Shuck N Jive

Cue the Celebration!

2011-11-30T22:23:00.001-06:00

I really thought I was going to try on the last day, but I can't think of anything and I need to pee.

Congrats to all, specifically Cadiz, Madelyn and Syar for accompanying me on yet another miserable Nablopomo journey!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Stuffing

2011-11-29T21:45:00.001-06:00

I came home to this:

Looks like the cake monster has a new vice. I guess it's my fault though, I did say all I needed to make more stuffing was two loafs of bread nicely torn to pieces...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Seems like only a month ago...

2011-11-28T23:33:00.001-06:00

And yet, does this really surprise anyone?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Mmmmmmm whatcha say

2011-11-27T23:23:00.001-06:00

Maybe I didn't invent this, but I made one tonight:

It's a hot dog with mashed potatoes, mustard, relish, mayo, ketchup, cheese and sour cream.

Also, I have trouble with puffy letter "R's." <-- I have no idea if the punctuation in there is correct.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Learning

2011-11-26T12:25:00.001-06:00

I shaved my head for a number of reasons. One of those was to find out exactly what was happening with my hairline. I have my answer:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Just in case it wasn't clear

2011-11-25T23:56:00.001-06:00

Had dinner with some friends tonight. This is what we learned:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Turkeys playing football

2011-11-24T22:26:00.001-06:00

I'm guessing you can see the problem right now. What play would you call?

I really didn't think this one through.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

No time tonight!!

2011-11-23T23:11:00.001-06:00

I'm too busy experimenting with mini apple pies!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

ok then

2011-11-22T21:30:00.001-06:00

Since my recent trim, I've been called the following:

I don't even know what that last one means, but thanks for the support everyone.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Peru is a dangerous place

2011-11-21T22:19:00.001-06:00

This picture makes a lot more sense if you were in my writing class last night. It's also quite a bit more heartbreaking because you know how the story ends. And I don't even have any pomegranates!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Quick question:

2011-11-20T22:50:00.001-06:00

Is it just me, or does this seem a little twisted?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Head Shaver Secrets

2011-11-19T16:16:00.001-06:00

There are things that nobody tells you before you shave your head. They might tell you if you let them know you were going to shave your head, but that point is moot now.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Experiment over

2011-11-18T23:45:00.001-06:00

So today, I started off looking like this:

Then I looked like this:

Finally, I looked like this:

And if you think that I did this just because I dropped my comb on the bathroom floor right next to the toilet... well, you know me a little too well.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

The follies of youth

2011-11-17T21:06:00.001-06:00

I was much, much younger yesterday than I am today. Upon waking up this morning and looking in the mirror, I realized what I had done. I walked around all day looking like this:

Some people may think that it's because my nose was itchy, or that I was in some serious thinking mode and should not be disturbed. Most people probably just thought that I was trying to avoid work. While they may never know the truth, I will. Next time I won't be so careless with my hair. Next time I'll remember no to make that shaved strip so darn narrow. I look like an idiot.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Testing phase

2011-11-16T21:31:00.001-06:00

Suffice to say, we're working on some pretty important stuff here at the Shuck N' Jive.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

With great freedom comes almost no responsibility.

2011-11-15T22:31:00.001-06:00

Since I traded away my dish doing for a few days, I've become pretty cavalier with my eating habits. Take today's dish tally for my dinner:

I had Samosas for dinner. I ate them with my hands. That is to say, I used my hands to put the Samosas in my mouth, not that my hands were also ingested with dinner. They were delicious. Again, the Samosas, not the hands.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

I trimmed my beard today.

2011-11-14T22:17:00.001-06:00

I know. Exciting stuff. But I was almost at a level 10. That's not ok unless you're going after a level 20 or higher:

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Pie Chart time!

2011-11-13T22:12:00.001-06:00

This is pretty self explanatory, but for those that don't quite get it, this is my monthly goal:

So far, I give my self an A special gold start plus!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Leveling up

2011-11-12T22:07:00.001-06:00

I've decided it's time to take my archery to the next level. I can't just keep going to the range to find targets, I need to hunt them in the wild, where I'll need my wits and keen vision to track down and nail a four, or maybe a five ringer right in the bullseye. You know, before they get me first.

As you can see, on a day like today, it'll take all the training I've self taught myself (?) if I hope to come out of this alive. You may have noticed that I've only got two arrows in my quiver. One is for the kill shot. The other is to split the arrow that delivered the kill just to prove it wasn't a lucky shot. The hat is obviously ugly, but I needed something to keep the hair out of my eyes. It's getting way too long up front. And the last thing anyone wants to hear when you come home empty handed is some lame excuse about how you had the target right in your sights, but a slight breeze blew your unnecessarily long hair into your eyes and you missed. I've heard way too many drunken hunting stories that ended with the old slight breeze hair in my eyes routine. I won't be one of them.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

In our house, we barter.

2011-11-11T22:26:00.001-06:00

Today, these two things are worth the same amount.

Madelyn wanted me to build her a dresser that we bought from Ikea a week or two ago. In exchange, she offered to take one of my dishes shifts. The jokes on her though because it took me 45 minutes to build the dresser, where as the dishes usually only take about half that! Nobody tell her what a sucker she is, ok?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Ever had an MRI?

2011-11-10T22:27:00.001-06:00

Yeah, neither had I until today. It's pretty interesting what they can do with magnets these days. If you'd like to know what it's like, but don't have the money, look at the picture below and follow these instructions:

1. Hold the picture about 5 inches away from your face.
2. Rent a jackhammer and have a friend break up concrete about 3 feet away from your ears.
3. Do not move. At all. For 2 hours.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad 2, the best sequel ever.

Guess who's out of ideas?

2011-11-09T21:36:00.000-06:00

This guy.

But apparently I've put on a little weight. Except perhaps in my right thigh. That's always been a problem area for me when it comes to weight gain. Kinda throws off my whole look, plus there's that whole problem of finding pants that fit right. Ugh, what a nightmare.

I used two 28 cent stamps on this one...

2011-11-08T23:00:00.000-06:00

You're not going to believe this, but I only used one tool in my massive drawing arsenal to complete this one:

Isn't it crazy how much it looks like me? Like a real human being?

Hippie Hair

2011-11-07T21:43:00.000-06:00

My hair is getting uncomfortably long. It's pretty much only good for one thing now:

Further proof:

I don't even have a fan on me right now...

The end of week one...

2011-11-06T15:19:00.000-06:00

...with my iPad. It occurs to me now that I basically just tolerated life up to this point.

Also, I need a haircut.

Blasted from the past...

2011-11-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, this one comes to you from over a decade ago. I picked this up today while rummaging through some old stuff. I don't even really remember writing it, but it is unmistakeably my handwriting. It's interesting to look at it now and try and figure out what was going through my head at the time. Well, that's not totally accurate. I believe it will be quite obvious what was going through my head at the time. That's all I'll say for now. Meet me after early 20's Jon's notebook scribblings:

Person 1: Where is everyone?

Person 2: Gone. Spring Break.

Person 1: So there's no one on campus?

Person 2: I wouldn't call the people that work here nobodies.

Person 1: That's not what I meant. I mean there aren't any students on campus.

Person 2: I'm a student and I'm on campus.

Person 1: Besides you.

Person 2: No. It's pretty much just me.

Person 1: So let me get this straight, there are no other students on campus, but you're here working the desk at the student center?

Person 2: That's correct.

Person 1: Why?

Person 2: That's a good question. One I'm not willing to ask myself because they might realize that I don't need to be here. And if I don't need to be here, they don't need to pay me. And I need to get paid, so I remain quiet about the whole thing and I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand SCENE!!!

OK, mid 30's Jon here again. So, what was that all about? I know some people have conversations with themselves, but how many people write them down? Thank god I did though, because otherwise I wouldn't have a post today. See you tomorrow!

The Harsh Reality

2011-11-04T22:18:00.000-05:00

We don't live forever. Yesterday's post really got me thinking. Our clothes don't live forever either. There will come a day when my sweatshirt will be no more. This is a day accompanied by my obvious rue. Oh how I will rue that day! But I like to be prepared, so I've thought about what kinds of things I'd like to have on the eventual replacement for my beloved Mr. T Experience Sweatshirt.

Behold:

I might be wrong, but I think I'm taking "pants off impressed" to a whole new level.

I have this thing

2011-11-03T20:59:00.000-05:00

It's a sweater. Sweatshirt to be more specific. It is by far my favorite garment I've ever owned. I bought it while I was in college and felt like treating myself. It came with the new album from one of my favorite bands at the time. (unnecessary side note: I do still listen to that band, but I'm not as into them as I once was. It's cruel what time does to your favorite things.) In the 12 years I've had the privilege of wearing this wonderful hoodie sweatshirt, it has started many conversations with it's "Price is Right" style font and confusing words. "The Mr. T Experience." That's the name of the band. If you're totally into emo punk rock, you might enjoy their work. I recommend their 1997 Album, "Revenge is sweet, and so are you."

This sweatshirt is faded brown in some parts from a few too many days crumpled up in the back seat of my car with the sun beating down on it. The string that runs though the hood has been lost for several years now, but aside from that, it's still in pretty good condition. I live in Chicago now, where a sweatshirt is hardly enough to keep you warm in the winter, so it's often buried under several other layers of more appropriate clothing. I will be absolutely heart broken when I can't wear it any more. Fortunately for me, I have no fashion sense and a willingness to wear even the most tattered and torn garments.

Sorry if this was a little more melancholy than usual, but I've been reading The Hunger Games and they can be a little depressing on many different levels. I hope to finish by the weekend.

This one hasn't been spellchecked.

2011-11-02T21:36:00.000-05:00

So yeah, the wife and I are blogging this whole month of November, or Noviembre as I like to call it. What you might not know is that I purge the contents of my soul onto these digital pages for about ten minutes then call it a night. Not so of my wife. She takes significantly more time than I do. For example, when I started this post, she had already been working on hers for the better part of an hour. I think she's doing research or something. I'm not sure. There's pictures involved, timelines to crosscheck, I think an overseas call was made at one point. She's thorough, she's meticulous, but best of all, she's my wife :)

She's still not done, but as you can see, I am. Will this finally be the year that I totally mail it in? I know, when haven't I mailed it in?

I'll bet you're thinking, "Aren't you doing this on an iPad? Don't you have some sort of drawing apps on there? How did we get this far into the month of November without a picture of some sort?"

You sure do have an inquisitive mind. I'll be answering these questions sometime later this month. For now, just know that the app I use to blog with crashes approximately 2 seconds after it opens. I can't attach pictures through the web interface because I live in the lockdown prison that is the Apple ecosystem. I like to think I asked for the bars to be installed though. I've been promised a fix for the crash bug in the blogpress app, so when the time is write, I will fill your eyes with horrors usually reserved for testing the criminally insane.

What I'm up to these days...

2011-11-01T19:48:00.000-05:00

Archery. Lots and lots of archery. I can't tell you why without giving to much information away, but the ways of bows and arrows and I are engaged in a courtship of sorts. I intend to become quite intimate before all is said and done.

Small side note, did you know that it is generally frowned upon to practice archery in public places? The authorities are even less pleasant with you when you're learning and not very good yet. And they don't play favorites, whether it's a recurve, reflex or longbow, all are considered unacceptable by the police. It's a truly mixed message because they sell them at virtually every sporting goods store and there's no waiting period or warning when purchasing not to use said bow in a public park!

Anyway, that's what ye old shuck n jive author is up to right now. It may not sound that exciting, but you should know that I consider it essential to my survival.

On a completely unrelated note, I'm typing this post on my desktop computer. It occurs to me that I've become very dependent on my iPhone auto-correcting things for me and capitalizing the first letter of every sentence as well as those isolated "I's" I'm so inclined to use when describing myself. There's really not much more to say about that, but I thought you'd like to know.

Lastly, I've started taking a writing class at Second City. I have almost no doubt that over the next month, some of my writing assignments will butcher their way into this blog because I'm lazy and have no other good ideas. Fair warning.

Walter Payton age

2011-10-31T22:00:00.000-05:00

I've finished my 34th trip around the sun. A few interesting things happened this past year. Not much to talk about really. I've got to work tomorrow so I'll keep this short. Check out this years haul of sweet bounty from my loving family:

Oh yeah, they also got me this:

Now of course, it's time for another November of "will-he/won't-he" posting. Good luck to all, readers and writers alike!

The Cake Monster

2011-08-14T22:46:00.000-05:00

I guess that settles that...

2011-07-12T20:51:00.001-05:00

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it gets a little weezy after a run too.

Don't they know?

2011-05-31T23:48:00.000-05:00

I don't do it for the money.

I do it for the snacks.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is risking arrest by posting this.

Land of the free

2011-04-18T19:16:00.000-05:00

I feel like this sends a mixed message. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it Is ambiguously patriotic too.

This just sounds wrong.

2011-04-09T18:35:00.000-05:00

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is properly lubed.

I have nothing but pity in my heart...

2011-03-29T21:22:00.000-05:00

For the child that wants Sheriff Roscoe's Police car as his model to spend hours and hours upon, painstakingly recreating its every last detail.

And to be fair, shouldn't it really be a model of a completely smashed up police car? It occurs to me that the budget for police cars in Hazzard County was inordinately high. I wonder what the carfax on one of those would look like...

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it has insane jumping abilities too.

Yeah yeah yeah, it's been awhile. I get it. I really do.

2011-02-24T18:35:00.001-06:00

This was a pretty intense game. I think it was as much of a nail biter as a game of words with friends can be. You can expect the story of this match to be relayed to our children and subsequent grandchildren.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

This happens all the time...

2011-01-04T12:42:00.001-06:00

I often take pictures with the intention of posting them so that everyone can enjoy my humorous and quirky slant on life. The sad truth is that I only post 1 out if every 7 pictures I take that I intend to post. (a super smart algorithm was used to calculate this highly accurate picture/post ratio) Why the disparity? Probably a lot of laziness, but also because I feel like the moment has passed. My question to you now is, Has the moment passed? I was going to post this a few days ago with the title, "When Pancakes Attack."

Is this still funny? Was it ever funny? Am I over thinking things? Should I just learn to stop worrying and love the bomb? Let me know.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, This probably should have been a poll and not a post.

This is, without a doubt...

2010-12-20T18:59:00.001-06:00

... the best way to eat veggies:

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's better with cheese on it too. I know it doesn't seem like it would be, but it is.

But first...

2010-12-19T16:03:00.000-06:00

One last struggle...

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is ironic.

Uh...

2010-12-08T20:52:00.000-06:00

Really, Syar? Really?

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, rly.

Dear Internet,

2010-12-07T19:57:00.001-06:00

Please fix:

I am now accepting submissions for a new hair style. Thank you and remember, I obviously look like a lot of celebrities, let's make sure none of them are women.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is well manicured.

The future is bulletproof

2010-12-03T15:25:00.000-06:00

So yeah, I painted this with light. It's something I do now. Paint with light.

Also, very obsessed with Dangerous Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys.

Na na na na na na na na na na na na...

Hey... Wait a minute...

2010-12-02T19:05:00.000-06:00

Care to explain this Madelyn?

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's got awesome and additional awesome.

Pahtayto Pohtahtoe

2010-12-01T21:01:00.001-06:00

Seriously though, what's up with the public schools? I feel like a lot of children were left behind.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's curiously stocked too.

What am I going to do tonight?

2010-11-30T20:21:00.000-06:00

The same thing I do every night, try to draw a picture.

Congratulations to Madelyn, Cadiz, Syar and Cofo on completing another NaBloPoMo! I feel like a marathon runner after completing, well, a marathon. You know, if I stopped to walk half the time, maybe ran inside a convenience store or two for some beef jerky along the way and stole some little kids bike to finish the last 2/3rd's of it.

High Fives all around!!!

This is why you should always wait until the day before Christmas to buy presents...

2010-11-29T20:30:00.000-06:00

Not long ago, Cadiz's parents finally decided to join the digital age and had broadband internet access installed directly in their home. I was probably the most excited about this because I get excited about these kinds of things. It's who I am. Things went well at first, but then a virus struck the venerable family computer. Cadiz and her brother decided that a new computer would be the perfect Christmas present. That got me all excited again. We settled on a Mac for several reasons, but the most important involved virus concerns. Macs don't really go on sale so much, so this past weekend provided probably the lowest price we were going to find. And that was all well and good because I had been tasked with prepping the computer with all the necessary software as well as moving over some photos and other media the Cadiz parents might like to have and all of that takes a little time. However, yesterday morning's unannounced parental visit produced this unfortunate picture:

I was so flustered I lost my eyebrows.

Cop Out #1

2010-11-28T21:50:00.001-06:00

Ok, that title is certainly debatable. Almost as debatable as this picture:

-- Post From My iPhone 4 originally.

Self portrait

2010-11-27T23:28:00.001-06:00

I'm sitting in a bar where the music is being cranked to jet airliner engine levels. So obviously I drew a picture of myself.

-- Post From My iPhone 4 with love.

The day after yesterday AKA, Today

2010-11-26T23:10:00.000-06:00

It occurs to me that I don't really have ANY days off... I will now go supply a river with my seemingly unending tears.

Thankstaking

2010-11-25T22:37:00.000-06:00

Ok, who reads that as "Thank Staking" and who reads it as, "Thanks Taking?" They are two very different things.

Hope springs eternal

2010-11-24T22:11:00.000-06:00

I don't know if you knew this or not, but the President of the United States of America pardons a turkey every year. One. Lucky. Turkey.

I don't know how long that pardon is for though. I don't know if it's just for the Thanksgiving weekend or what. Is there a ranch full of Presidentially pardoned turkeys? I. DON'T. KNOW.

Here's a picture. Enjoy the thousand words that are no doubt flooding your mind.

Talking about youth is wasted on the elderly...

2010-11-23T20:25:00.000-06:00

Here at the Shuck N Jive, we strive to give you fair and accurate information in the most muddled and confusing manner possible. Enjoy.

Coming Summer 2032...

2010-11-22T22:49:00.000-06:00

THE LAST "Z" CATCHER...

so yeah, this is going to be based on a true story.

Inception

2010-11-21T21:39:00.000-06:00

This is the best I can do with what I think I know...

Coming Fall of 2016...

2010-11-20T18:43:00.000-06:00

I forget exactly what was said, I just know that the live studio audience was in absolute stitches. I can't wait to see the dailies.

That's the plan anyway…

2010-11-19T19:46:00.000-06:00

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it has a plan too.

They must be very well priced...

2010-11-18T20:43:00.002-06:00

I work with two people that own these:

I was going to post sooner but...

2010-11-17T20:30:00.000-06:00

I couldn't stop eating. This isn't usually a problem for me, but my hands and mouth were running some sort of a worst-case-scenario drill with my stomach. We're all still waiting for the lab to process the data. I'll let you know how my stomach did.

There's been some grumbling lately from fellow NaBloPoMo-ers about not having ideas for posts. I just want to say to everyone out there participating in NaBloPoMo, lower your standards. The Shuck N' Jive hasn't had a decent idea for a post since mid 2005. Just keep swimming.

Never quit, unless you can't win, but even then, don't tell anyone that you're quitting.

2010-11-16T19:55:00.000-06:00

Syar inadvertently issued a challenge to me via twitter. I'm working on it. In the mean time...

Another post about how hard my life is.

2010-11-15T17:14:00.000-06:00

This one is sure to draw sympathy.

Sundays torture me

2010-11-14T19:06:00.000-06:00

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it has nuts too.

There was... a situation.

2010-11-13T21:36:00.000-06:00

Before this falls apart on twitter...

2010-11-12T22:41:00.000-06:00

One of the great mysteries of the universe

2010-11-11T20:12:00.000-06:00

One thing is for certain, I either need to stop sleeping or working and get to the bottom of all this unaccounted for time. I've been searching the internet for hours trying to figure this conundrum out, but so far no luck. I'll let you know how this pans out.

The reports of my headache have been greatly exaggerated.

2010-11-10T19:48:00.000-06:00

Have I had a continuous headache for four days now? Maybe. Three days for sure, but I don't know about today. It's really not that bad. It's so mild in fact, that I keep forgetting that I have it, then I stop whatever it is that I'm doing and I feel it again. It's like when you have a paper cut on your pinky finger and you keep forgetting about it, but then you do something normal without thinking about it and it hits you again. Yeah, it's annoying, but it isn't ruining your speeches to the tax fraud commission.

Also, I know what's causing the headache, and it isn't really a big concern. Observe:

It isn't what you think. The bird isn't pecking at my head. He just has a bit of a death grip on my head with his bird feet. They are unusually large and alarmingly strong. His name is Sunrise (his parents were hippies) and he mostly just hangs out up there. Showers are a little complicated when it comes time to shampoo, but we have a deal. I take a shower and shampoo my hair and he stays put and gets in the way. He's a very savvy negotiator. I got railroaded in the contract. Did you know I have to do his laundry (fluff, fold and iron) and comb his feathers? No wonder he won't leave.

*Bonus frustration post

2010-11-10T15:29:00.000-06:00

Seriously?

Thanks a lot, O2 sensor!

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's eagerly anticipating iOS 4.2.

Next time, I'm just taking it to the shop

2010-11-09T20:17:00.000-06:00

I changed the oil in Cadiz's car today. In order to take the photograph below, I had to chop the car right down the middle. Ha ha, just kidding Cadiz! (seriously though guys, not kidding) I don't think the picture really shows it that well, but I had to actually have a second elbow implanted in my arm in order to reach the oil filter. The only way to get at it is to be directly underneath it. Unfortunately, you can't really see what you're working on and once you get the old filter loose, well, gravity and old oil have a conversation about how best to ruin your clothes.

Also, that second elbow is really helpful when trying to scratch that itch between your shoulder blades. Other than that, you're just a freak with two elbows on one arm.

Enough with the waiting...

2010-11-08T20:13:00.000-06:00

Here's what was inside the box that had me doing the gangbanger shuffle:

This is my first DSLR camera and I am very excited. You can email me directly if you'd like to see some pictures of me making out with the camera. They're a little too raw for this blog. I have been wanting one of these for several years now, but that whole money thing kept getting in the way. Well, this year, after placing a series of clever hints and clues, I finally convinced everyone to pool all of their resources and help contribute to the purchase of this beautiful camera. If I ever stop making out with it, I may even shoot a photo or two.

Omar, I triple dog dare you to have a new photo assignment post.

I don't think I'm alone...

2010-11-07T19:42:00.000-06:00

in saying that this is just plain awful.

It's Sunday. They can't all be winners. Of course, I will be having custom made sweaters with this pattern on them for all of my family members at Christmas. I think it's going to be the best family photo ever. I'm also going to have headbands made up, but those will be optional for photos and mandatory for caroling/wassailing.

Some days, you don't even have to work for post material

2010-11-06T21:00:00.000-05:00

This is a monster that doesn't scare me.

2010-11-05T20:08:00.000-05:00

The title pretty much says it all. Although I'm not sure if the monster is mocking me, or asking a serious question...

His name is Sandra. Sandra the Destructionator!

2010-11-04T18:42:00.000-05:00

I thought all of this information was common knowledge, but based on the number of questions I received today, (actual count is currently at zero) I thought I'd offer up some hard facts about the anatomy of a Vampire Dragon Wolf.

You're welcome.

I got troubles

2010-11-03T19:34:00.000-05:00

Ultimately, I am responsible for what happens in this life, but there are some things that don't make it easy. Here is a chart of some of those things and their relative impact.

Do you understand what it means to be on the "Can't Cut" list? Look it up. I need a good cry.

I call this one, "I have to be up at three AM for work and I should have been in bed an hour ago."

2010-11-02T20:06:00.000-05:00

I got a flu shot yesterday, so yeah, I'm feeling sick today. I don't think it's fair that diseases can attack me on a cellular level. If I can't fight you with my bare fists, then you shouldn't be able to make me feel achy and tired. Obama is doing absolutely nothing about this while he's the President. Ugh!! I hate politics!!

Anyway, in spite of my general sucky feeling, I was still able to muster up a little energy today because I got to pick up my birthday present. It's something I've been wanting for about 4 years now, so yeah, eat it flu or flu like symptoms from a "vaccination."

And you thought yesterday was mediocre... by the time November is over, people will think that mediocre means turn off your computer and never look at the internet again because you may accidentally see this blog.

I have a terrible idea...

2010-11-01T20:21:00.000-05:00

Let the mediocrity begin!

I turned Larry Bird today.

2010-10-31T22:01:00.001-05:00

Obviously I celebrated with Key Lime Pie and Gatorade. Thank you to everyone that made today special!

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, I'm old.

Really guys?

2010-10-29T18:53:00.001-05:00

I'll be the first to admit that snagging yourself a good woman is no easy task. But this? Is this really your best idea?

And in a cornfield no less!!

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it finds better shoe deals online.

No offense...

2010-10-23T08:39:00.000-05:00

But I have the best fiancée/future wife in the world. I realize this will make all but one of half the world's population angry, but the truth is the truth. Last night she got me tickets to see Brian Regan. Those that know me know that I love comedy. They also know that I'm a terrible audience member. I almost never laugh out loud. This is not true with Regan. He makes me cry. He had my face hurting and tears streaming within the first 2 minutes. He's that good. Mr. Frosty-locks. That's all I'm saying.

So to my beloved, thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou thankyou for another wonderful birthday present!! You are the best, don't let anyone tell you different! But try not to let it go to your head. I get to be with you for the rest of my life:)

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is still laughing at Brian Regan.

My own version of 50 eggs*

2010-09-29T18:30:00.000-05:00

Can I eat five and a half pounds of Red Vines in a single sitting? I don't know, but we're gonna find out!

*someone has to get this reference.
-- Post From My iPhone 4, where twizzlers are classified as plastic, not licorice.

Super harvest moon!! Super harvest moon!!

2010-09-23T06:14:00.000-05:00

I still don't know exactly what that means, but the moon was supposed to be bigger and brighter last night due to some sort of significant celestial event. Would you believe I took this photo with my iPhone?

No? That's cool, because I didn't. I used my Canon S3 IS for that.

This is my iPhone shot:

Not quite as impressive, is it?

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it's full of moon shots.

Maybe...

2010-09-17T15:36:00.000-05:00

If they had used a few more nails, it might have stayed attached.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. Still attached to my hip, but not with a belt clip. I'm not a belt clip kind of guy.

One might argue...

2010-09-15T18:43:00.001-05:00

That it looks better from the front:

Than from the back:

I'm not sure what's more frightening, the mass of cables themselves, or the fact that I know exactly what they all do and I need every single one of them.

-- Posted From My iPhone 4, for which I also have a cable to plug it into my TV and believe it or not, I still have an open input for it as well.

Do I really just do that?

2010-09-08T15:58:00.000-05:00

Yes, yes I did. I jailbroke my iPhone for approximately 5 minutes. Why 5 minutes? Many reasons, but the most important two are: 1) because I wanted the actual numbers associated with my cellular signal instead of interpretive bars and 2) because after a recent upgrade in our Internet connection, 5 minutes is how long it took to download the 589MB update that is iOS 4.1.

Jealousy is encouraged. Unless of course you're still on 4.0.1. Then you can just go to jailbreakme.com yourself, jailbreak, install sbsettings through cydia, turn on numerical GSM values and then upgrade to 4.1 just like I did. Then we can sit together smugly and act like everyone else is beneath us.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it was jailbroken for 5 minutes.

Coast to Midwest!

2010-08-27T08:40:00.000-05:00

Ok kids, here's the deal, in the very near future, I will be driving my car from it's current location in California to my new home here in Illinois. I will be joined by the lovely Cadiz. For this trip, I plan on using nothing more than my iPhone for directions, pricelining hotels and anything else we might require on our journey. We have limited time, but other than a stop in Reno, what other things should we check out on the way?

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

Just slap me in the face next time. It will hurt less.

2010-08-22T08:45:00.000-05:00

So I have a new job, right? The good news is that I'm making more money. The bad news is that is a direct result of working on Saturdays now. My new boss is mostly pretty cool though, so when he said he'd be providing donuts yesterday to help soften the blow, I thought to myself, working Saturdays is no fun, but I do love me some donuts!!

We were told the donuts had arrived so I went over to claim my fair share. This is what I found:

I don't know if I've made this clear, but I consider Dunkin' Donuts to be the Rush Limbaugh of the donut world. I don't know how they continue to be successful with such a terrible product.

Obviously I ate one because duh, free donut. But I had everyone in the area sign an affidavit certifying that I did so under very vehement protest. I was told my contempt was palpable with each, angry chew.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

To my one and only

2010-08-15T02:02:00.000-05:00

Salad...

DESTROYED!!

Happy birthday Cadiz!

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

New job, new quirks.

2010-08-03T22:23:00.000-05:00

It might be a little uncomfortable at first, but once I get to know everyone, I'm sure it will be business as usual.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

I don't think Steve would approve.

2010-07-28T10:46:00.000-05:00

Shared keyboards suck. Is there anyone out there that is ok with this?

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

You could have had this...

2010-07-18T22:28:00.000-05:00

I cannot express in words how disappointed I was with the voting on my last poll. It sent me spiraling into a deep depression that only a brand new iPhone 4 could extricate me from. I now have a neatly trimmed beard, but I won't be posting a picture of it. That is your punishment for wasting this opportunity you were given. Instead, feast your eyes on the glory you so foolishly tossed aside:

Yes, I am mad at you(excluding Omar) for not choosing properly.

-- Post From My iPhone 4. And yes, it is gorgeous.

Why would they lie?

2010-06-27T21:35:00.001-05:00

I know what you're thinking. This has to be a scam, right? But this comes directly from the official Kane County website. I'd like to think that they wouldn't be so stupid as to advertise their ability to procure a wizard for protective services on their public website if they couldn't back it up. I'll be ordering mine today. I'd be a fool not to.

-- Posted From My soon to be magically protected iPhone.

Destiny

2010-06-15T18:55:00.000-05:00

If the Lakers do not win an NBA championship this year, I will be completely shaving off my beard. Some people will like this, some will not. If, however, the Lakers are once again crowned world champions, you get to decide what I do. Vote in the new poll up top or write in an answer should you find the above choices lacking.

Here's what you're working with:

Keep in mind that I still can't grow hair in that section that's normally reserved for what most people call sideburns. I think that's why I have such good hearing. It's a theory anyway.

-- Posted From My facial hair iPhone.

Boston bye bye.

2010-06-11T08:02:00.001-05:00

I know it won the poll, but unless someone wants to give me two tickets to Boston/ New York as well as two tickets to the Dodgers/Red Sox game next weekend, it's not happening. Although given what has happened in the city of Boston recently, I'm not sure I could visit right now without trying to defile one of its prized landmarks. Maybe it's for the best. Of course, the biggest tragedy in all of this is that more important than seeing the Dodgers play the Red Sox, we were going to visit our friendsEric and Sara in NY and finally get to meet their new baby Jack. Fortunately, Eric has been posting picture like a man that just had his first child, so we get treated every day to new shots of that little ball of cuteness. Very sad we'll have to postpone our first real life encounter. (insert super sad emoticon here)

In related news, I currently have a kidney up for sale. Daddy wants a new iPhone 4 and I've determined that certain organs are available to be sacrificed for this cause. Also up for sale in this cause is a fairly new iPhone 3G. I had it replaced by Apple back in march or April. It has been well cared for and will be missed dearly. Let me know if you know anyone that's interested.

In conclusion, I will be attending the blackhawks parade today. Maybe I'll even post a picture or two. Also, I really hate the Boston Celtics, the New England Patriots and possibly the Red Sox, depending on how the Dodgers do next weekend.

-- Posted From My iPhone 3G for now, but hopefully my iPhone 4 in about two weeks.

I ain't growing this for nothin'!!

2010-06-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

Don't let me down boys!!

-- Posted From My Laker Lovin' iPhone.

Let's do this.

2010-05-26T18:46:00.000-05:00

I don't even care if it rains. I'm not leaving until this is over.

But let's hope it doesn't rain.

-- Posted From My Dodger lovin' iPhone.

So...

2010-05-25T20:32:00.000-05:00

Someone thought that this document was important enough to be shredded, but not quite important enough to make sure the job was completed. Also, not really aware of the capacity of the machine. I'd probably walk away too.

-- Posted From My iPhone shredder.

No, I'm not dead.

2010-05-21T23:06:00.000-05:00

Call it a comeback though if that makes you feel more comfortable.

-- Posted From My well worn iPhone.

Sorry. I've been lazy.

2010-05-17T22:57:00.000-05:00

I took this sone time in the past week or whatever.

-- Posted From My iPhone.

Did we drive an hour and fifteen minutes each way just to eat here?

2010-05-08T23:10:00.000-05:00

You bet we did!!

-- Posted From My Dim Sum iPhone.