakaway layups… (is anyone else snickering right now?)

Edna B: I hear lead aprons are making a comeback, that’s why I want to be ahead of the trends. I’ll be wearing new pink one with purple lace to the office Christmas party… everyone is going to be so jealous…

RJ: It’s ok, I had a response to that. Just follow my lead. Sucks that you hurt yourself too, but at least you didn’t hurt it playing online backgammon… that would just be embarrassing. (of course, I’m also assuming you didn’t pull a Bill Gramatica either… please don’t tell me you pulled a Bill Gramatica…)

Jazz: I’m always careful with the pain meds. As soon as I can get rid of them I will. They are also anti inflammatories, which is pretty much the only reason I’m taking them. The pain has been fairly negligible, save for the obscenities…

Glo: I understand you Mormons have fairly sensitive ears. I apologize. I really should have put a warning at the top prefacing the vulgarities that would ensue. I should have been thinking about the kids.

Omar: I’ll bet some people think you have a gambling problem. I’m not one of them.

If I hadn’t scored, I would have been unbelievably upset with myself. The game always comes first.

Syar: well, for nothing, that sure was something. I didn’t even know someone as young as yourself would be capable of such vulgar language. **** hold on… I just threw up…ok. I continue now.**** I have to say, I’m a little concerned with your reactions to my posts. I certainly don’t want to be responsible for injuring such a promising young talent. Please wear the proper protective equipment in the future when reading my posts. And thank you for your support :)

Glo said...

I warned you, Jon. Syar was such an innocent thing before your post corrupted her. ;)

Guyana-Gyal said...

Ay yai yai, I hope your ankle heals soon!

Once, a kid in Miami crashed into my left ankle with a shopping trolley. Turned pink, blue, purple, green, yellow...took ages to heal because I have doctor phobia.


Hope you get better quickly.

omar said...

$50 says I can beat up anyone who claims I have a gambling problem.

Glo said...

*lays down cash while laughing*

cadiz12 said...

wasn't bill gramatica the kicker from a family of kickers who injured himself while CELEBRATING a kick? yeah, maybe this whole sliding-into-home thing was just a coverup story. not that you'd lie, jon, but i'm just saying...

Syar said...

*smiles at jon and glo* **notice the three missing teeth** ***and fat lip***

innocent, young thing, Glo? No more, I say. No more. ;-)

I'm wearing Kevlar as I type this Jon. Thanks for the warning. *gives you an index finger up, because my thumb is mysteriously...missing*

Guyana-Gyal said...

Are you better now?

Jon said...

I don’t know that I’m better, but I’m definitely getting there. Thanks :) I can walk pretty normal now and I’m off the meds. I’ll be playing softball tonight… if that’s any indication. I’ll be pitching and if I get on base, I will have a runner, but I should be alright. I played in a softball game on Monday too. Only a week after. I wasn’t going to play, but some people didn’t show up, so they only had 8 and I wasn’t going to just sit there and watch them get creamed, so I played catcher and everything worked out. It was our first non-loss of the season too!

cadiz12 said...

that is it. mr JIVE, if you can play softball on your bad ankle, i'm pretty sure you can use your working fingers and post something new. very shady.

Edna B said...

exactly cadiz. Why are we waiting?

omar said...

Jon, usually I've been on your side when it comes to people ganging up against you. This time, however, I've got to side with the mob.

Mob, I'll bring my shovel and a torch. Let me know if I'll need anything else.

cadiz12 said...

sounds good, omar. i've got my pitchfork. not sure what i'm going to do with it, but it sure makes me look hella menacing.

Edna B said...

I'll bring the sledgehammer (think Misery with Kathy Bates), maybe he will post when he can't walk.

omar said...

For the record, jon, I was just planning on sitting outside your house chanting taunts while looking menacing. I had no intent to maim.

cadiz12 said...

perhaps the fingers are already out of commission? maybe he's been trying to fall up the stairs again? i haven't even seen him on op.net lately.

i think an annoying song would do the trick just as well as maiming. omar, you've got skills and lots of baby toys around for inspiration? got any little ditties lying around?

Jon said...

I don’t know if this means anything to anyone, but I run Windows xP on my computer at home here, and I recently upgraded/replaced my motherboard. I wasn’t entirely aware of what that entailed. I am now.

omar said...

Ok, ok. I'm back on your side now. I did mine last year, and Microsoft gave me a very hard time when I had to call to reactivate XP. I mean, I expected them to be nothing but nice.

Jon said...

Not only that, but this was not my first time replacing a motherboard, so I didn’t take all the necessary xP precautions. Let me just say that Microsoft was not giving me a whole lot of reasons to stick around this past weekend. I wound up having to do a complete reinstall, and if it hadn’t been for Linux, I would have lost all my emails and a few other important things I had on that drive. I keep the bulk of my info on a secondary storage drive and boy was I glad about that. Fortunately I also have a DVD burner, so that 3.7 gigs of stuff I needed to save was easily transferred onto a blank DVD.

All I know is that prior to this weekend, Linux was just something I was going to toy with, but now I’m thinking a lot more seriously about it. I could probably survive on it right now if I had to, but I wouldn’t feel nearly as confident as I’d like. We’ll see though, the plan is to throw together a spare parts machine for it. It’ll have a 1.2 GhZ processor with 512 MB of RAM and a 160 gig HD. Not the worst spare parts machine in the world… no, that honor belongs to my father, who is rocking the x286 with 8MB of RAM and a 40 MB HD. I like to race him with my abacus…

cadiz12 said...

yeah, yeah, technical mumbojumbo, yeah. but you're okay now, right?

commence with the ditty, omar...

A said...

Hi!

Syar said...

your comments have doubled since the last time I was here.

and yet...new post? no? not even a little preview? nothing? no?

cadiz12 said...

i think he does this on purpose to piss us off, syar.

and as much as i try to ignore it, the nagging idea that *maybe* there's something new keeps me coming back here all the time.

Syar said...

I think you're right, cadiz. on both counts. keep it fresh enough to keep em coming back, but restrain from giving more so THEY KEEP COMING BACK. Genius. twisted, but genius.

omar said...

Jon, we're pushing a month here with no new posts! A MONTH!

cadiz12 said...

no shit. don't let the pressure get to you, jon. just post a sentence about how you're ALIVE. throw a blogger a bone, dude.