Monday, November 03, 2008

Late to work

I do not envy morons.  Simps, if you will.  They have it a lot harder than people realize.  I know what you're thinking, you're thinking, "Jon, how can you not envy the life of a simpleton?  They can screw up repeatedly without consequence because everyone knows they will and practically expects it.  How could life be any better than that?"  That is a sound argument.  Normally, I'd agree with you, but then, just as I do every once in awhile, I was reminded of exactly why I need to have some shred of intelligence inside my brain.

I woke up this morning fairly refreshed due to the time change.  You would think that in and of itself would be enough to make sure my faculties were in order, but such was not the case.  I left the house this morning without my ID.  I need my ID to get in and out of the building where I work.  It's only important if I want to get paid, but nevertheless, it should have warranted my remembering.  I was half way to work when I realized this, so I performed the moronic, about face turn in the middle of the block that probably makes me look like a crazy man.  As I neared my residence, I reached for my keys; Guess what else I forgot?  That's right, my pants*.

In retrospect, I should have realized this sooner since nearly everyone I passed on the street said things to me like, "Hey buddy, forget something this morning?" or, "How come you aren't wearing any pants?"  I just kept responding with, "Nice day, isn't it?" and smiling.  Truth be told, it probably was a nice enough day not to wear pants, so I can't really fault anyone for not pressing the issue further.  But the part that really makes me feel dumb is that I walk past a row of 7 consecutive buildings that all have mirrored windows at street level.  Worse yet, I constantly look at myself in those mirrored windows because I'm incredibly vain.  If only my eyes weren't so damn alluring.

I hate learning the hard way.  I'm hugely in favor of easy learning.  I plan on making that my platform when I run for king of the world.  "No more learning the hard way!  From now on, I promise all learning will be conducted the easy way!!"  I imagine that will be followed by rampant cheering.  I'm going to start working on posters for that now.

Oh, and by the way, Joe Biden and Barack Obama are staying at hotels located on either side of our building, so they're probably going to bug me about having dinner with them tonight.  Seriously guys, a little notice would be nice.

*A giant THANK YOU goes out to my girlfriend who lovingly came downstairs with my ID and pants so I didn't have to once again suffer the indignity of asking the front desk let me into my apartment because I forgot my pants.


Madelyn said...

I forget my pants all the time, maybe it runs in the family.

Lia said...

Forgetting important things like IDs, keys, or pants is not necessarily related to intelligence.

Take that how you want to.

cadiz12 said...

nothing can mess up a perfectly great day like looking down and realizing you've left your pants at home.

nice save.