Where is he now?

I have been out of work for approximately 2 months now. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been working, just not for anyone else or for any money. I’m actually quite surprised at how little time I have, given that I’m not longer sacrificing 10 hours a day, five days a week to do what someone else wants me to. In some ways, I’ve benefited greatly from my endeavors. Some long time readers may know a little about my obsession with MythTV, the open source, homebrew version of Tivo. I’ve finally perfected my system. I currently watch TV on my projector, which provides me with a 50 inch, High Definition screen. I can record shows in HD, the watch them later sans commercials. It’s a free setup, so I’m not paying any monthly fees or anything. And thanks to BitTorrent, I’m not even restricted to just OTA network channels. I just watched the first season of Dexter. It is a truly glorious mini home theater that I’ve set up for a nominal cost.

Amazingly glorious home theaters aside, I’ve also been getting more involved in improvising. Not so much like the marines, more like the opposite of the marines. I’ve been taking classes at UCB (The Upright Citizen’s Brigade). It’s been going pretty well. I’ve made some new friends and also had the chance to publicly embarrass myself on stage a few times. You really can’t pass up those opportunities when they’re presented to you. But the deeper I get into the classes the more I worry. In order to be good at improv, you need to be quick witted and intelligent. These are qualities that I once thought I possessed, but as the years go by, I’m starting to question the level of intelligence that I have.

It’s become apparent to me that I’m more easily amused now than ever before. I find that almost any show on television captivates me. I can’t stop watching Chuck, Big Bang Theory and Cavemen. How did this happen? I called in the team to do some research.

After two solid weeks of pouring over the transcripts of my day to day activities, (I have three full time stenographers operating on rotating shifts to record all my words and actions. I talk in my sleep otherwise I’d only have two, but not a word can be lost. I’m certain historians will find all my utterances, conscious or not, of the utmost and supreme importance to all future generations. Plus, it really keeps the peace when arguing with friends and family about what I did or did not say after drinking entirely too much Gatorade.) my research team has singled out the deepest and most profound thought I’ve had since I was terminated. It came during one of my many sleeping rants on the morning of August 22, 2007 at 3:22 AM. Mere days after I was officially let go by the company. It is as follows:

“Soft taco supremes are really just poorly wrapped burrito supremes.”

That’s it. It’s been all down hill since then. I’m talking a 14% grade down hill. Yesterday I found myself asking the cat for advice on how to properly invest my socks (no, not stocks, socks. Not a typo.). I don’t even know what that means.