Sunday, April 29, 2007

Things that keep me up at night…

Everyone has fears. Things they don’t like to talk or even think about. These unmentionable fears never stray far from the consciousness of the people they inflict. They are constantly circling in the background, waiting to pop up on a moments notice and ruin the day. I have such a fear.

I fear that there will come a day when I will encounter an individual who will turn down free cake in the workplace.

I know. It’s chilling.

It’s hard for most people to even imagine a world in which a person might not want a piece of cake, let alone turn down a direct offer for said cake. What kind of horrific childhood must an individual endure that would make them decline a piece of free cake? Did a birthday party go wrong? Was there a tragic, cake mishap? And most importantly, was there a clown with running make-up involved? These are questions that I could never begin to answer or even contemplate for that matter. There is no doubt that the human mind is capable of many a wonderful thing, but my imagination simply does not stretch far enough to fathom such an utterly ridiculous concept. It’s cake and it’s free. How could that ever be a bad thing?

This post is not about fears becoming reality. No, this post is about the strengthening of the human spirit. It is an uplifting tale that I have chosen to share on the internet for all the world to see. I won’t be the least bit surprised to see my stat counter go up approximately one billion hits within 24 hours of posting this. I imagine there are countless numbers of individuals currently performing google searches, looking for a reason to go on living. I’ve got that right here. I’ve got a reason for everyone to hold on for one more day so that things can go their way.

In my department, there are 10 employees, myself included. In this month of April, 6 of those employees had birthdays. An unusually high number I would say. The powers that be decided we wouldn’t waste too much valuable company time and would devote just one day to cake for all of them. I’m sure they all felt very special. It must have been really cool to stand there with five other people while four non-birthday people serenade you with a mostly out of tune version of “Happy Birthday.” I’m getting goose bumps just thinking about it.

After the awkward singing, it was cake time. I had just come back from picking up my lunch and was about to eat when the cake and singing was thrust upon me. I was happy to join in on the singing, but once that was taken care of, I set about eating my lunch. The next one minute and 13 seconds boosted my spirit and strengthened my hope for all mankind. Not one, not two, but all nine of my fellow department employees made it their immediate goal to make sure that I had a piece of cake. I know now what kind of people I am surrounded by, and that makes my life a little easier.

For somewhere around nine hours a day, I can rest easy knowing that there are nine other people around me that come hell or high water will make sure that no one in our immediate vicinity will go cake-less. No matter what the circumstances are, you can bet that if there’s cake in the area, it will be thrust upon everyone, willing or not. Peer pressure has never been this positive.


Radioactive Jam said...

Be afraid. Be very afraid. My last two jobs? No less than two people each refused. Cake. At each and every birthday celebration, including their own.

It gets worse.

Three words: ice cream cake.

Of course it's up to you to decide whether it's worse because ice cream cake is BAD, or because refusing to eat ice cream cake is worse i.e. more incomprehensible than refusing to eat "cake" cake.

Possibly both.

cadiz12 said...

so what are you saying, YOU DIDN'T WANT TO EAT CAKE? what kind of disgusting human being ARE you?

nice wilson phillips reference, btw.

The Bunt said...

there is no harm in turning down Cake i know it is free and all but It could have been worse such as you could have been like Milton and wanted the cake and simply got turned down because there wasn't even enough to go around i think i would have beef with that.

omar said...

I'm one of those who will chastise those who don't take advantage of free treats. Someone buys doughnuts around here at least once every week or two, and there are people every week who will say, "no thanks." As if that's an option? I don't even understand it. "I didn't ask you 'yes' or 'no,' I asked you which kind of doughnut you wanted!!"

Jon said...

It's like they think they're better than us...

Syar said...

I've had that happen to me. First day of work, I buy donuts, cause I think the senior ppl don't like me (I was delusional, they were busy, I mean, how can anyone NOT like me) and everyone but a friend refused.

It wasn't just the donuts and common sense and mankind's brotherhood and sisterhood they rejected, but ME.

It was a sad day.

But I got 4 extra donuts, so it wasn't THAT bad.