Monday, June 19, 2006

What I can’t describe

I have some shocking news to report. You’re going to want to sit down for this. I may be jumping the gun here, but the preliminary reports are in, and if things stay the way the reports indicate, it would appear as though my readership is down. I know, I’m shocked too. Once I verify that this information is indeed true, I’ll have to order a full 100 member task force to investigate exactly how and why this might have occurred. It’s utterly baffling.

Some time ago, I was tagged with a meme by SNJ HOF member Cadiz. As it is written in the Shuck N Jive Constitution Page 4, Paragraph 4, Item 4, Line 4. Edict 4.4: “When in the course of blogging, should a meme be issued by any member of the most glorious and exclusive Shuck N Jive Hall of Fame ©®, said meme shall be ignored for a period of no longer than 20 months before it’s completion. Said meme’s completion is also mandatory under the August 14th proclamation of 1978 which states: “All meme challenges issued on behalf of any blogger whose name starts with the letter “C” and ends with a number and is a member of the Hall must be completed, even if that means doing so begrudgingly.””

As you can see, my hands are pretty much tied. I’m required to complete the meme tag issued to me by Cadiz. You may also note and praise me for attending to this meme long before my 20 month grace period is up. Also note that I am not doing so begrudgingly, that was just some legal mumbo jumbo to ensure the letter of the law as well as the spirit of the law remained intact. It’s an odd law to be sure. In fact, I was only recently made aware of it by our research department after I inadvertently spilled 6 gallons of ketchup on the research department’s jeans. I assume this is some sort of crude attempt to get back at me, but the jokes on them because I don’t mind doing this meme. In fact, I had slated it for mid July anyway. I swear though, sometimes, the research department just needs to get a life. Granted, they were white jeans, but seriously research department, let it go. Those jeans didn’t look good on you anyway.

But I digress… on to my 10 simple pleasures. These come in an order so amazingly specific, not even I can figure it out. To the uneducated, it might look like this was just the order that they popped into my head, but that would just be too easy. No, this order was predetermined several thousand years before I was born. I’m sure of that.

1. Gagné in the ninth. I have had the pleasure of being inside Dodger Stadium when Eric has jogged in from the bullpen with the good guys up by 3 runs or less at the end of the game. Welcome to the jungle.

2. The 4th gear shift. This doesn’t happen as often as I’d like, but sometimes, I’ll be accelerating, and I’ll drop down from 3rd to 4th gear, and it will be so silky smooth on and off the clutch that I can’t help but smile.

3. Sneezing. It’s just a nice little release. And as much as sneezing for 30 straight minutes puts me into a state of euphoria rarely matched in any other way, no one sitting around me seems to share in my delight… (sigh)

4. Highway One. Particularly when driving through Malibu on a nice clear day, with the windows rolled down and the music up loud.

5. Watching two of my favorite teams play at the same time. And by that I mean, watching teams in different sports play at the same time on two or three TVs right next to each other.

6. A Double Double with spread and tomato only and an order of fries with a side of spread from In N Out. For those of you not in California and select parts of Nevada and Arizona, I apologize.

7. Wireless keyboard and mouse. Well, pretty much anything that traditionally has a wire, if you remove it, I like it a lot more. But my keyboard and mouse have been quite handy in the wireless area. Nothing used to bug me more than having my mouse cord get hung up on something and make it hard to move. USED to bug me…

8. Gatorade Tropical Intenso. It’s delicious.

9. Turbulence on an airplane. I think I may be somewhat alone on this one, but I enjoy turbulence when I fly. The pilot is always spouting some nonsense about how he is going to fly around it and I’m like, “No, fly right through the heart of it!! Maybe circle back around and hit it again?”

10. The Transplant’s “What I can’t Describe” as my ring tone. Mainly because of who it’s assigned to. Although it is a great song to boot.

And there you have it. Meme complete. I plan to tag everyone else in the universe that hasn’t done this yet, so give me some time to research and compile that list. I should have it ready by 2367.


cadiz12 said...

turbulence is kind of exciting as long as it isn't followed by a fiery crash.

were those white jeans bedazzled? because that would be pretty fugly.

and damn fine edict in your constitution, may i add.

yay for tag responses!

omar said...

I'm not trying to influence your 100 person task force, but I think the reason for the fall in readership is clear: rising oil prices. Follow me, for a moment.

I'm sitting in my computer room after a hard day at work. I'm going through my regular blogs, and I make it to the ol' Shuck N Jive. Suddenly, I'm hit with an immense craving for Cheetos. I may get through a paragraph or two, but the Cheeto craving overcomes me. I go down to the kitchen, where we have no Cheetos. I say, "Wife! Where are the Cheetos?!"

She'll say, "we haven't had Cheetos in our house in the almost 5 years we've been married."

I'll say, "why not?"

"Because they're gross."

Ignoring her last statement, I'll drive to the store and get a bag of Cheetos. I'll snack on them on the way home, quite possibly finishing the entire bag before making it back to the driveway. I leave my cheesy fingerprints all along the way as I make my way back up the the computer room. As I get into a few more paragraphs in, the thirst kicks in. What to drink? Of course! Orange soda. Back to the store.

Do you see how it adds up? Times are tough, Jon, and I simply can't afford to read your site and make multiple trips to the store on a daily basis anymore.

I was going to comment on the rest of the post, but man, I'm out of breath. Gonna go grab me some orange Gatorade.

girlspit said...

I love turbulence. It makes my tummy do flip-flops.

I have to disagree with the sneezing, though. Maybe because I can't stop and my eyes are practically swollen shut. Yay pollen.

Glad to see you're back.

cadiz12 said...

funny how a stop at 'do they read obituaries in hell?' doesn't make you crave some yummy leafy greens, eh omar?

Syar said...

why were you holding 6 gallons of ketchup? wait, this is jon's blog right? I guess I should be asking, where was the mustard?

3. I would further demonstarte my "memory-is-a-steel-trap" abilities (as I'm always compelled to do here at the shuck n jive. you set lasting expectations, jon) and quote that post you wrote about sneezing, but I'm kinda lazy.

to help you with your list : I've done the meme. so cross me off.

Katie said...

Now I really wish I had a manual. Vehicle, I mean. For the gear shift. ::sigh::

jazz said...

i am sooo soo with you on the sneezing. i love them. love love them.

Jon said...

Cadiz: I agree with you up to a point. I’m not entirely convinced that a fiery crash wouldn’t be cool too. But a fiery crash followed by my untimely death? Now that would not be so cool. A fiery crash that I walk away from unscathed? I’d like to have a go at that.

Omar: I hear what you’re saying and I’m contacting Cheetos, Sunkist and Gatorade about possible sponsorships. Should things go according to plan, I will be holding contests in the near future that will offer gas cards to the winners. I’ll also step up my support of the “Cheetos are not gross!!” campaign as it is obviously not finding the right audience, i.e. the “Cheetos are gross!!” constituents.

Girlspit: Sneezes due to allergies do not count. They are not unexpected surprises in the middle of an otherwise dreary day. They are often accompanied by the symptoms you listed and I don’t enjoy those either. Swollen shut eyes have never been a favorite of mine. Neither has constant snot pouring out of your nose, which is what happens when my allergies act up.

Cadiz: No leafy greens. Green apple Jolly Rangers? Perhaps…

Syar: When am I ever NOT holding six gallons of ketchup?? And the mustard was where it always is, in my back pocket.

I am a world class sneezer, this is correct.

You are officially of the list, however, I can’t guarantee that you won’t continue to get junk mail regarding the exciting opportunities in meme technology.

Katie: Stop wishing and start dreaming! Wait… that doesn’t really help, does it? Well, maybe wait for someone to leave the keys in their car and then go have a little fun. Don’t steal the car, just borrow it. We don’t condone stealing here at the SNJ, but we heavily advocate borrowing for undisclosed periods of time.

Jazz: Sneezes are really underrated. The problem is that most people try to hold them in. This is a mistake. You really have to let them fly, otherwise you can’t truly enjoy it. But please everyone, sneeze responsibly. Cover your mouth.

Radioactive Jam said...

So... did you change your profile pic, or did someone hijack the ninja? And I gotta say, that penguin looks familiar.

Strangest thing though-- when I stare at the penguin and think about why it looks familiar - you know, like try to remember - the normally low-level ringing in my ears ramps up to this loud, almost roaring sound. Not a lion-tiger roar, more like... a waterfall. Or possibly a freight train. Moving, of course. Otherwise what's to hear, right?

Lianne said...

Wow... you know a Dodger fan with a BA in English is a pretty smart guy... and someone who appreciates the PCH is also pretty good in my book.

Jon said...

Jam: You don’t know that penguin. He’s a quiet fellow that just wants to rent out a room.

Lianne: I’m under the vague impression that you may be talking about me. If that’s the case, then thank you :) however, if it’s just a strange coincidence, then let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything and move on with our lives.

Radioactive Jam said...

For some reason your explanation reminds of a short movie titled "The Wrong Trousers."