Way back in the day, I used to live with more than one grape jelly user. I did not have the resources necessary to keep 24 hour surveillance on the jelly at all times, but I was always reasonably certain that I was not the one making the top of the jelly squeeze bottle all goopy. I believe that I possess superior jelly squeezing skills rivaled only by high level Tibetan Monks. Until recently though, it was only speculation.
I am now the only grape jelly user in the house. Aside from all of the obvious benefits, there’s also this:
After several masterfully crafted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and not one single swipe with a napkin, paper towel, old shirt I don’t care about or someone else’s shirt when they weren’t looking, the top of the jelly squeeze bottle still looks nice and clean.
I’m not convinced that everyone reading this has fully grasped the true horror that I have had to endure. Below is a simulated squeeze jelly bottle top used by any one of my former roommates/housemates/relatives/dad/sister whose name starts with m-a-d-e-l-y…
Take a deep breath. Now go image google puppies and kittens sleeping in laundry baskets full of ice cream to try to get that horrifying image out of your head.