New plan

In light of the current economic state, the pending holiday and the bitter cold climate of Chicago, I've developed a new plan.  I need heat, but I don't want to pay for it.  You know what produces heat?  Burning coal.  You know who is the greatest coal distributor in the world?  That's right, Santa.  Not a lot of people know this, but whether you celebrate Christmas or not, Santa comes to your house.  If you don't celebrate Christmas, you get coal.  Think about it  Christmas non-celebrators, how else can you explain your yearly delivery of coal on December 25th?  Unfortunately, I do celebrate Christmas, so there's no automatic delivery of coal, but there is a loophole in the system.  According to the rules, if I'm naughty, I'll get coal.  With that in mind, I introduce you to the new me:

I call him "Dastardly Jon" for fairly obvious reasons.  As you can see, I've forgone the usual dastardly mustache in favor of the less common and entirely under appreciated dastardly eyebrows.  Bring it Santa.  I look forward to a warm winter.  Muahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah (deep breath) hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...