Thursday, February 23, 2006

It’s that time again

Well, the mega millions is back up to a serviceable amount of 203 million dollars. Seed money for the potential purchase of a professional sports franchise… That’s what I would do with it anyway. I find that simply being a fan isn’t enough any more, I really need to get out on the court and be shoved by officials, just like Mark Cuban. His personality is a bit hard to deal with, but at the end of the day, he’s a pretty good owner. Just don’t tell him that all he’s been able to do is build a team that can only win in the regular season. Don’t let on that they are horrifically built to win a seven game series against anyone… I wonder if Mark Cuban would still consider paying off all of my debt right now after I made that comment? Maybe if I told him that I agreed about the NBA officiating and how terrible it is… I can write a whole post about it and everything. He gets fined if he says it, but I can say whatever I feel like because I’m not under the control of the NBA… then instead of getting fined $100,000 by them, he could just pay my debt off at a cost of half the fine… this sounds almost too easy… Mark Cuban… What a guy!!

Anyway, there’s finally enough money back in the old mega to make me raise an eyebrow. Well, both eyebrows really, I can’t control them individually very well. I’m a little better with my right than my left. I can almost get just the right to go up, but if I try to do anything with the left, the right follows, not unlike a loyal little puppy.

I was not eligible for the power ball that was won earlier this week. That reached a very nice 363 million. Of course, 8 people had to split it, and after taxes it came out to something ridiculously mundane like 15 million per. At that point, you’d seriously have to ask yourself, “Why did I even join that stupid office pool in the first place? Now I only get 15 mil? Lame…”

This is now the question presented to me: Should I join OUR office pool? There’s already 20 people in it, chipping in $2 a piece. Do I really want to split 203 million with 20 other people? That’s only like 2 million a person… If I wanted that, I could just go beg in the streets… I can’t imagine that your average pan handler makes anything less than 2.6 million dollars a year. Is that what I want? Less money than a pan handler? Hardly seems worth it when you take the time to break it down properly.

The eternal optimist that’s leading this office charge to win the mega millions took the time to inform everyone that last nights California Lottery winner bought their ticket in Canoga Park, which is a city approximately 15 minutes from where we are. He pointed out that this means we definitely have a very good chance to win the mega millions, what with all the good lightning striking in the area… I think I could actually make more money by charging people to come stand in line for the chance to punch that optimist in the face.
Of course, I do have a secret weapon. Something that makes the drawing both unfair and totally unnecessary. I have lucky numbers.


omar said...

I don't like your chances, but it's nothing against you. It's just because I've invested $2 in tonight's drawing, and I don't play to lose.

I don't play to lose.

cadiz12 said...

any numbers you get from fortune cookies are solid, no doubt.

i joined my office pool for that $363 mil. too bad we didn't win; there were only 6 people in mine. it may not be enough for your average panhandler, but think i could do a fair amount of damage with a couple million.

Radioactive Jam said...

Buy double tickets in the office pool. That way even if you're barely ahead of apprentice pan-handlers, your coworkers will gnash their teeth in envy when you get twice as much as the rest of them.

With any luck they'll also realize your second portion effectively *reduced* each of their winnings. If they're not smart enough to figure that out, you can explain it to them.


Glo said...

Oh my gosh. I so totally deserve that rename. I don't know when it happened, but it's about the funniest thing I've ever seen. Way to go man.

Jon said...

Omar: I don’t play to lose either, which is why I believe nobody won on Friday. If only one of us had backed down… I had only played $1 though, so I’m surprised the odds weren’t dramatically pushed in your favor… very curious… of course now, it’s up to $256 million. A very reasonable chunk of change… I hope they don’t pay it in change… Anyway, if you’re playing again tonight, good luck, because I may not get to the store in time to purchase my ticket…

Cadiz: Yes, I’ve won several dozen lotteries with fortune cookie powered tickets. I cannot argue that strategy.

Too bad you didn’t win the powerball, seems like there would have been a good amount of money there too, but if you had to share it with 6 people… well, don’t quite your day job, that’s all I’m saying. Or at least take up panhandling…

R.J.: Double office tickets, eh? I think I would take great pleasure in informing everyone that due to my superior investing skills, I was able to win more than anyone else that participated in the same pool… I let them all know on an hourly basis what a genius I am, so taking this oportunity to provide them with concrete evidence in the way of cold hard cash is nowhere near beneath me. I’ll probably make them all feel so inept that they will just give me their money too because they will decide that they aren’t smart enough to handle it anyway. I am a world renowned last laugher, you know that?

Glo: By gum, it’s been awhile! Yeah, the name change happened about a month ago or so… I don’t really remember, it could have been 3 months ago, or it might have been last Thursday, I really need to stop drinking. Either way, it’s not really inteded to be mean, I just call them as I see them. I’d be the bedwetter ninja, but you can’t really link yourself, can you?